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Friday, August 21, 2020
August 2020 "No Bull Briefing"
Thursday, August 20, 2020
"Stay Between The Lines"
Considering my middle daughter's status as a driver's permit recipient (as of a few weeks ago), this quote I have to say a fair amount these days: "Staybetweenthelines. Staybetweenthelines. Staybetweenthelines." And I feel as if I have to say it that fast in order to improve my chances of survival.
I cannot emphasize enough the terror of sitting in the passenger seat of a car with your 15 year-old behind the wheel. And attempting to keep your cool all the while, despite this terror, is akin to proselytizing whilst screening a skin flick. It's really hard (no pun intended).
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Let's consider Christians as automobiles - Cadillacs to be specific - that are equipped with the latest version of GM's Super Cruise. Super Cruise is a self-driving tech that relies on geofencing of the US highway system. It's a big deal due to it being the most reliable (& arguably safest) means of experiencing the "self-driving" car today.
Now then, consider the miles and miles of federal highway system as the means of traversal you as a Cadillac automobile must take (if you're to access Super Cruise). From there, travel on, taking in the sights along this prescripted / voluminous path.
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Cadillac cars make up just a tiny fraction of the United States' automotive fleet (all vehicles on our roads combined), and Super Cruise is only available on a handful of recently made available Cadillacs. In contrast to that, this day and age, everyone, and I do mean everyone is driving Sport Utility Vehicles, most of which aren't necessarily manufactured by Cadillac.
As you know, SUVs provide the promise of - to some degree or another - leaving the paved road behind. Many have 4-wheel drive or all-wheel drive with all terrain tires to match.
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At the present, we have access to countless influencers. Voices from everywhere are available to us. Cable TV and Internet especially. But should we listen in? Should we take advantage of all this freedom? No doubt, the novelty of it all is definitely alluring which makes the landscape for exploration all that more appealing.
If we choose to do so, are we immune to the influence of these voices thanks to our faith? Does our faith provide a filter that protects us from negative, perhaps costly-to-our-faith influence? Can we "have our cake and eat it too" in this regard?
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Our faith in God is a gift bestowed to us, and it rests or resides within our minds. It serves as a lens for how we see the world around us and our place within it. Therefore, intact, vibrant faith sustains us through difficult times. Too, it can completely transform our approach to circumstances. Especially if those circumstances forego typical democratized rewards. Faith then is most precious due to how it sets us apart as God's own. It's what makes us long for God more and world less.
Driving an automobile takes a lot of work, and a great deal of risk comes with that privilege. You are depending on you yourself (& your present state of mind) to pilot the car from point A to point B. Christians are exempt from all of that. Plus, we're under the navigation of both the promises of God and the Holy Spirit. So, there's this holiness, this setting apart that's so relevant to our identities, but also an almost child-like dependence on our Heavenly Father.
It makes us so thankful to no longer be "outside the city gate after nightfall".
So, yes. You should be paying heed to whose you are and looking closely at what both honors and promotes your faith whilst making decisions regarding whom just might influence you and yours. If you're not doing this, it's probably time to make a service appointment at your local Cadillac dealer.
Friday, August 14, 2020
Before You Drop The Hammer...
I had a relatively young Samson brother (whose an old friend) ask me recently about a specific scenario relative to him providing counsel to a mutual Samson friend of ours. Unfortunately, the counsel wasn't well received, and this response then in turn stirred up feelings of remorse regarding not only how my young Samson brother chose to respond (format) but the counsel itself.
I offered the following to my friend.
Don't drop the hammer (be highly critical, call someone out, talk bad about someone's mother, etc.) unless you're willing to face the worst possible response from the man who's about to get hit.
Rejection is typically the greatest fear of every man on planet Earth. If it's yours, you'd best put that in your sights prior to speaking your mind regarding whatever personal topic / scenario you're presented with and asked to provide counsel regarding.
Walking away from a friendship is a whole lot easier than cultivating one. And this is why for every new friendship that blossoms anew, five more fade away.
Tuesday, August 11, 2020
Marinating In Sadness
A 1994 Honda Accord LX was Angie's first new car. Its color was "Bordeaux Red", and it served as the lynchpin relative to the dissonance that always existed between myself and her late father.
