When The "What If?" Comes Home To Roost

Angie, my sweet 49-year old wife of almost 25 years was admitted into the hospital this morning.  I rushed her there under the premise that she was having issues with her sciatic nerve (she had numbness in her left leg which is the same side of her bod that she smacked down on back in January when she got tripped up on our driveway).

Unfortunately, it turned out to be much more serious than a pinched sciatic nerve.  Instead, we were soon informed, it looked to be a stroke.

Weirdly, I've had little to no admittance into the hospital(s) due to the pandemic restrictions, therefore other than this horribly frightening news / event, it's been a fairly normal day.

Tonight, I will have an opportunity to spend some time with her.  Her neurologist has been kind enough to bend the rules for us.  Angie is a expert crier, therefore I know whilst there, she'll do some of that for both of us.

We've never walked this particular road before.  Pray for me to stay optimistic, but primarily, pray for Angie.  Her spirits have been and continue to be low indeed.  And this particular setback has effectively knocked her on her back.  And this is the last place she cares to be as my wife and the mother of our three girls.

On occasion, I'll have dreams where I'm back working within the field of architecture, yet I've no recent experience (which I really don't), therefore I'm anxious to boot about how I'm supposed to make this work.  And then I wake up, and thank God, I realize it was only a dream.

This has been one of those days that I wish I could wake up from.

Be Wary Of Your Reactions / Impulses In Light Of Your Influence As A Christian Man

Every man has his pet peeves.  For Rob, I offer a handful here:

• Men who compulsively stroke their facial hair - mustaches / beards - as if they might lose their precious hair growth spontaneously thereby needing to constantly remind themselves that it's still on their faces.
• Disgustingly nasty car windows that have been repeatedly licked and nuzzled by pets who ride shotgun next to their human masters.
• People chewing on their fingernails.
• Incessant belching 

You too have pet peeves.  Things that bother you to no end (perhaps they're similar to some of my own), but that you no doubt tolerate out of respect for others.  At times, it can be exhausting to keep up the front, but you do it anyway knowing that you too have quirks that drive other people similarly crazy.

We all want to be free to behave as we so choose, and too in line with that thinking, encounter zero obstacles along the way.  That's the American way, right?

But, as Christians, what of those inevitable obstacles?  How should we respond?  And does it really matter?

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Our church home is Lakeside Presbyterian Church.  When we initially joined, the Senior Pastor was very close to resigning his position there, therefore during that initial year or so, the pulpit was filled each Sunday with either one of two tenured on-staff Associate Pastors, and both of these men I had the good fortune of getting to know well and subsequently warm up to.

Then came the new Senior Pastor.  Eventually though, 3 to 4 years later (if not longer), he was voted out of the pulpit by the congregation and begrudgingly asked to leave.  But when this occurred, he pooled his Lakeside Pres parishioner resources and from there, simply started a new church across town.  When this occurred, 20+ families left Lakeside Pres to join him there along with Lakeside Pres' tenured (& extremely well respected) Music Minister.  Within 12 to 18 months, that new church imploded in on itself and eventually the pastor fled Mississippi altogether to return to his former South Carolina.

My second architectural job was at an established firm here in Jackson.  There were four shareholders and +/-20 employees.  Seemingly, one of the most integral of these employees was a super friendly guy who was close to the same age as the shareholders (who were mostly in their 40s to 50s).  Though he never talked about his faith, he was no doubt committed to a local church.  I admired and looked up to him an awful lot as a young man.

Eventually, his church hired the architectural firm we were both employed at to master plan a new campus, but to his chagrin, he was not appointed to serve on the church's building committee despite his existing role as deacon.  In reaction to this, he immediately left the church and began attending another across town.  In doing so, he walked away from his service role there, friendships, influences.  As a result, my admiration for him went up in smoke overnight.

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Men who are Christ-followers are first and foremost always peering into the future at their promised reward in heaven, and this outlook permeates them holistically.  Because of this, they simply do not allow themselves to be deterred or defined by life circumstances - most of which they have little to no control over.  

They understand that this heavenly reward is undeserved, therefore too, that profoundly impacts their outlook on their own life.  The gospel of Jesus Christ and the example Jesus set before Christians is what they rest in.  He is there Priestly High-King.

