Respecting & Dialoguing With The Visual Contrarian (Pervert)

One of the most pivotal (conscious & subconscious) moments in my life was during a counseling session with Mr. Don Waller (facilitator of the FBCJ Wednesday night SS meeting), and it was during this particular session that I'd invited my father to come along.  My dad was kind enough to do this on occasion, probably out of pity more than anything else.  Keep in mind these counseling sessions were back in 2014, therefore I'd only been working for him for +/-12 months.  

During this session, I felt compelled to put a photo (via my smartphone) on display primarily for my dad to see.  This photo was of a man who represented my masculine archetype.  As such, the image was of a professional underwear model doing his absolute best to look hot.  And the photo was spectacular.  It was one I'd harvested online from the Aussie Bum URL.  Whilst being very upfront as to what I was attracted to, I reminded my father that it was the pursuit of this kind of imagery that resulted in my 2013 job loss.  But my primary focus was to "level myself up" relative to Robert, Senior by finally saying "to hell" with all this beating around the bush.

My dad recoiled in disgust for the few seconds I held my pocket computer up to his face.  And I sort of enjoyed observing the impact all of this exhibitionist (dare I say bold?) behavior was provoking.

Nonetheless, I smiled broadly.  It simply felt so freeing to own up to who I really was right there one on one (almost) and subsequently make that connection back to Robert, Sr. as his only son.

I don't remember what exactly prompted me to do this during the course of the counseling session, but I do know the setting really bolstered my confidence.  Thank you always, Mr. Don Waller.

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My first Silas, pre-Samson Society, agreed to sit down with me one evening in front of a laptop.  During this endeavor, we took some time for him to reveal to me what he was drawn to similarly (as to what I described above).  This was AWKWARD and frightening, but well worth it from the standpoint of demystifying his particular hook (for him) whilst also garnering further trust between the two of us.

I can only speak for myself within these blog posts.  I say that as a reminder.  Therefore, your experience / narrative related to visual imagery may be light years different than my own.  I suppose that's my disclaimer relative to this post.

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The first man I served as a Silas towards within Samson Society had been a minister prior to being ushered into the group.  This man's family was devout all around, and this was a wonderful attribute.  His father in-law, in particular, was an every opportunity proselytizer, to the point of carrying around Holy Bibles within his backpack.  This middle-aged man could not sympathize / empathize with his son in-law on any level regarding his sexual hard wiring, and he took this approach as if he himself were a eunuch.  

But I've always wondered if, man to man, he simply wasn't interested in lowering himself to the younger man's level in order to tap into their shared gender as well as the father in-law's past adolescent narrative (growing up years).  Unless maybe he really was a eunuch.

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Pride is often fueled by the love we have for looking down on our fellow man - especially those who're perceived differently (slightly or massively) than we are - and the most efficient means to elevate ourselves is to shun (either directly or indirectly), gossip, etc.

Choosing instead to forgo shunning, etc. - of any ilk - takes supernatural gusto, but with the Holy Spirit's help, we can certainly rise above our denigrating defaults.  

And that's where respect comes in.  That altogether most cherished gift that men desire.  

If you're looking to build a bridge between yourself and another male, garner him the gift of respect.  It is ambrosia of the highest order.  A recipe for seeing where others aren't allowed.  

In closing, most men desire to be known by those around them whom they've entrusted a bit of their heart to.  Attempting to understand another man in regards to their sexuality is well worth the risk.

   

As Men, The First Time We Opt To Attend A Samson Society Meeting Can, At Times, Feel Quite Overwhelming (Not Unlike A Thrill Ride). And Those Ladies Back Home Will Be All The Better For It.

A Timely Message From Dr. Tom Moucka (Samson House Executive Director)

 

TODAY Is Giving Tuesday!

This year's Giving Tuesday is special due to a Matching Gift of $50,000.00 - every dollar given will be matched with another dollar up to $50,000.00! That doubles your contribution.

As of today, we have received 88 contributions totalling $11,570.00. That is good news, but even better news is our Matching Gift contributor has extended the Match period to December 31, 2020 in order to include year-end givers and tax-advantaged stock gifts.

To double your contribution, simply click HERE. Of course, recurring monthly contributions are appreciated. If you'd like to gift stock, click HERE (note "gift of stock/securities" in the body of the email).

We continue to rescue families by helping over 10,000 men in 33 countries live in the freedom of authenticity. Thank you, one and all, for paying your recovery forward and supporting the mission of Samson Society.

Tom Moucka, president 

Samson House

Why Does This Blog Exist?

Samson Society is awesome.  Stupendous.  Wonderful.  Life-changing.  Intense.  Unique.  It's also free.  Supplemental.  Non-mandatory.  Charitable.  Voluntary.  

It's a men's ministry that's built on Christian men giving of their time and hearts within organized weekly meetings and one-on-one friendships.

Therefore, this is (mainly) my way of (hopefully) paying homage to all of that which Samson Society is.  

I tell people that Samson Society found me, and when it did, I was ready to be found, having sunk into such deep personal despair relative to the prior trauma that I'd endured.  

For those of you who read this blog, thank you.  I'm always glad to see days when the numbers are up.  Also, if any of you wish to post here, I welcome you to reach out to me today.  The only caveat to writing within this venue is that the work should in some way harken back to the core principles of the Samson Society itself (which is pretty much summarized within the second sentence of this post).  

