When The "What If" Comes Home To Roost - Further Thoughts / Update

Today was the second consecutive day I was able to visit my sweet Angie in the hospital.  I arrived right at Noon, and whilst entering her room found her sound asleep.  Having had a full morning of PT and otherwise (starting at 4 AM), she was pooped.  So, I sat there on the vinyl couch under the partially closed venetian blinds and listened to her heavy breathing as she took in some Zzzz...

Overall, it was relatively quiet except for the constant volume of conditioned air being distributed throughout the room via the ceiling diffuser.  I took her cell phone and room phone from her bed ever so carefully in order to not wake her.  And then I just leaned my head back and sat quietly, staring all the while at that one ceiling diffuser.  Eventually, she opened her eyes and we chatted for a few minutes before the announcement came over the intercom that visiting hours were coming to a close.

During the drive to the hospital, I reached out to my Silas to provide an update.  I hadn't chatted with him yesterday, but I had done so everyday since Friday (the day of her stroke), I'd kept him abreast of the crisis in my monotone, matter-of-fact manner.  That being said, during this conversation, he bravely ventured forward by asking me some hard questions.  And I describe them as such because they were qualifying.  And these are always hard by definition.  They're the kind of questions I absolutely love asking of others myself because I tend to make a lot of assumptions otherwise.

To qualify is to determine one's role or responsibility within another person's life - either for a moment, a season or perhaps even for a lifetime.  They're questions that separate the men from the boys in that they're high risk relative to adding additional weight to that which you've already accounted for.

Most men (including myself) aren't looking to carry more weight.  Due to this universally sympathetic truth, qualifying questions are typically deflected easily because they're asked poorly.  And this poorness, I would argue, is usually intentional due to cowardice.  And this is very understandable due to how we as men might fear to look (react) relative to the answers that very well may come at us.  Especially during tight situations.

In closing, it is a fact that this community of Samson men fosters opportunities for qualifying to occur, and that is such a blessing to all of us who participate in following The Path.

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Samson Society is so cool.  

I am amazed that it exists, and of all places, there are five freaking groups that meet regularly within the Jackson Metro, my hometown.  

May our prayer be that this community grows, and that its impact will especially come into play when men need it the most.

Lagniappe

Novelty Is Suspect / Special Effects Are For Children / Participate Within Jesus' Fanbase

Sweet Ginny Owens and I went on a date one summer during the early '90s.  I was home from my collegiate studies in Starkville at the time.  How I got her number, I cannot remember.  But I do remember retrieving her from her mother's home in northeast Jackson prior to taking her to Northpark Mall's cinema to screen Jurassic Park.  I believe it was the second time I'd screened the film, and obviously, due to my first impression, I'd decided to include her during my sophomore outing.

Ginny is wonderfully talented musically, and what makes these gifts that much more amazing is due to her blindness.  I remember distinctly her asking me to describe the dinosaurs in the film.  That was likely the most difficult question I've ever been asked.

But what makes Ginny and other blind individuals unique is how sheltered they are from novelty and its consistent pull relative to novelty's bias towards the visual.  For this is where novelty tends to root itself, and of course, as we all know as men, our eyes are the easiest means for us to be deceived, hooked, taken advantage of.

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I've often wondered if individuals are committing less of a sin if they're lusting after Internet porn on a small screen (tablet / smartphone) versus a large computer monitor.  Obviously, there's the super convenience, if not altogether implied magic of being able to almost instantaneously view porn on these handheld computers, and this drives their appeal to the masses.

A man I once had the privilege of serving as a Silas admitted to me that he'd purchased one of these tablets out of the desire to fall in line with his peers.  From there, his Internet porn use escalated due to the convenience and magicalness of the tablet itself.  He'd typically take the device to the bathroom  where he could easily masturbate at the lavoratory.  Essentially, it was serving as an exponential upgrade to the hard copy porn magazines of yesteryear.