Once you've studied the life of Christ within Scripture in order to emulate, it literally screams exemplified responsibility towards the masses but especially so towards the church, Christ's bride.

Therefore...

Shenanigans like what I described above you should never encounter amongst Christian men.  It's simply not within their redeemed DNA to behave in this way.  

But, as we all know, we're susceptible to react in ways that may feel warranted thanks to our flesh, but after the dust settles...

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In closing, I've been working with a close friend on a book he's writing.  It's been such a privilege.  In reviewing his first draft a few weekends ago, I took note of some of his biases (pet peeves) through his prose.  Therefore, when we came together to discuss, we laughed a lot about this.  

Writing a published work finds its rigor in speaking to the (hopefully numerous) prescribed reader without offending him / her.  To do this as an author, you must keep your cards close to your vest at all times, and this forces you to rely on tried and true resources that are far beyond opinion.

As I told him that day, opinion is only suitable for blogs!

So, what's the point of this discombobulated post?

The point is this.  Samson Society can assist you in meeting the ideal that I described above if that's what you're now pursuing or feeling so lead to pursue.  

An old friend of mine cites Mr. Nate Larkin's book, Samson Society & The Pirate Monks, by touting Nate's observation therein of how effectively God speaks in and through community to each and every Samson man.  So, the next question might be, what exactly does God say?

Whatever he has or will say to us involved in Samson Society will never be without merit.  No matter where you're at today or have been yesterday, Samson Society can help you understand better whom God - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - truly is as well as where you yourself reside in relation to him past, present, and future.  Please join us.

Spiritual / Emotional Support For Silas

At times, as a Silas, what you're being asked to carry is too heavy a spiritual load for your singular self.  Speaking from experience, it can be agony doing the good and necessary work required of a Silas.  Therefore, the reality of the situation may be this:  You've volunteered yourself to step into a friendship that's overwhelmingly difficult to manage alone.  Oftentimes, when you as a Silas are faced with these circumstances, the man you're walking with is one you deeply care for (from the getgo), therefore the outcome of his current quagmire(s) will no doubt be impactful to not only himself (as well as his sphere of influence) but you as well due to the perceived ramifications therein.

When one agrees to become a Silas to another Samson man, there's not much, if any, knowing for sure if you can manage the spiritual / emotional load on your own.  But, I would argue within the first few months (if not weeks), you'll identity whether you're ill-equipped to do this job well sans any outside support.

So, if support is needed, where to look?  Remember, there's that whole strictest confidence bit that needs to be adhered to.

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The Bible is clear about the role of church elders.  It describes these men qualitatively as well, holding them in high regard.  They are the crème de la crème of Christian men according to Scripture.

I have one elder, in particular, at our church whom I've set up specific times to meet with to simply pray with me over my Silas burdens.  This man is privy to Samson Society, enough at least in concept, to be sympathetic to my needs without asking too many questions.  And man, was it an awesome relief to have his listening ear as well as his praying heart (for me and my Samson friend - who was always kept anonymous).

We're all human beings and even with the Holy Spirit living within us as Christians, at times we need other, wiser men to come alongside us for some intensive care / support.  Be willing to admit to that, and always remember to tap into this resource if need be.  Elders are willing to fight with you so long as they're given the opportunity to assist.

Early To Mid-30s Platonic Angst (It's Probably The Setting?)

Though I'm not on recreational social media sites like Facebook and Instagram, I did create a LinkedIn profile back when I began working with my parents in '13.  And though I've never attempted to formally connect to anyone, clients, colleagues, etc. do ask to connect with me, therefore I oblige.

This afternoon, I logged into LinkedIn via the smartphone app and found a connection request from someone I knew not of, and then as I scrolled down, I saw someone I did know from many years ago whom LinkedIn believed would also be a good fit for Rob.

Most of my clients are engineers, therefore LinkedIn's algorithm summizes that I'd like to connect locally with more local PEs, and that's how this particular individual's profile surfaced within my "Suggested Connections".  It presented to me a great opportunity to walk down memory lane.