Recommended Reading

 Men find new ways to bond during the pandemic - The Washington Post

A Young Man's Vulnerability To Cruelty, Finding Strength By Being Contrary Whilst Realizing You're Not Really Ever Alone

Angie and I rented apartments 'till we'd saved +/-20% of what we'd budgeted to mortgage a home.  Plus, we eradicated our debt at the same time.  Therefore, apartment life was our mainstay for +/-5 years early on in our marriage, and we loved it.  For the most part.  Except the last of the two units we rented.  It was during those final 10 months prior to signing our lives away to the mortgage lender in late 2000 that we endured "the crappy apartment".

"Canton Square" apartments as it was officially called (when we lived there) had been constructed when Angie and I were children.  In fact, one of our youth pastors and his wife had lived there during the '80s.  Unfortunately, the construction quality was noticeably shoddy, even at the outset of our tenure there.  Nonetheless, it was cheap rent, and cheap is what we desired in order to accelerate our plans to acquire a mortgage.  Therefore, we swallowed hard and signed a month-to-month lease.

What I resented most about this place was how the cold, bitter winter wind would whip through our flat as if someone had intentionally left all of the many aluminum windows cracked (I used to check them regularly).  I vividly recall that early winter 2020 was the one where George Bush and Al Gore were legally wrestling over chads in Florida.  I'd watch the morning news shows every day during breakfast (wrapped up in a blanket) in order to hopefully see who'd finally been declared a winner.  It dragged on for forever.  

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Tommy Awesome was a classmate of mine for the majority of my high school years.  He was everything I wanted to be, yet I could tell that he was just as sensitive to both man's cruelty and witnessing man's cruelty as I was.  And that's what drew me to him versus some of my peers who either pretended they were invulnerable or were too distracted by life's pleasures to care.

It's that soft underbelly that's such the identifier of youth, and it simply comes with the territory, therefore, I would argue, you must come to grips with a strategy to deal with it - if you have the guts to acknowledge it firstly.  Tommy did.  I could see it, and that garnered my respect from the getgo.  It just wasn't the same strategy that afforded me.

My strategy consisted of embracing the notion of being a contrarian regarding much (but not all) of my choices versus buying into the notion of me simply being a freak (as my peers and setting would have me believe).  

Tommy's approach was to play along as if the cruelty he was witnessing wasn't necessarily all that bad to either acknowledge or witness unapologetically.  And this was a coalescence with his popularity and respect as a fine specimen of young manness.  Initially, I resented him for taking this approach until I realized the trap he'd found himself within no thanks to his perceived awesomeness.  

Me, on the other hand, backed away.  I had none of the goods Tommy had, therefore I simply could not play along on any level.  I was not the athlete nor the ladies' man.  Neither the brain nor an overly creative specimen.  Just your strangely effeminate yet overall average B- Mississippi boy.

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Fast forward to Rob being a young husband attempting to set up a permanent household.

Living in "Canton Square" apartments for those 10 months was testimony to me (& my now wife) finally beginning to embrace my true contrarian self versus hiding / pretending to be someone else.  And it was that stand that helped me embrace the notion of being labeled at times as a freak - circumstances being what they were - within the now "young married & childless" world Angie and I lived within.

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It's okay to reflexively go in the opposite direction.  Especially when it involves moving into territory that's likely not slated to become one's permanent home.  You may find that being a contrarian suits you despite the strange circumstances you may just find yourself in as a result.  Remember too, it's easier to swallow challenging circumstances when you refuse to play by everyone else's rules / consider them with a grain of salt.

Do know though that eventually, that soft underbelly firms up no matter what end of the spectrum you fall - between Tommy and Rob.  From there, you'll likely look back and shake your head in disbelief regarding what you endured.  This is one of the true gifts of middle age.

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In closing, Tommy is thriving in middle Tennessee.  He's definitely one of those guys that I'd love to have the opportunity to explain just how multifacetedly important he once was to me - from a safe distance.  High school was not easy for Rob (is it for anyone?), but it was then that I at least knew, through guys like Tommy, that I was not altogether alone - with my feelings - within that cruel climate.  Therefore that subtle empathizing with this model of youthful awesomeness served me firstly just as so many other men would down the road (mostly via Samson Society).  It was a stepping stone for sure.

Commit To Pray For the "P"s

Politicians and pastors both run headlong everyday in and through the shadow of their predecessors.  Their presence in our lives is not extemporaneous for they serve pivotal roles within our culture, and as such, our God should hear from us often on their behalf.  

Politicians make policies which guide our every day lives and pastors serve most all of us during those critical moments when we need them the most (death, birth, marriage, and so forth).  

Each of us harbor a concept of these two individuals.  It can be heavily based on previous exposure to others in their steed or simply our beliefs relative to what each represents to us.  

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Our senior pastor this AM admitted to the redundancy he's up against during this Xmas season relative to his sermons.  Plus, he's simply a textbook extravert, and therefore is sick and tired of all this pandemic safeguarding.  He and his fam have been at our church for +/-4 years now which means he's definitely "hit his stride".  Plus, he's sitting right square in the throes of middle-age with kidlets who're anticipating flying the coop.  He's the kind of guy who, like almost every other pastor I've known, loves to be heard, with no mouth fatigue in sight.  

I really found my respect for pastors well before I became involved in Samson Society.  Namely for their flexibility and resourcefulness.  Not to mention the constant demands they're under to serve whomever shows up on their doorstep.  

I'm convicted during this Xmas season and beyond to pray for both of these.  Their roles are huge, and there's no doubt they'll be blessed knowing my prayers (as with all prayers) will be heard on their behalf.