One of my most memorable experiences as a teen was spending time wandering around my childhood neighborhood in Madison late one very foggy night (during the late 1980s). It was after arriving home from work at Chick-Fil-A in Northpark Mall. Our 'hood had streetlights throughout. The fog was so thick that even those were completely immersed / blanketed in atmospheric gloom. It was an awesome experience to witness. Unlike anything I'd ever seen before. The fog visually extinguished everything, and having never seen anything like this prior (& knowing it would quickly recede in due time), I jumped at the chance to experience it firsthand while my parents were fast asleep back at our abode.
Wednesday, March 31, 2021
Tuesday, March 30, 2021
Recommended Reading (W/ Commentary) - The Silent Treatment
The Psychology of the Silent Treatment - The Atlantic
What are we to make of circumstances where men we're serving (as Silases) cease to communicate?
The gravity of this question is dependent on the amount of time / emotional energy invested in that relationship, prior to the communication disconnect.
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Now, after typing that last sentence, I'm going to offer this somewhat contrarian experience in turn:
Years ago, I was working out at the YMCA when a fellow church member came through the door and proceeded to do the same. It's important to note that before his workout got underway, we acknowledged each other whilst locking eyes and smirking. +/-30 minutes later, he proceeded to approach me and asked why he felt "some negativity between he and I".
Keep in mind that the only interaction of any length that I'd had with this younger man was via one Samson Society meeting he attended at Lakeside Pres. Afterwards, I attempted to schedule a meet & greet over coffee but was unsuccessful. Hence, I backed off and sort of "returned to my side of the room" if you know what I mean.
Most men telegraph their opinion / viewpoint reflexively. I'm not like that. I learned as a boy how to emulate satisfaction / compliance without every truly having my heart in it. Call it a silent rebellion. In spite of that, there are times when empathic men (like the aforementioned church member) have the subtlety to sniff this out. Kudos to them.
Nonetheless, I was so taken aback by this guy's boldness there in the gym that I literally ran away screaming (inside). I didn't know what to do frankly. It was a brilliantly enlightening moment. And I've admired that dude ever since.
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Now, back to more traditional situations. Situations involving friendships that have endured for at least one year.
In general, men expect other men to never whine / complain about communication details / protocols. That being frequency / mode, etc. I've found that there's sort of an unwritten rule regarding this. Nevertheless, it's important that you know the following: Your needs come first whilst participating in Samson Society, therefore if you're interested in "properly training" your Silee (regarding your needs), let him know where he can improve in this regard (well in advance of him having the opportunity to enact "The Silent Treatment"). Now, as you've probably picked up on here, I'm alluding to your relationship with your Silee being more than just a textbook one-way relationship. And I would argue that very few stay for long as textbook one-way relationships due to the commitment required and the subject matter discussed.
Sorry about me chasing that particular rabbit there, but I think it's important to punctuate the importance of open communication between a Silas / Silee, even when the subject matter is communication analysis based on effectiveness / needs. And again, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of staying grounded in the recognition of your personal needs as a Samson guy.
Now back to the original question posed.
What are we to make of circumstances where men we're serving (as Silases) cease to communicate?
Circumstantially, I've found that when this occurs, I often feel relieved but also sad. For it frees up resources to be utilized elsewhere. And I know that sounds cold. But you have to realize as a loner, I simply never have committed a heaping portion of my heart to anyone else. Even when it comes to Samson guys. Now, I have struggled with abandonment anxiety in the past, but I'm currently (by God's grace) over that terrible fear.
As followers of Christ, we're to have our primary relationship with our Savior via prayer, Bible study, and self-examination. You may roll your eyes at the notion of comparing that with Earthly relationships, but it's the truth. And it is an absolutely relevant fact.
Take death, for example. Comrades, many of which we love dearly, will someday die. Even those who're as close as brothers. Jesus has already died and risen from the grave on our behalf. He's with us 24/7/365 via the gift of the Holy Spirit's presence within our lives. This makes us Christians exceedingly fortunate in the relationship department.
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So, what are we to do as Christians in response to relational silence?
Pray for that individual. Pray for the friendship. Thank God for what's come before. Reminiscence.
But do steer clear of nagging them or reacting to the silence with alarm. If you can trust God with your own heart / life, there's no reason to belief you can't trust him with someone else's. He's just as interested in their shit as he is your own, and as such, there are times when they're better off taking an extended break from you.
Sunday, March 28, 2021
Friday, March 26, 2021
Thursday, March 25, 2021
Wednesday, March 24, 2021
The Ear + Nose Hair Plateau / Rob, The Appreciating Asset
We mortgaged our Rankin county "garden home" abode (it was a never lived-in speculative home) back in late 2000. As such, starting during the fall of 2019, we began investing in replacing / renovating the building's envelope. In architect-speak that refers to the exterior - mostly.