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Mainstream films, just like automobiles, are expected to historically wow consumers year after year.  Within films, this is accomplished via special effects, and with automobiles, it's through the expected bells & whistles, interior finishes, performance figures, propulsion systems, etc.  If these two examples aren't successful in keeping pace with consumers' novelty expectations, the film's / automobile's creators will be scorned relative to making something that contains no novelty, but is instead, a "step back" or "antiquated-feeling" effort towards the industry itself.  Therefore, novelty is and likely will always be super high priority for these industries.

To take it a step further, we are bombarded with both professional critics as well as opportunities (for us) to critique just as the pros do 24 / 7 / 365.  This no doubt fuels the rat race of novelty, and it permeates everything within the western world / our western culture.  It is a very weird obsession that refuses to take into account its (at times) own irrelevancy.  

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Why is this important to understand about our world?

Firstly, we certainly want the best of whatever it is we're considering to consume whether we're choosing entertainment or depreciating assets, and there's no doubt this is in line with logic.  All of us Americans prefer the best because we feel obligated to how products have been marketed to us as such.  And on the opposing side of that truth, we westerners deed ourselves as well as our families as deserving enough to justify this idealized pursuit.

But mostly, the why can be answered as follows:  Many of us are wired like immature children who cannot get enough of that wow factor hit after hit after hit.  Yet, this is the part that no one wants to admit to because being wowed is also a helluva lotta fun to "kids of all ages" due to how distracting it can be.

The apostle Paul wrote about childishness within Scripture and the dangers of not maturing out of that mindset into adulthood.  I would argue, here in the western world, maturing out of a childish mindset is not an easy thing to do, but especially so from the standpoint of how elevated the wow factor truly is within our society / culture as a whole.

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The vehicle that was Howard Wilson Chrysler Plymouth's bread and butter during the summer of 1991 was the Plymouth Voyager.  I know this because I sold many of them whilst working there during those 8 weeks.  The '91 was the second generation of this esteemed minivan, and as such, it served as an almost perfect maturation forward relative to the original vehicle.  Therefore, selling it to retail consumers was almost impossible to screw up.

The sole proprietor of the dealership would masterfully take former (first generation) purchasers through the '91 model , expertly pointing out all of the novel generational upgrades that had been made.  He was incredibly adept at this.  Watching him gave the impression that he'd designed the second generation Voyager himself with all of its novel touches / details.  I used to stand in awe as customers would literally be mesmerized at both his approach as well as the seemingly perfect upgrades this van presented from the first.

There are too many Jurassic Park movies to count.  Too many dinosaurs.  Too many islands.  Too many children trying to outrun prehistoric beasts.  But, there is a distinction between each, and that distinction is novelty.  It's a masterful exercise in selling consumers the same idea rearranged or upgraded for another go round.

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Novelty builds on the past.  Having no understanding of the past renders novelty partially impotent.  Also, having an understanding of the past but with no expectation / anticipation towards the future (that's in relation to the past) also renders novelty somewhat impotent.  And, I believe, this is an important point due to how it can serve as a means for us as men to decouple ourselves from the puppeteer behind our obsession with novelty.

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In closing, thankfully, most of us see just fine, therefore we're blessed to rely primarily on our eyes to guide us along.

I'll wrap this up with a few questions.  Are you a fan?  Are you within a fanbase?  Is that fanbase for an entertainer, corporate entity (such as a car manufacturer), or maybe even a preacher?

I would encourage you to ask yourself why exactly.  And if you determine that the pursuit of novelty has any part in that admiration, be wary of what could be a sizable part of your boyhood that should have never been allowed to enter (from your childhood past) into your adult self.  

The Bible speaks about seeing / perceiving things in and through our faith alone.  It's a way of life that Ms. Ginny Owens knows all too well, and one I would argue we too should learn to embrace as Christian men.  By doing so, we relinquish the demands of the wow factor to our past immature selves.  This enables us to move forward to varying degrees in an effort to become more and more immune to one of the greatest trappings / obsessions of the western world. 

From there, how we spend our time, talents, thought life, and $$$ will definitely be impacted to better align with our highest priorities as Christian men, rendering the trappings of this world as less and less of a draw.  And this is no doubt a good move as we're called to focus our attention elsewhere, being in the world but not of it.

