A Paranoid Man Is The Ultimate Loner (We Welcome Them Into Samson Society)

Paranoia is rooted in mistrust (enacted by a negative event), and mistrust is grounded in insecurity (one's temperament).  Therefore, men who're paranoid, I believe, tend to have more of a feminine bent in regards to their internal wiring (internal security default versus respect default).

What does paranoia look like?

It's a man's constant belief that others are potentially undermining him and what he considers to be important.  The keywords there are "what he considers to be important".

Paranoid men are laser focused on themselves and their ultimate satisfaction via a certain graded standard of performance (their own).  Therefore, looking like a failure, stupid, unintelligent is quite difficult for these guys due to how it stirs up those internal feelings of insecurity (temperament).  Often, these men will discount large swathes of opportunity relative to relationships, vocational challenge, voluntary positions, etc. all due to their determination to "not fail" (or be perceived as such) - even at the slightest level.

And this puts them in a position of being singular.  Me, myself, and I.  All alone.  Because, in their mind, this is the safest position to be in.  And from a rationale point of view, this is quite true.

Sadly, paranoid men who experience rejection by their wives (adultery), job loss (due to their own ineptitude), etc. feel torpedoed.  And this is because their worst nightmare has now come true!

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So how to determine if a guy is paranoid?

It's not easy because they tend to hide it from the world.  Paranoia is like cancer.  It eats the man from the inside out, and he knows it.  Hence, he attempts to hide it from everyone.

The best means of picking up on paranoia is to spend regular time with him.  This can be as an employer, employee, friend, co-volunteer, even a neighbor (longstanding).  But, if you're in a position of authority (either legit or implied) over him, he'll often feverishly hide this part of himself.  Again, because it's like cancer.  And no one wants to be identified with cancer (because it's a disease that weakens / disables / wastes).

But, there is one identifier that you can look out for, though I see it more as a McGuffin than anything else.  And that's seemingly enjoying poor mouthing other men behind their backs.  Men who do this are behaving like women - typically - and this points back to the beginning of this post.

That being said, a guy who's into regularly poor mouthing everyone around him isn't necessarily paranoid, but he may be.

I know.  It's confusing.

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So, what redeeming qualities are there within these men?  Are there any?  Of course.

Paranoid men can be ambitious to a fault and deeply loyal to those they commit to.  Therefore, they tend to be high performance men within the workforce and inside of their families.  Driven.  That's an overused word, but it fits the bill here in describing these men.  Other than that, their positive attributes are all over the map and therefore individually specific.

That being said, many paranoid men I've had the privilege to work with / for / befriend are plenty intelligent, or at least enough so to be cognizant of their own insecurities.

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So what originates a man's paranoia?  Where does the infection (cancer) begin?

I know for some guys, it's an outright inequality in character traits that drives this.  These can be physical (too short, too fat, not masculine enough) mental (not intelligent enough) or emotional (overly sensitive).  If he believes these negative traits put him at a distinct disadvantage, and those "markers" become truth to him, he might potentially be changed over time - for the worse - and become paranoid.

This is why men pay big bucks to attend self-help seminars with men like Tony Robbins or in the same vein, become Scientologists.  Whatever they can do to "de-construct this negative thinking" or somesuch relative to how they perceive themselves.

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What I want to know is are paranoid men actually ever Christians?  Is it possible to be a, transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ, Child of God and yet still be paranoid? 

Whilst looking at Scripture, King Saul is the ultimate paranoid loner.  And God's hand was upon him (for a time) 'till his paranoia towards others seemed to take hold.

Paranoia, I also believe, may be an outgrowth of depression.

So many unanswered questions here.  Sorry about that.  God bless those men who struggle with paranoia.

Paranoia is represented here by the bear.  It's no teddy.

"I (Provide Security To) Joanna!" (The Pitched TV Husband / Dad)

A few years ago, I took the family to Waco, Texas.  My wife and daughters had been a few years prior, and well before that, Angie spent four years there as an undergraduate student at Baylor University back in the early '90s.

I agreed to go in order to see my wife's college town, take in a football game within their new stadium, etc., but for my girls, it was all about celebrating their love for Chip and Joanna Gaines.  Therefore, we took in the obligatory Magnolia touristy settings (Silos, restaurant), and Angie picked up a cookbook (which she's never cooked anything out of, yet it sits proudly at the end of our breakfast room table collecting dust).

Overall, we western white people idolize and absolutely crave fame despite the fact that there's only an infinitesimal chance we'll ever see it.  To us, it's the ultimate means to fortune and perhaps "changing the world for the better".  Therefore, the next best thing is living vicariously through those who have achieved it.  And this is where the Chip and Joanna Gaines of each American generation come into play for so many of us.

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New and newish Samson guys know the uniqueness of attending a Samson meeting.  They feel the atypical within most every word spoken, and it simply doesn't feel at all natural, safe, or even (for many) very productive.  I've heard guys describe it as simply coming together with "a bunch of losers / freaks".