Our home is (thankfully) around the average size of an American home back in the early 1970s, but despite that, it was still quite a monetary feat replacing the roof, repainting the trim, staining the front door, replacing the HVAC system, and adding insulation to the attic (along with new "catwalk" subflooring). Not to mention replacing some interior light and plumbing fixtures (purely aesthetics).
Our abode resides within a 'hood of 81 lots, and every home is jammed up against the other, therefore if one home looks unkempt, it disparages numerous adjacencies. Therefore, also being privy to this, we invested accordingly, and everyone benefitted.
On the flip side of this approach are automobiles. As a depreciating asset, there's no sense in having a car repainted or replacing the seats / dash with OEM parts once they've reached a certain lifespan. Cars have a certain shelf life and then they're replaced outright as their depreciation reaches its forgone conclusion.
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I'm 48, and at some point during my 40s, I began to grow long, black hairs from both within my ear canals and out of my ear lobes. As I've aged, they've become more numerous. To the point of having to have my 10-year old pluck them out once a month or so (if not more often).
I do not want hairy ears. For I remember distinctly seeing a man at First Baptist Church Jackson (the church I grew up in) as a child who had such the bush of hair growing out of his ears that I literally would freeze in my tracks whilst bumping into him. It was like someone had put a curse on him. An ear hair curse. And it was tragic. For the thickness and quantity of hair was such that you literally could not see the man's ear canal.
Now, when it comes to my nose, hairs of this same ilk grow verbosely from there as well. And as such, do know that I don't ask my 10-year old to pluck those out, but I do have to tend to these as well - on my own - quite often. And man, it freaking hurts extracting those from deep within my sizably proportioned proboscis. (Thanks be to God for tweezers.)
But all this weirdmo hairiness comes with age. And I'm okay with that.
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I'm feeling compelled to make a concerted effort to start (again) marketing the Metro Jackson Samson Society groups now that the pandemic is beginning to subside. As such, last night I was provoked to do so by reaching out to our local Christian colleges. Specifically to the Dean(s) of Students.
Yet, I'm a bit flippant to invest in this endeavor because I remember so vividly what it was like being a non ear / hairy-nosed man. Especially one who's on a collegiate track.
I was so cocky as a young man and full of myself. My Mississippi childhood had more or less been idyllic, and as such, my naivety was off the charts. I was essentially a spoiled brat only child who'd been educated at a private academy, put in mega-church every Sunday, and fed three wonderful meals a day by one-marriage parents who neither smoked nor drank nor cussed nor had criminal records. Our suburban (Madison) home / yard always looked like Martha Stewart lived there, therefore our neighbors suspected we were perfect.
We even had a black Labrador retriever named "Lil Gal" when I was young, and she was so sweet.
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There's a young, newlywed couple that reside on the street "behind" us who've been living there for a few years. They're both professionals who're currently expecting their first child. I see them walking around our 'hood fairly regularly with their beautiful golden retriever. Yet, just as I experienced last night, when I'm driving into our 'hood and I see him - especially - there alongside his wife, I simply want to veer the car towards him and [gently] mow him down. Not to kill him. Only to scare / frighten.
So last night, as my middle - driver's permit - daughter was driving us home from piano lessons, this opportunity to maim him presented itself. And I badly wanted to instruct my daughter to do this, yet it would have traumatized her too much - don't you think?
This young man whom I'd like to maim / traumatize is Rob made over. Cocky. We've interacted on numerous occasions, and it's literally like looking backwards into a mirror each and every time.
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So, where does this no ear / nose hair cockiness originate from?
I think it's a combination of things that bring it to the surface.
One is simply fear. Fear of the future / unknown. Another is a sense of accomplishment. The fact that you're married or a father or have a mortgage or a "good" job / professional license. All of these things are milestones that do present an opportunity for our young man identities to rest upon. The former though is usually cloaked / concealed by cockiness / arrogance.
There's also the sex during our younger man years. Most younger guys have strong libidos, and as such can see themselves as loverboys to their partners (either men or women or both). I can remember experiencing hypervigilant erections out the wazoo as a younger man. And so often these would simply appear out of nowhere, or I'd wake up with one. It was as if my dick was simply begging to be pleasured (which I willingly obliged).
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I love my ear / nose hair. Why? Because it represents where I'm at as a middle-aged man. There's no amount of money someone could give me to return to my younger man years. It wouldn't be worth it. To lose all of the knowledge / experience. To forgo the suffering and trauma. To not have the opportunity to reap the rewards of painstakingly renovating / restoring so much of my envelope - with my Heavenly Father's resources.
So, I will do my part and reach out to Belhaven and Mississippi College regarding the availability of our Metro Jackson Samson Society groups, and I'll do so with a subtle grin. Knowing what I know now about where these young Christian men are at. For I've lived it myself.
Please pray for me regarding both the execution and potential harvest via this endeavor. For this is new territory for Rob.
Tuesday, March 23, 2021
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