Angie's dad did the negotiating for her, here in Jackson, regarding the purchase of that car while she was living out of state. But, it wasn't long before I stepped in to oversee the care and maintenance of this new vehicle, and I did this out of love and respect for my fiancé. I remember vividly taking the time to initially detail the sedan. I did this out on the driveway of her parents' abode in northeast Jackson whilst checking the fluids, air pressure in the tires, etc. My father in-law was taken aback by the initiative I took in this regard, and no doubt felt encroached upon. For Angie was his only daughter, and they had always been very, very close. But now, in his place was this weirdo Turner boy who seemed to have an affinity for car detailing.
Angie's vehicle today is a 2011 Kia Sedona minivan that's white in color. Due to her recent health issues, it hasn't been driven much at all as of late. Yesterday, I drove it to the office just to exercise it a bit. On the way home, I stopped at the car wash prior to detailing it thoroughly in our driveway (w/ some much obliged help from my two oldest daughters).
The reality that this vehicle may never be driven again by my wife hit me this morning as I admired its spotless shine. It really does look extraordinary - inside & out - for an almost decade old vehicle. From there, I vowed to exercise it again sometime next month.
I drove to work pleading with God to not allow Angie to ever have another stroke despite our earnest attempts to be joyful during this season of suffering. Seeing firsthand the impact on her quality of life has been so very hard to bear.
Monday, August 10, 2020
Lazy 2020 Summer Days...
Laziness for me has best been personified by my late grandmother. As a child, I remember vividly staying overnight at her home in Belzoni and being amazed at how adept she was at doing nothing at all. Everyday, she'd sleep in and after rising, she'd make her way to the couch to lie down for a few hours. To further my point, her idea of exercise was using machines that elevate your legs for you. I can remember as a child playing on these dust-covered contraptions out in her junk-filled garage, and even then thinking something was way off with this broad (compared to what I was used to seeing within my own home). And please know, as an aside, as far as everyone knew within the Turner clan, she was in very good physical and mental health for her age.
I would only stay overnight with her if my cousins accompanied me for fear that she might not remember I was actually there with her. Inevitably after an evening stay, she'd task all of her present grandchildren with "helping with the yard work" during the late morning following. She had a stunning, professionally-land / hardscaped backyard that she was very particular about. Therefore, we became her worker bees while she administrated (whilst sipping on a sun tea and at times sunning in her bra / panties and hose).
Now, regarding said yard, she did work in it herself to maintain its form and structure during the growing seasons, but other than that, she always seemed to take great joy in being sedentary whilst living in her big house all alone.
It was as if that MO relative to her life (as I knew it) was actually being lived in light of where we're at - to some degree - (pandemic) today.
Presently, in my bedroom at home, I have a beautiful wooden table that was hers. She claimed that she inherited it from her folks, having used it to put her schoolbag on each afternoon there in Cave City, AR, and I have no reason to doubt that. I look at that table and often wonder what she was like before I knew her as my grandmother. Was she as sedentary as a young women as she was later in life? Based on what little I know of her story, she absolutely may have been.
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Overall, based on what I observed, my grandmother delighted first and foremost in being catered to. She was the baby of the household, and her demands were seemingly always met (she used to brag about being spoiled rotten by her successful businessman father). Eventually she married a young farmer (my grandfather) whom she met whilst visiting - of all places - Belzoni, MS. He was also the baby of his family, and what a wealthy (by Mississippi standards) farming family it was that she soon married into!
Cotton was king back then, and the Turners were quite successful at it there in Humphreys county.
All was well 'till my grandfather died of lung cancer in his early 40s, thanks to his penchant for Camel cigarettes. From there, my grandmother's life as a widow of four small boys now demanded much more of her than she was willing to muster. So, she fought it by lashing out at her in-laws, all the while making accusations that she wasn't being treated / catered to enough to her monetary liking.
The Turner family, in some - if not all - part due to her selfishness, literally sheared apart, and I believe her default "laziness persona" played a sizable role in this. From there, that schism took its toll generationally, and no doubt still exists to this day.
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This "laziness persona" can afflict any and all of us. Though many would argue that catering to a child's desire to be lazy can set in motion lifelong struggles going forward, what of seasons of life - as of today during this pandemic - where the "laziness persona" sets / creeps in?
Let's point out some subtleties here in order to display some talking points.
- Church attendance no more (or at least not in the immediate future)
- Disinterest in perpetuating / cultivating longstanding friendships going forward
- Weight gain / disinterest in physical fitness
- Relaxed attire, especially within formal settings (professional)
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A lot of people, Christian people, are no longer attending church, and not because they're concerned for their health. I fear this will have a long-term impact on the church. If you're not physically present, your "church part" (part you play / role you play in the church) cannot be satiated, nor can you be ministered to as effectively. Facebook Live simply won't cut the mustard in this regard, and the church will suffer. Why sit back and allow Christ's bride to be neglected in this way?