Remember, our God nor the gospel itself will never be new and improved.  It doesn't need to be.  It is the proper cure.

Dirty Old Man / The Allure Of The Seductress - Part 1

Perhaps I was around the age of my youngest daughter when what I'm about to chronicle here occurred.  Maybe around 9 or 10.  I honestly don't remember.  What I do remember is feeling really dirty whilst being exposed to something that no one should ever see.  And too, this was because it was knowingly wrong.  I knew that from within my child conscience at the time.  As we all know, porn is easy to spot, even when - or especially so - when you're young.

Yet, here I was sitting next to this Dirty Old Man on his couch watching the CRT screen as it projected an image that was just too shocking yet also too enthralling for me to look away from for those few minutes. 

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Regularly, when I was a child, neighbors of ours would babysit me after school 'till early evening as my mother worked.  This couple was a little younger than my 'rents, and they had two daughters of their own.  The mother of this household had parents who also lived within our 'hood, and therefore on rare occasion (thankfully), I would be left with them instead (especially if it were over the weekend).  Her parents lived within a ranch house just as everyone else did within "Traceland North" that had the inevitable CRT TV cabinet stationed within the living / den space. 

The Dirty Old Man (my regular babysitter's father) worked as a mailman.  I vividly remember this.  He was small in stature and not surprisingly, there was a striking physical resemblance between father / daughter.  And, in many ways, this resemblance also carried over into their personas.  Callous / jaded are the best words I can come up with to describe both of them based on the vestiges from +/-40 years prior.

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So, here I was on this humid Summer evening on St. Augustine Dr. in Madison (just a few houses down from my own) back in the early '80s watching porn next to this Dirty Old Man.  I remember he kept flipping between the porn channel he desperately wanted to watch and others, but eventually, he simply stationed himself on the images of the countless beauties all lined up and exposing their voluptuous breasts.  To describe it further, a mainstreamish porn program was airing that was essentially a topless beauty pageant, and I believe the host was someone akin to a lookalike, very aroused Lyle Waggoner. 

Thankfully, the Dirty Old Man's wife eventually strolled into the den and scolded him for watching the smut, and this seeded enough conviction for him to flip the channel away from it for good.

Nonetheless, the damage had been done despite there only being a few minutes of exposure on my part.

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I've had men tell me that they've had similar childhood experiences with their own version of the Dirty Old Man, but usually theirs didn't have the element of obvious conflicted seductiveness that mine did.  And what I'm referring to is the allure of the smut that I witnessed as a boy and its affect / impact on the Dirty Old Man.  Please know, I have no recollection of him attempting to "usher me into the world of men" or anything of that sort on this particular evening.  If anything, he was simply annoyed that I was even there that night due to the fact that my presence was no doubt agitating his own very horny conscience.  Therefore, not only was I interrupting his private pleasure viewing but no doubt taking up precious space within his rancher.

So what of the allure of the seductress through porn or even within day to day life coupled with the role of the Dirty Old Man?  Is it she or he (or both) that's to blame here?  If so, why?  Aren't women rightfully qualified to harness whatever means possible to enjoy their lives / promote their own welfare?  Too, aren't men at times simply qualified as rightfully Dirty when they find themselves facing their arousal templates (within beautiful women or otherwise)?  Sexuality is a gift from God, is it not?  Therefore, why did this feel so very wrong to me as a boy?

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Years ago, "Friend Finder" is what an old friend of mine called the hookup site he utilized to connect with two local women remotely.  He took both of these new "Friends" on dates before deciding on one in particular as his newly found romantic partner.  This friend of mine (we'll call him Dean) hadn't dated anyone for as long as I'd known him (+/-5 years).  Instead, it was his many pets that he adored (literally) during what little downtime he had, as he worked long hours as an electrician.  I suppose hookup sites like "Friend Finder" were catered somewhat to introverted men like Dean.  Nonetheless, I remember clearly inviting Dean to bring his new "Friend" with him to my parents' abode for dinner one night in an attempt to respectfully celebrate his newfound relationship.  I did this out of honor and respect for my friend.