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Back in 2006, I began my work as a state of Mississippi employee.  I was around the age of 34 at the time.  Having believed I was headed for a middle school teaching job (which is what I'd academically prepared myself for the summer prior through the Alternate Route program at Mississippi College), I'd secured a part-time gig at First Baptist Church Jackson within the preschool ministry as a sort of plain clothes security guard (to help offset my soon-to-be income shortfall).  Therefore, when my teaching aspirations failed to pan out (zero job offers), I was very fortunate to find that a window had opened for me to work within the Department of Finance & Administration as a staff architect.  Having already made the commitment to FBCJ, I continued forward there as well.  All of this vocational change felt remarkably fresh, therefore inevitably, I began to look around at other aspects of my life that obviously would similarly benefit from some needed improvement.

A sizable part of this exercise unearthed my need to find more authentic friendships.  Unfortunately, the job change from private to public sector offered nothing on that front, therefore church seemed the next logical choice.

Besides also working part-time at FBCJ, we were members there too, and this provided me with the good fortune of rubbing shoulders with the aforementioned (now also on LinkedIn) engineer, "Jacob" and his family.

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Jacob and I were of similar age, though his children were younger.  He and his brother both attended First Baptist with their wives / children.  Neither of them had grown up in that church like Angie and I had, therefore I couldn't help but sympathize with his being a newbie.

I remember distinctly wanting to get to know this guy, and the primary draw for me was his personality.  He was very reserved despite his imposing frame, almost to the point of shyness.  His wife, on the other hand, was a much smaller individual though similarly all around beside herself.  Jacob and his brother both were athletically built and tall.  This too was a draw since overall, that just wasn't me -  either in the past or at the present time.

First Baptist Jackson's facilities are over the top for Mississippi.  During its peak back when Angie and I were teenagers, there were thousands upon thousands of Mississippi Southern Baptists who called that church home, many of which were quite wealthy (by Mississippi standards).  Hence, the facilities and location speak to this.  Therefore, the contrast is jarring whilst compared to most every other Protestant church house within a 35 mile radius (if not the entire state).

And just so you know, N. W. Overstreet was the architect for the gothic-style sanctuary / chapel constructed during the mid-20th century at FBC Jackson.  Overstreet is hands down the most renown 20th century Mississippi architect.  Most of his work is noteworthy for its timelessness and intricate detail work.

So here was Jacob and his family attempting to find their place within the commiserate Mississippi mega-church, and me besides who very much wanted to befriend this guy.

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Have you every witnessed awkward amongst guys?  I mean, really awkward.

Let me elaborate by offering up an example.

One of my most favorite volunteer positions within the church house (especially so today) is Vacation Bible School.  I dipped my toe into this particular pool during my mid-30s whilst attending FBCJ.  Obviously, being here in Mississippi, the notion of adult men participating as volunteers within VBS is very unusual.  But, I liked the idea of adding some Y chromosomes to the mix of adult leadership within, therefore I made the commitment (& since then haven't looked back).  Typically, other than teenage helpers, I'm one of the only men working throughout the week to hoard the masses.

I remember distinctly stopping Jacob one Wednesday night.  I was manning my plain-clothed security desk within the preschool area and henceforth stumbled through the following proposal.

"I was wondering if you might consider volunteering with me to help out with Vacation Bible School this summer."

He looked down at me with a blank stare, and his wife (from what I recall) did the same from a short stint down the corridor.  And then they both turned and walked away as if I'd never said anything.

So, that was the beginning and the end of my attempts to break the ice with this guy.  It was quick and very painful.

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From there, I inevitably saw the two of them twice a week at that same juncture as they made their way into the preschool area to retrieve their children.  Of course, I pretended to not even know either of them at this point due to my former humiliation.  And, of course, over time I just felt more and more isolated and idiotic for even attempting to befriend this guy in such a bizarre manner.  On top of that, the platonic attraction towards him didn't wane.  Actually, the opposite seemed to occur, knowing that all bets were off relative to ever knowing him as I wished to.  