Well, I can tell you based on what I know (key phrase) of Mr. Chip Gaines, he ain't no loser, therefore he certainly will never be a Samson guy.

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Chip Gaines represents the ideal red-blooded American husband / father / businessman.  He's white, has perfect teeth, is rich, funny, and absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt in love with his wife, Jo.

Joanna Gaines is the daughter of immigrants.  She's the more subdued, less outgoing of the two who's constantly feigning over her husband.

Think of them as the inverse of the Arnazes (Desi & Lucille) from the 1950s.  Yet, the "I Love Lucy" show was simply a massively popular television situation comedy featuring two vaudeville actors (along with their two co-stars).  "Fixer Upper", on the other hand, attempts to be much more grounded in reality (television) than "I Love Lucy" ever was.

But is it really, or are we as the audience simply being taken, yet again, for a Hollywood ride whilst all the while being measured up to a standard that's not at all grounded in reality?

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As I've written on this blog repeatedly, women (white women especially) crave security in and through their husbands.  And this feminine attribute, I profoundly believe, is what the popularity of the Gaines' influential television empire is built on.  Therefore, at the epicenter of that is Chip Gaines, or at least the Chip Gaines persona that is solicited to his fans as husband, father, contractor, and hardworking cowboy.

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Not long after the "I Love Lucy" / "Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour" ended its run in the '50s, the Arnazes divorced due to Desi's infidelity / substance abuse.  And this split was well documented, blindsiding and shocking the American public.  Lucille Ball, like so many divorcees, never fully recovered from this despite her hasty second marriage.

Chip Gaines has maintained repeatedly that his love for his beloved Joanna will endure, and that they'll never split under any circumstances.  And by God, it's as if it's been decreed by Moses himself simply because he said it on TV.

Similar to Ms. Ball's emotional fallout to her failed, very public marriage, her Hollywood career also fell apart soon thereafter, and this was due to the fact that what her husband had represented to her (& to the American public) was now seen as a ruse.  In other words, he was simply a "loser" just like most every other American husband.

Oh, if only Samson Society had existed back in 1960...we would have welcomed Desi.

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So, why choose to not elevate / idealize TV personality husbands whether they're from the 1950s or today?  Who instead, but a true loser, would "invest" in anything but attempting to obtain a marriage, family, bank account, notoriety, and influence similar to Chip Gaines'?

Because we don't know anything more than what is pitched to us through the TV screen, within the books, or through their websites about any of these people.  And the key word here is pitched.  Therefore, what we do know cannot be, under any circumstance, trusted.

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Below are the economics of being an entertainment celebrity within our western culture.  It is not complicated.

How does Chip Gaines make his fortune?  The same way Desi Arnaz did.  Loyal viewership.  (All eyes on me.)

Viewership brings in more ad revenue to networks, which in turn increases the already massive pay of TV stars.  Loyal viewership (week after week after week of time wasted) is cultivated by precisely nurturing the pitch week to week, and this is done through  pre-scripting and masterful editing.  Publicists work diligently behind the scenes 24/7 along with teams of personal assistants to fine tune the illusion in order to sell it again and again (eventually into syndication) as a believable, entertaining narrative.

Women are fairly clear cut when it comes to what they perceive as either secure or insecure.  Therefore, relative to TV personalities, the executives have learned how to carry forward, whilst localizing (whether it's 1958 or 2020), that Desi Arnaz image.

So...I'd like to personally circle back to this notion of security and how fundamentally important it is to women.

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+/-10 years ago, my wife was in her late 30s.  At the time, we had two daughters, one in first or second grade and another in kindergarten.  And that was to be our family since we'd chosen to wait 6 years into our marriage to attempt to get pregnant.  All was good.  Very good, in fact.

Then Angie accidently became pregnant a third time.  And my wife isn't a woman who relishes pregnancy.  Quite the opposite.  Mainly due to the discomfort and (for her) constant anxiety relative to the health of herself and the baby.

Ever since this accidental third (high risk) pregnancy, she's been suspect of my penis and its ability to get her pregnant.  Therefore, intercourse is tainted with that reality.  Every.  Single.  Time.  And this is the case despite her now being nearly 50 and experiencing perimenopause.  In other words, there isn't any amount of seduction I can perform on her that might circumvent her now insecurity in me and my curs-ed dick.

Therefore, our sex life has changed dramatically.  But, it's taught me so much about her (for the better, actually).  Angie works full-time as a CPA, and her career is important (to both her and our household income).  Plus, rearing children is exhausting due to it being loaded with heady responsibilities that are constant.  Therefore, the impact of being outnumbered with three offspring can and has been overwhelming to us (along with every other family who's experienced this reality).