First and foremost, the woman he was now dating was physically captivating.  I distinctly remember being caught off guard by how seductive she looked when she stepped out of the car there on my parents' driveway. 

Dean had family money (primarily in the form of land).  Lots of it (for Mississippi).  For that reason as well as his new "Friend's" propensity to encourage Dean to consume alcohol (he was an alcoholic as his father was), Dean's family immediately (mother, sister) grew very suspicious quickly.

But, oh my goodness, this woman was absolutely sexual, ramped up to level ten.  And this seductiveness combined with Dean's years of chastity ushered him into a sexual sin-laden milieu that crushed / warped his pre-"Friend Finder" hyper-rational self.

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As an aside, only on one occasion have I seen a Samson man describe his wife as a sex addict.  In essence, blaming her obliquely for their marriage's travails.  And in response to this shocking revelation, I didn't actually find the sex addict title to necessarily run afoul with my impression of her and her story (as told over time by him to me).  Oddly enough, seeing the two of them together with their children coincidentally seemed to actually confirm some of what he'd shared.  She was off the charts confident in her poise within any and all situations.  And again, her sexualness too, was ramped up to level ten just as my aforementioned old friend's (Dean) lover's was. 

Summing these two ladies up here as follows:  Considering a man like myself (w/ my sexual hard wiring), for these two ladies to invoke even a tad bit of interest / arousal, absolutely proved their "sexualized merit". 

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In closing, Dean's aforementioned "Found Friend" would eventually begin stalking him by sitting in her car outside the restaurant where we'd be eating during the Samson Society "After Meeting".  Dean overtly refused to not answer her text messages, therefore this served as a means for her to track his whereabouts - even whilst attempting to get help via our Christian community.  Eventually, Dean and his "Friend" had a physical altercation at her home (whilst shacking up) that involved one of Dean's beloved handguns.  By God's grace, despite the gun going off, no one was hurt.  This event thankfully served as a wakeup call for Dean to move out as the attorney fees hit his pocketbook  relative to the assault charges she filed against him.

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More questions for us to look into in the future.  Why is it that fornication is considered sin according to Scripture?  I know I've asked this question before within other posts, but obviously it has a multi-faceted answer.

Why is it that Jesus demanded the obedience of his followers' sexual thought life?

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An old Presbyterian friend of mine used to cite the Scriptural passages that equated sexual sin to harnessing fire outside of a secure firebox (fireplace), and therefore demonstratively wreaking uncontrolled havoc on those who handled it so stupidly.

This analogy makes me think every time about my parents as teenagers and the ramifications of their collective poor choices, but primarily, I think about the power that so many women choose to so masterfully wield alongside the Dirty Men (old or otherwise) who play their own role within that seductive dance.  This power and this role we'll discuss further next time.  For I believe, it is one of the most personally capitalistic relationships that exists today within our western world.

Surreal

I've referenced my summer in Europe back in '94 within previous posts.  The low point of that trip is as follows:

Whilst traveling overnight by train from Monaco to Florence, Italy, me and a number of other young people (American college students) were robbed.  The thief made off with all my Traveler's Checks as well as a wad of cash, and he did so sans wielding any sort of weapon (as far as we know).  Instead, he simply quietly opened the door to our cab, and by cigarette lighter flame, delicately took what he was looking for ($$$).  

Thankfully, within an adjacent cab, friends of mine were startled awake by his presence, and in turn, he fled.  Unfortunately though, my things were gone, having verified this once I was jostled awake by my concerned friends who came to check on us.

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The remaining train ride into Florence was surreal, but what made it moreso was only the night before, I'd shared the gospel with a new friend, Stan (a fellow traveler within our group from MSU), who just happened to be riding with me.  From that point forward, I vividly remember just sitting there in a daze and feeling extremely vulnerable.