Friendship is a gift of unspoken commitment that you give to another human being.  Growing up sans any siblings, I understood this early on, and therefore mostly took a proactive approach to finding friends.  But, that hadn't changed the fact that I was still sensitive to rejection / scorn, especially considering this new place where I'd found myself vocationally.  A lot of good had gone down within my life at this point, therefore I asked myself the following - why not expect more so long as I'm willing to take the risks?  

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More time passed, and eventually, I began to pick up on Jacob and his wife now being platonically "courted" by a much more established (economically) and somewhat older couple within our church.  This couple's children were elementary school age (we knew of their family), yet they'd often accompany Jacob and his wife to the preschool area to retrieve their children after the service, laughing and smiling all the way.  We'll call the husband of this older couple, Richie Rich, for reference.

I began to loathe having to endure my inevitable encounters with these couples versus choosing to embrace some semblance of being glad for their newfound friendship.  Until one day, I found an opportunity to indirectly retaliate as an outgrowth of my loathing.  Which, in looking back, I never should have done.

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If you know me at all, I can be very, very direct at times, and mostly, this is a result of me feeling powerless over a situation.  A lot of times though, it's construed as cruelty, and that's unfortunate.  With friends, I tend to have a long "feeling powerless" fuse, but nonetheless, it is a fuse.  Inevitably, there's an end to either me continuing to choose to be the southern gentlemen or the listening observer.  

One Sunday night, Jacob and his fam, accompanied by the Riches, explicitly broke one of the preschool rules.  Not a significant one, but nonetheless, a mandated rule that whilst abided by, made my job as well as the other hourly employees' jobs much easier.

The Preschool Minister who'd hired me back in '06 was a rule maker, and she expected all of us who worked for her to not only follow them but also to enforce, though to what degree regarding the latter was consistently a subject for debate.

So, I gleefully complied on this particular evening by directing my displeasure directly towards Richie Rich.  And as you might imagine, he didn't appreciate this in the least.  From there, he demonstrated this by storming out of the preschool area with what was surely to be a completely concretized vendetta.

After it was all over, I packed up my things and left feeling not only cast aside but a little frightened as well.  For I knew Mr. Rich well enough to know that due to his pedigree, I might very well just lose my side gig.  This reality made me no doubt regret what I'd done.

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Eventually, we made a discreet exit from First Baptist Jackson a few years later (around 2008), feeling that our two girls were old enough that we could begin to look elsewhere for what we felt we needed within a church home.  And that lead us to Lakeside Presbyterian Church which sits adjacent to our neighborhood at the Reservoir.  At the time, Lakeside stood in stark contrast to First Baptist for us.  Because of that, it was difficult at first, but still...

I was no less waning for authentic friendships at this point, therefore I emailed one of the associate pastors (who was a few years older than I) asking him to join me for lunch.  Soon after meeting up for the first time, I spilled my guts in order to gauge his reaction right there in Primos Cafe on Lakeland Drive.

And the rest is history (& a very positive one at that).

Lakeside Pres proved to be fertile ground for me to authentically connect with other men as I'd never connected prior.  Even to the point that eventually the elders allowed me to start a Samson Society group there (almost 3 years ago).  It's uncanny.

I can't say that I was expecting any semblance of rejection there, but the opportunities for me to find what I'd longed for were almost too easy compared to what I felt I was up against at First Baptist Jackson (which we'll always consider our traditional church home).

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What's the point of this tale?

Don't ever minimize your needs.  Test them, of course, with Scripture, and from there, pray and work diligently to have them met.  Remember too that setting and timing are critically important, but that only the former is really within your control - to any degree.

Today, I hope the best for Jacob and his beautiful family.  LinkedIn's algorithm sure left a lot to be desired whilst making that "Suggested Connection".  Nevertheless, I am glad to be reminded of how far I've been blessed to come relative to authentic friendships.  Looking in from the perceived perimeter gets old quick.  It's within the ring where real life resides.

Samson Society - Pirate Monk podcast - Episode #247 - Highly Recommended

https://samsonsociety.podbean.com/e/episode-274-curt-thompson/

Lakeside Presbyterian Church - Samson Society - Back In Business

Tomorrow morning, Saturday, (5/23) at 7 AM represents a milestone of sorts.

