Recommended reading: Parasocial Relationships Are Just Imaginary Friends for Adults - The Atlantic
At some point during my middle school years, my next-door neighbor relayed some 900#s (prerecorded phone sex blurbs) for me and my friends to delve into. If I remember correctly, we called firstly at his abode, and from there, I naively took the handful of numbers home for further investigation. This was during the mid-80s.
It wasn't long before I was calling these "pay by the minute" numbers (Imaginary Friends) regularly after school. My father had a "home office" crammed (literally) into one side of our third bedroom, and on his desk was a phone that I'd often use if I wanted any privacy.
Oblivious to the "pay by the minute" phone charge, how shocked I was to have my parents approach me therein relative to the exorbitant telephone bill! I recall apologizing before quickly blaming the neighbor boy's influence.
This really has been my only exposure to phone sex of any ilk. Whilst looking back, I'm thankful that I was too young / naive to understand half of the explicit words being said into my ear via the sultry prerecorded 900# voices.
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A huge part of my trajectory relative to my recovery from chronic gay porn (Internet) consumption was me gaining an understanding of my longing / need / desire for being seen clearly by other men. Particularly men who I had respect for. Consuming gay porn enabled that illusion with remarkable ease (Imaginary Friends). But at the same time, it (these Imaginary Friends) perpetually served as a misanthrope (feedback loop) in proportion to the greater intrinsic need that Rob had.
Nonetheless, I LOATHED consuming Internet porn because I'd long since earnestly privately rejected the trappings of culturally normal, if not celebrated, parasocial relationships (available via mainstream entertainment) as a college student (well in advance of the Internet coming to fruition). Therefore, I felt deeply immature regarding my bondage to Internet porn as a result.
So, what qualified Internet porn so differently than mainstream entertainment, in terms of fostering a parasocial relationship (Imaginary Friendship)?
For Rob, it was the overt explicitness. Right there on my private computer screen. Beautifully photographed / filmed, extraordinarily sexy and naked men having sex with themselves and other men.
I'd never seen anything like it. It was mind-boggling to behold.
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Yesterday morning, I worked out at the Y. As there's been a handful of other times, a lovely blonde woman (about my age) working out too. It's always been apparent that there's a bit of chemistry between us, though we've only spoken in passing. She's about my age, and obviously quite dedicated to her own physical fitness.
This AM, she was intentional about flaunting her spandex clad back end as I was doing floor-based roll-outs adjacent. I remember thinking how awkward I would be feeling had I been straight.
Nevertheless, I kept my head down throughout as I repetitively endured my set of roll-outs, choosing to not take advantage of the opportunity (ogling / flirting).
Whilst thinking back on that, even if I had been straight (& single), how akin it would have been for me to covertly seek out engaging within a parasocial relationship (Imaginary Friend) (modeled perhaps after her "back end") than one directly with her.
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I'm at Sam's Club weekly, purchasing everything from fresh fruit to premade entrees (kale pasta salad!) and bottled water / staples for our family. A few weeks back, I observed a couple "parking lot flirt" with each other as he assisted her in checking the fluids within her aging Honda Civic. Throughout, they were sharing a vape while she took every opportunity to touch / embrace him (mostly from behind) as if he were a big teddy bear.
She'd arrived firstly onto the vast asphalt pavement. From there, he strategically pulled his full-size pickup alongside within just a matter of minutes.
I made no attempts to disguise the fact that I was observing their flirtatious behavior in real time.
Eventually, they walked into the giant discount retail store together with her arm around his waist. And even whilst inside (I bumped into them), she continued her tactile affirmation.
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I'm not convinced women overall find themselves ensnared by the pervasiveness of explicitness as we men so often are. Most women are interested in far more subtle means of sexualization.
+/-15 years ago, I gave my sweet wife a freshly purchased copy (Amazon) of Bondi Work by Aussie photographer, Paul Freeman. And I did this on Valentine's Day, hoping she'd "drop her guard" and begin to relish the naturalistic beauty of superbly (explicitly!) photographed men.
Perhaps she'd have received my gift with a more positive response had there been less genitalia so prominently displayed throughout the coffee-table book.
Nonetheless, it's a book of photos taken by a same-sex attracted man, therefore there's no shortage of digitally enhanced junk.
In the end, my gift fell as flat as the time I gifted my mom (a six pack) CFL light bulbs for Christmas.
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A close friend recently divulged his belief that he's "rejection phobic" in tandem with being ADHD. As far as I know, my friend's not been clinically diagnosed ADHD, but based on his own personal research, he very much believes himself to be.
I felt so humbled to have been bequeathed this discovery from him. So much so, in fact, that I've now found myself historically ruminating on it, on occasion, ever since (I've known this friend for well over a decade).
What strikes me as slightly unconvincing though regarding his revelation has to do with him unaccounting for his deep entrenchment with parasocial relationships (Imaginary Friends). Whether they're explicit (pornographic) or not. For social media has been and is today's parasocial relationship floodwater(s), having inundated almost every facet (demographic, race, individual, corporate, nonprofit, religious & on & on) of humanity's existence. My friend's (& his wife's) life is no different than the average bear relative to social media. They are (& have been for a decade plus as far as I know) deeply entrenched therein. As such, THEY ARE CULTURALLY NORMAL.
Nonetheless, is there no more culturally relevant place to be impacted by the parasocial (Imaginary Friends) than social media? Social media, with its seemingly harmless yet infinitesimal display of photos, videos, memes, emojis, likes / dislikes, truncated statements, and on and on?
Question: Has my old friend accounted for the role social media's been allowed to play within his life over the past 10+ years relative to the difficulties he has today whilst engaging face-to-face?
I can't help but wonder about this.
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And this leads me to...
My argument against social media is as follows (in line with the notion that real, authentic relationships more often than not, take a back seat):
1. There's less time ("crowding out") for them (taking into account the time spent engaging with parasocial- Imaginary Friends - relationships online).
2. I'm of the opinion that social media junkies' brains have literally been re-wired to devalue authentic relationships in comparison to the vast quantity of parasocial ones (due to the brain's allegiance / time spent therein to social media).
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In closing, I circle back to the young couple flirting in the Sam's Club parking lot as well as the aforementioned fitness beauty at the Y.
Though I didn't engage with these individuals beyond observation, there's no doubt they were not Imaginary.
In fact, regarding the latter, I'll perhaps see her again in a few weeks (depending on when I next visit the Y).
What sets these individuals apart is I had / have the opportunity to engage with these folks. And there's miniscule risks that any of them are going to shed their clothes as a result. This is normal human relational behavior that can be built upon - no matter what the outcome might be (rejection or otherwise).
Now, go back and re-read that article. It's profound and incredibly thought provoking. I'm of the opinion that it can be applied to every Samson guy's life.