Eventually, we arrived at the train station in Florence just after sunrise.  From there, I filed a police report, and we made our way to the American Express office (having reached out to AMEX by phone earlier on).  Therefore, within a few hours, I had my Traveler's Checks back in hand.  This was reassuring, but didn't stave off the shock nor the surrealness.  That took several days to diminish.

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As I stated within my last post, my sweet wife is currently hospitalized here in Jackson due to her recent stroke.  Having not been allowed to visit with her (due to the pandemic), I can't help but feel as if this entire experience isn't reality.  I cannot underestimate how bizarre I'm feeling as of late, but whilst looking back, I can definitely qualify these feelings in tandem with my memories from the summer of '94.

Very weird indeed.  

When The "What If?" Comes Home To Roost

Angie, my sweet 49-year old wife of almost 25 years was admitted into the hospital this morning.  I rushed her there under the premise that she was having issues with her sciatic nerve (she had numbness in her left leg which is the same side of her bod that she smacked down on back in January when she got tripped up on our driveway).

Unfortunately, it turned out to be much more serious than a pinched sciatic nerve.  Instead, we were soon informed, it looked to be a stroke.

Weirdly, I've had little to no admittance into the hospital(s) due to the pandemic restrictions, therefore other than this horribly frightening news / event, it's been a fairly normal day.

Tonight, I will have an opportunity to spend some time with her.  Her neurologist has been kind enough to bend the rules for us.  Angie is a expert crier, therefore I know whilst there, she'll do some of that for both of us.

We've never walked this particular road before.  Pray for me to stay optimistic, but primarily, pray for Angie.  Her spirits have been and continue to be low indeed.  And this particular setback has effectively knocked her on her back.  And this is the last place she cares to be as my wife and the mother of our three girls.

On occasion, I'll have dreams where I'm back working within the field of architecture, yet I've no recent experience (which I really don't), therefore I'm anxious to boot about how I'm supposed to make this work.  And then I wake up, and thank God, I realize it was only a dream.

This has been one of those days that I wish I could wake up from.

Be Wary Of Your Reactions / Impulses In Light Of Your Influence As A Christian Man

Every man has his pet peeves.  For Rob, I offer a handful here:

• Men who compulsively stroke their facial hair - mustaches / beards - as if they might lose their precious hair growth spontaneously thereby needing to constantly remind themselves that it's still on their faces.
• Disgustingly nasty car windows that have been repeatedly licked and nuzzled by pets who ride shotgun next to their human masters.
• People chewing on their fingernails.
• Incessant belching 

You too have pet peeves.  Things that bother you to no end (perhaps they're similar to some of my own), but that you no doubt tolerate out of respect for others.  At times, it can be exhausting to keep up the front, but you do it anyway knowing that you too have quirks that drive other people similarly crazy.

We all want to be free to behave as we so choose, and too in line with that thinking, encounter zero obstacles along the way.  That's the American way, right?

But, as Christians, what of those inevitable obstacles?  How should we respond?  And does it really matter?

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Our church home is Lakeside Presbyterian Church.  When we initially joined, the Senior Pastor was very close to resigning his position there, therefore during that initial year or so, the pulpit was filled each Sunday with either one of two tenured on-staff Associate Pastors, and both of these men I had the good fortune of getting to know well and subsequently warm up to.

Then came the new Senior Pastor.  Eventually though, 3 to 4 years later (if not longer), he was voted out of the pulpit by the congregation and begrudgingly asked to leave.  But when this occurred, he pooled his Lakeside Pres parishioner resources and from there, simply started a new church across town.  When this occurred, 20+ families left Lakeside Pres to join him there along with Lakeside Pres' tenured (& extremely well respected) Music Minister.  Within 12 to 18 months, that new church imploded in on itself and eventually the pastor fled Mississippi altogether to return to his former South Carolina.

My second architectural job was at an established firm here in Jackson.  There were four shareholders and +/-20 employees.  Seemingly, one of the most integral of these employees was a super friendly guy who was close to the same age as the shareholders (who were mostly in their 40s to 50s).  Though he never talked about his faith, he was no doubt committed to a local church.  I admired and looked up to him an awful lot as a young man.