Using the pandemic as an excuse to ignore the hard to love is a pathetic excuse relative to Christian sympathy and grace. Do not do this. How can we love our neighbors as ourselves when we shun our them alright?
Being fat as a Christian reduces influence. We need more influence as Christians, not less. Eat less, move more. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. Treat it as such.
Dress in a way that makes you look your best...even during a pandemic.
Sunday, August 9, 2020
The Asymmetrical Skank Versus A Feminine Beauty To Serve / Protect
Years ago, a 401(k) recordkeeper wholesaler came by to visit our office (for the first time), and as I usually attempt to do, I worked hard to make "get to know you" conversation. It's important to note that every recordkeeper wholesaler that I've met (so far) is male, and I'm not really sure why that is. From there, somehow, the dialogue turned towards marriage / divorce, and I believe that pivot took root from a comment I made relative to a Third Party Administrator rep who'd recently announced the end of his marriage. Out of implied mutual concern, I'd wondered perhaps if this wholesaler might have known this TPA friend of mine, but from what I can recall of his reaction, he did not.
Therefore, I went on to detail my surprise at hearing of my friend's pending divorce, but especially from the standpoint that the man's wife was a noted, locally recognized sex therapist. Not that I - across the board - assume that 401(k) TPAs and sex therapist aren't ever to have marital issues, but "they seemed so happy", at least according to what I'd witnessed secondhand (hearsay).
From there, the wholesaler made a comment that really unsettled me.
Essentially, he stated that wives must at times act like a skank in order to please their husbands / keep their marriages on solid ground.
Now, in looking back on this conversation, I'm not so sure I'd ever heard that word. Skank. Nevertheless, I knew what the word meant, and when I heard him annunciate it, I remember wanting to unhear it because it didn't sit well with me in the least.
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Wives not adequately servicing their husbands in bed - out of duty to them - and thereby "disrespecting" these men, by "forcing them to find sexual relief elsewhere" is so not in line with my understanding of marriage, but I've heard this rationale before from prominent Christian pastors / counselors. And there's a part of me that's wondered if my stance regarding this might be due to my same sex attraction, but having taking the time to look at my own marriage, which has been rooted in scripture from the beginning (though by no means perfectly), I don't buy into this notion that wives are tasked by God to be some version of a matrimonial sexbot.
The absolute clarifier for me regarding this is fornication. This is the sexual relationship prior to marriage that's forbidden by God, but today is the norm. Men and women live together sans ever marrying and are perfectly content with this arrangement.
Why?
I believe expectations relative to themselves and their romantic partners have a lot to do it (& not just regarding performance in bed), and thereby the control implied within the "shack up" arrangement simply makes sense to them. Conversely, with moral standards thrown out the window, all bets could be off regarding ever maintaining the faithfulness implied within the pretend marriage. Hence, there's flexibility there to cheat without really cheating since everything was agreed upon on a napkin.
Marriage is first and foremost about faith in God and trust in both yourself and each other, and that's a big, big deal that many no longer see a use for. Besides the legal contract itself, those things alone are enough to keep many lovers from taking the plunge, but especially so if enjoyable, non-procreation sex before marriage is readily available.
What marriage isn't is a test of wills or some version of performance art. No, that falls back into the fornication camp that we discussed earlier.
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What all this boils down to within my mind is the following: Women / wives are absolutely not equal to men / husbands relative to the sexual aspects of a marriage or any romantic relationship for that matter. And no, even taking all the available prophylactics available nowadays into consideration, giving women a sense of complete control over their reproductive cycle, this still doesn't even things up for me. There simply ain't no truth in the sexual revolution, baby, and there never has been.
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One additional anecdote here, and I'll work to wrap this post up.
A vaccine for children was released years ago that immunizes them from HPV. HPV is a sexually transmitted disease that's transmitted during sex via genital warts that occur on the infected's skin. These warts can vary in size and shape along with quantity, therefore taking note of them early on isn't always a viable given for those infected. Females who contract HPV are at higher risk for developing cervical cancer later in life, therefore it behooves them to avoid HPV at all cost.
I was curious as to what a male doctor friend (who is also a father of teenage daughters) had in mind relative to vaccinating his own with this medical preventative. His response was as follows: If my daughters will only keep to their faithfulness to God, they'll be no need to worry about them contracting HPV.
