Married Samson guys often have wives that have been deeply hurt by their transgressions (prior to stepping foot into Samson Society). Some of these women are still married to their spouses only because there're children in the home. That combined with the hope that Samson Society can help to provide a steady road ahead for their marriage, often keeps them begrudgingly, bittersweetly committed.
When I entered Samson Society back in '14, Angie (my wife) was wholly supportive of my commitment to the community therein. So much so that she was elated to know that she would no longer be my sole "post job loss (trauma)" sounding board. As such, it wasn't long before I found guys within the Samson community that more than compensated for her generosity to (attempt) to support me - to the best of her ability - for such a horrendously difficult time as that.
For example, Angie immediately became my Covenant Eyes ally post-job loss. And this was the case because I had no other friends that I felt comfortable engaging as such.
And though she remained a CE ally for some time after I began my journey within Samson Society, she trusted wholeheartedly the other men that God brought into my life to continue therein supporting her husband. In other words, she found relief from a responsibility that she felt didn't suit her (as my wife) one iota.
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Now, my primary attraction to Angie is rooted in her trust in me. And it is a profound trust that's rooted in her willingness to be subservient. For I'm a dude who struggles with same-sex attraction and always has. Yet, she knew going into our marriage, 25 years-ago that this would be an ongoing narrative for me.
Many women would balk at this no holds barred trust approach, and I get that, but they're not Angie. Hence, my reason for not marrying anyone but her.
One thing that's unique about she and I is how long we've known each other (since our teenage years). I believe this has had a profound impact on her ability to trust me. We weren't anything other than friends in high school, but the relationship was decidedly built on mutual respect.
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I am slated to chat with my newest Silee's wife (with my Silee on the phone too) this afternoon. This man (& his spouse) live in Hotlanta, and he and I became fast friends during the 2022 Gulf Coast Samson Society retreat (photo below) from a few weekends back. After chatting with my new friend late last week (our first post-retreat, I'm now your Silas, dialogue), and hearing of the interpersonal dynamic between he and his spouse, I felt compelled to recommend to my Silee that we should kickoff our friendship by honoring her.
In the past, I've never made this move. Instead, I naively assumed that my Silees' wives were like Angie. Sorta relieved to be hands off.
But I have found - over the past eight years - that this typically wasn't / isn't the case.
Many of my Silees' wives were - and understandably so - actively looking over the shoulders of their husbands in response to the traumas that they'd endured (either directly or indirectly by his hands), and this form of self preservation began well before these men entered into Samson Society.
One of the most surprisingly creepy discoveries regarding this was how unabashedly these ladies snooped on their husbands by reading his text message exchanges (sometimes in real time), his email, etc. Many too tracked their man's whereabouts via his smartphone location. All of this sounded so fatiguing to me.
And oftentimes, I would only find out about this due to her questioning / complaining (to him) about some broached hyper-sensitive subject matter (that she'd read behind his back) that I'd brought to the forefront. For if you know me, I tend to not pull my punches when it comes to the nitty-gritty / granular.
And then there's just the overall suspicion / mistrust that I was up against relative to her wanting to maintain some semblance of control over her husband's recovery (& arguably justifiable, taking her trauma into account). As such, I found that this was her way of serving as his Recovery Nanny.
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The lesson here is that many (if not all) of the spouses of Silees need to know me - at the outset - as the Silas. They need to have an opportunity to personally vet my capability / motive in order to NOT SUDDENLY FEEL LEFT OUT. And that's what I'm going to attempt to accomplish today (please pray for this conversation).
Women want security from their men. By me (& my Silee) being respectful of that need, we can certainly take the time to show my Silees' wives we truly care / have her husband's best interests at heart.
And then from there, we'll see how things go, knowing that I've attempted to not discount her role as his wife (having known him far longer than I have).