Eventually, his church hired the architectural firm we were both employed at to master plan a new campus, but to his chagrin, he was not appointed to serve on the church's building committee despite his existing role as deacon.  In reaction to this, he immediately left the church and began attending another across town.  In doing so, he walked away from his service role there, friendships, influences.  As a result, my admiration for him went up in smoke overnight.

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Men who are Christ-followers are first and foremost always peering into the future at their promised reward in heaven, and this outlook permeates them holistically.  Because of this, they simply do not allow themselves to be deterred or defined by life circumstances - most of which they have little to no control over.  

They understand that this heavenly reward is undeserved, therefore too, that profoundly impacts their outlook on their own life.  The gospel of Jesus Christ and the example Jesus set before Christians is what they rest in.  He is there Priestly High-King.

Once you've studied the life of Christ within Scripture in order to emulate, it literally screams exemplified responsibility towards the masses but especially so towards the church, Christ's bride.

Therefore...

Shenanigans like what I described above you should never encounter amongst Christian men.  It's simply not within their redeemed DNA to behave in this way.  

But, as we all know, we're susceptible to react in ways that may feel warranted thanks to our flesh, but after the dust settles...

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In closing, I've been working with a close friend on a book he's writing.  It's been such a privilege.  In reviewing his first draft a few weekends ago, I took note of some of his biases (pet peeves) through his prose.  Therefore, when we came together to discuss, we laughed a lot about this.  

Writing a published work finds its rigor in speaking to the (hopefully numerous) prescribed reader without offending him / her.  To do this as an author, you must keep your cards close to your vest at all times, and this forces you to rely on tried and true resources that are far beyond opinion.

As I told him that day, opinion is only suitable for blogs!

So, what's the point of this discombobulated post?

The point is this.  Samson Society can assist you in meeting the ideal that I described above if that's what you're now pursuing or feeling so lead to pursue.  

An old friend of mine cites Mr. Nate Larkin's book, Samson Society & The Pirate Monks, by touting Nate's observation therein of how effectively God speaks in and through community to each and every Samson man.  So, the next question might be, what exactly does God say?

Whatever he has or will say to us involved in Samson Society will never be without merit.  No matter where you're at today or have been yesterday, Samson Society can help you understand better whom God - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - truly is as well as where you yourself reside in relation to him past, present, and future.  Please join us.

Spiritual / Emotional Support For Silas

At times, as a Silas, what you're being asked to carry is too heavy a spiritual load for your singular self.  Speaking from experience, it can be agony doing the good and necessary work required of a Silas.  Therefore, the reality of the situation may be this:  You've volunteered yourself to step into a friendship that's overwhelmingly difficult to manage alone.  Oftentimes, when you as a Silas are faced with these circumstances, the man you're walking with is one you deeply care for (from the getgo), therefore the outcome of his current quagmire(s) will no doubt be impactful to not only himself (as well as his sphere of influence) but you as well due to the perceived ramifications therein.

When one agrees to become a Silas to another Samson man, there's not much, if any, knowing for sure if you can manage the spiritual / emotional load on your own.  But, I would argue within the first few months (if not weeks), you'll identity whether you're ill-equipped to do this job well sans any outside support.

So, if support is needed, where to look?  Remember, there's that whole strictest confidence bit that needs to be adhered to.

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The Bible is clear about the role of church elders.  It describes these men qualitatively as well, holding them in high regard.  They are the crème de la crème of Christian men according to Scripture.

I have one elder, in particular, at our church whom I've set up specific times to meet with to simply pray with me over my Silas burdens.  This man is privy to Samson Society, enough at least in concept, to be sympathetic to my needs without asking too many questions.  And man, was it an awesome relief to have his listening ear as well as his praying heart (for me and my Samson friend - who was always kept anonymous).

We're all human beings and even with the Holy Spirit living within us as Christians, at times we need other, wiser men to come alongside us for some intensive care / support.  Be willing to admit to that, and always remember to tap into this resource if need be.  Elders are willing to fight with you so long as they're given the opportunity to assist.