It was an earnest answer, but it left out the reality of how some women - even Christian women - become infected by the virus. That being, by men, who are at times their husbands, who've no clue that they've been infected via their promiscuous lovemaking. Again, to me, this callousness points back to this cattywompus notion that women / girls are in no way vulnerable / at risk here to man's stupidity, and I simply don't buy that.
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I have been convicted more and more as of late as a man / husband relative to the sexual influence I have / have had over women who I come in contact with / have come in contact with throughout the week / throughout my life. Now, hear me out here. I'm not referring to myself as some sort of on-the-prowl super stud. I know there are men who fall into that camp. I've met them and have even been in their midst enough to know personally of the massive damage they entail via their constant sexual shenanigans.
For me, I'm referring to primarily a lookback relative to my teenage years forward, taking into consideration exactly what romantic opportunities were put in front of me and how I chose to respond to those. And yes, I know that sounds chauvinistic - as if it's all one sided (me versus sexbots?). But I'm convinced that had my mind been more open to what sexual influence I actually wielded back then (high school / college days), a few females would have clearly been taken advantage of by none other than me. How exactly they would have responded to those advances is a moot point here not only historically but morally as well (refer back to my diatribe on fornication if need be).
So many men / boys are keenly aware of their sexual influence on / over the opposite sex. That was not and still isn't me. It's like it was hard-wired into their psyches. And I would take that a step farther by arguing that many often use that "know-how" to their advantage whilst satiating their libidos and leaving plenty of emotional / relational damage in their wake.
In closing, I've been recently convicted of God's protective handiwork regarding my personal noninfluence over the teenage girls I gravitated towards platonically in high school. Thanks be to God for this.
Monday, August 3, 2020
Lashing Out Like Nobody's Business / Think Less Of Yourself / Honor Those Who Self-Loathe (w/ gusto if you yourself can relate)
What separates us Christians from pagans relative to our behavior? Are we to be perfectly sinless, perfectly presented, perfectly predestined?
Of course.
In fact, that's our only hope to avoid the consequences of our pending judgement: hell.
And we do this in and through Jesus Christ and what he chose to do for us on the cross of Calvary. Our lives are substituted for the life he lived (& continues to live in heaven) on our behalf. Therefore we, within our Heavenly Father's eyes, are perfectly sinless, perfectly presented, perfectly predestined. And it is through our God-given faith in Jesus that this substitutionary perfectness happens.
Therefore, this delightful, humbling truth should course through our veins each and every day in line with our own personal understanding of our depravity.
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What in the world is depravity?
That's our imperfection as it relates to our propensity to sin. And it's best chronicled, at least for me, within my personal relationships.
This past week, I wrote a letter to a friend who's a youth pastor, but I gave it to him only as a placeholder. For the letter was addressed to my youth pastor of 1986 (when I was in middle school). My memories of my youth pastor from the '80s coalescence in so many ways with my friend (who's a 2020 youth pastor), and since I have no knowledge of where my former youth pastor is (or even if he's alive), I felt so moved to gift the letter vicariously. This was an exercise in chronicling one aspect of my depravity.
The letter was one of apology. For secretly sinning against my youth pastor in a sizable way (back when I was under his guise as a teen).
As Christians, the Holy Spirit resides in us. It reveals the thoughts of God to us. Thusly, we stand to often be convicted of both past and present sin (breaking the law of God). From there, we know well our depravity. And this propels or fuels our love that much further towards Jesus, our Savior, in line with his aforementioned substitutionary perfectness.
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How does all of this that I've described above impact our reactions to our enemies? Especially if our enemies were once our (close) friends?
Christianity is rooted in grace. Grace is the foundational concept behind all of it. That should be clear by now having read through this commentary.
So what is grace?
I've always seen grace as a reaction more than anything else, and that reaction, for me, is best described as a consistent, unequivocal pursuing in love. Even if we've been sold out, maligned, demonized, etc. Grasping grace runs counter to our sin nature. It is the paradox of Christianity that overturns any and all personal responsibility regarding our salvation from the demands of hell.
Ultimately, it is through our comprehensive knowledge of God's grace towards us that we show grace towards everyone around us, and this in turn points back to my first question.
What separates us Christians from pagans relative to our behavior?
And this should especially be the case for those friends (who're perhaps now enemies) who may have a tendency to wrestle with their faith and all the connectedness / demands it entails. Even if they run over your dog, steal your wife, or burn down your house. All in all, think less of yourself and you will please God in the end.
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