The Lakeside Presbyterian Church Samson Society will once again meet in room B110 there at the church!

This is very exciting news.

Lagniappe

There Are Four Females: 49, 16, 15, & 9 / Keep Your Eyes Open Rob

Yesterday, I sat outside a local Madison restaurant for a few hours at one of their outdoor dining tables biding the time.  My car was being serviced down the road, therefore in lieu of sitting in the garage's waiting room, I set off on foot to find a more comfortable venue.  Fortunately, the day was perfect for being out of doors, therefore I really enjoyed myself whilst also getting a lot of work done.

Over the weekend, I was home alone as the girls enjoyed a short jaunt sans me to rural Yazoo county.  It was wonderful having the abode to myself to speak to for days on end.  This always helps me reset my head.  And this is needed on occasion because when they're with me, I usually do what I can to keep to myself - at least from the standpoint of dialogue.  My thinking is - why compete with so many voices?

As opening time approached at the deli I was stationed out in front of, I took note of a handful of cars that pulled up to the front door in order to drop off a young black female employee(s) who was soon to start her / their shift work.  In each case, the cars were packed with young, black females, a few of which had babies in their arms.  Growing up here in Mississippi, what I was seeing wasn't new to me.  This represented the norm.  Blacks here in our state mostly live impoverished, marginalized lives, therefore in order to survive, they pool their resources generationally & platonically.  Or at least the black females do.  

Taking all that I was observing into consideration, in light of my present situation as a father / husband, this devastatingly sad racial / gender reality hit me particularly hard yesterday.

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Angie and I married almost 24 years ago at First Baptist Church Jackson.  Immediately following, we made a commitment to be involved within a young newlywed Sunday School class - no matter where we chose to worship.  And this brought us in contact with lots and lots of other middle to upper-middle class white couples who were similarly within the throes of newlyweddedness as we were.

One Saturday during this season, many decades prior, we attended a weekend dinner party hosted by a fellow couple which had been organized for the entire class.  I recall vividly using their upstairs restroom during the event and whilst sifting through their reading material down by the loo, finding a copy of a paperback titled How To Make Your First Million Dollars.

I must have read and re-read that title twenty-five times as I sat there relieving myself.  

Just holding the book made me feel shallow (& I might add superior).  From there, I felt pity regarding the state of humanity.  But especially regarding the state of man-kind.

Soon thereafter, we made a discreet exit from the party, and I struggled to see this couple with clear eyes from that point onward.

Stupid book and stupid superficial me.

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The role of father to daughters solidifies as daughters grow, and I would argue the role of husband does too.  No doubt, my Sunday School colleague felt drawn to the pursuit of material wealth as a means of obtaining a positive identity as his wife's new husband (at the time few couples within our class had children).  And this makes sense, but man, it seemed so very pagan to me at the time.  Whilst looking back though, I didn't really know anymore than he did relative to whom exactly I needed to position myself to be as husband (much less a future father).

But having a lot of grey hair above my ears and three daughters to rear has changed all of that.  Not to mention living smack dab in the middle of the racially polarized, economically depressed Magnolia State.

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The world we live in is and will always be a man's world.  Therefore, for women to thrive, they need fathers / husbands who're wise to this truth and therefore looking out for the best interests of the women / girls they're called to serve.

Let me repeat that because it's of upmost importance.

The world we live in is and will always be a man's world.  Therefore, for women to thrive, they need fathers / husbands who're wise to this truth and therefore looking out for the best interests of the women / girls they're called to serve.

I want to circle back to the beginning of this post and mention again my recent weekend alone.  

A fair amount of that time was spent with friends who're also men, doing things that we as men enjoyed together.  Obviously, being a short-term bachelor helped to facilitate those encounters.

But, I can tell you, that time alone - even as sweetened as it was with friendship - didn't satisfy me as my now opportunistic yet very routine time being husband / father does.

Why was / is that?

It all goes back to those black females I saw yesterday morning filing out of those Japanese sedans with their delicatessen uniforms on (as they handed off their babies one to the other).  What a sobering reminder that certainly was (for me) of the pivotal role I'm privileged to play as husband / father and therein the impact it does / will no doubt make down the road.

Bring it on.