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I'm not a TV personality.  Instead, I'm quite the loser / freak with a lot of problems who's invested himself in a ministry called Samson Society.  I do not radiate constant secureness when I'm around my wife, nor do I know how to renovate houses (as they do on Fixer Upper).  I don't drive a pickup truck or wear cowboy boots.  And I'm usually not all smiles all the time - as if I just got laid by my smitten wife (because I likely didn't).  Come to think of it, I'm not even sexually attracted to the mainstream American female!

And I'm at peace with all of that.

You, dear reader, should be too.  To hell with TV personas like Desi and Chip.  Good riddance.  They are the cultural bane of Hollywood despite their being consistent big time money-makers who do so much indirect harm to us, all in the name of entertainment.

I'm simply calling it like I see it.

The opposite of a Samson Society guy.

The Samson Society - The "No Bull Briefing" Newsletter - April 2020

THE NO BULL BRIEFING NEWSLETTER - April 2020

Pirate Monks in Italy Benvenuto Fratelli Italiani!              (Welcome Italian Brothers!) We now have Samson Society meetings in Italy, thanks to the tireless efforts of our brother, Dan Wiens. Dan is hosting daily meetings for Italian men (in Italian) who have been isolated in Covid-19 lockdown for months. Many men have joined Samson Society as a result. Not only is Dan hosting online meetings, but he is also hosting Newcomer meetings and he has translated much or our website for a special Italian language page (check it out HERE). The Coronavirus has hit Italy hard and, like the rest of us, Italian men not used to being confined at home are struggling. Samson Society is meeting that need. If you are fluent in another language and would like to be instrumental in opening up a country to Samson Society, email Tom Moucka. Encouragement             (with thanks to Don Williamson) I needed to read this today: Borrowed this from a friend. Beautiful. This is a poem that was included in one of the many emails I received regarding closures that summed up for me the best response to the current situation. Lockdown Yes, there is fear. Yes, there is isolation. Yes, there is panic buying. Yes, there is sickness. Yes, there is even death. But, They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise You can hear the birds again. They say that after just a few weeks of quiet The sky is no longer thick with fumes But blue and grey and clear. They say that in the streets of Assisi People are singing to each other across the empty squares, keeping their windows open so that those who are alone may hear the sounds of family around them. They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound. Today a young woman I know is busy spreading fliers with her number through the neighborhood So that the elders may have someone to call on.Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples are preparing to welcome and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary. All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting All over the world people are looking at their neighbors in a new way All over the world, people are waking up to a new reality To how big we really are. To how little control we really have. To what really matters. To Love. So we pray and we remember that Yes, there is fear. But there does not have to be hate. Yes, there is isolation. But there does not have to be loneliness. Yes, there is panic buying. But there does not have to be meanness. Yes, there is sickness. But there does not have to be disease of the soul Yes, there is even death. But there can always be a rebirth of love. Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now. Today, breathe. Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic The birds are singing again The sky is clearing, Spring is coming, And we are always encompassed by Love. Open the windows of your soul And though you may not be able to touch across the empty square, Sing. - Fr. Richard Hendrick, OFM, 13 March 2020 "Anyone can be a Silas, and everyone needs a Silas." Dear Brother, If you’re like me, your journey in recovery has had its ups and downs. The upward climb, we find, is not a steady one. The Path we’re on does lead to dizzying heights of freedom and awareness, but there are also setbacks and disappointments along the way. These difficulties should not surprise us. After all, we are recovering from serious injuries and are learning to walk all over again. Brotherhood changes everything. When I am caught in one of my endless, pointless, self-defeating inner monologues, another man can break the trance. He doesn’t even need to say anything. Just the presence of someone who will listen to my story and walk with me awhile opens new possibilities—for both of us. As we consider my situation together, new alternatives present themselves. I believe these suggestions come from Christ himself. In the early days of my recovery, I found it hard to believe that someone I wasn’t paying would actually take an interest in my messed-up life. Now that I am a Silas myself, I understand the rewards of the role. In fact, serving as a Silas enriches my own recovery. When I suspend my navel-gazing for a few minutes each day in order to actually pay attention to another guy, I gain at least as much from our conversation as he does. Serving as a Silas has taught me to listen and to speak the truth in love. More than that, it has taught me that we are all the same, and that we learn as we walk together. As Jesus said, “You have a Teacher, and you are all brothers.” The Silas relationship is the key element of the recovery strategy advocated by Samson Society, even more crucial than meetings. Sadly, though, too many of us wait too long before getting a Silas or never get one at all, and some who are willing to serve as a Silas are never approached. It’s all pretty pathetic, really, reminiscent of our adolescent awkwardness at a junior high dance. If you have not yet experienced the joy of serving as a Silas—or if you have already tasted the rewards and are ready to accept new responsibility—I have great news. Samson House is launching an online Silas-matching program that will pair every newcomer with a Temporary Silas, who will make a 30-day commitment to speak with him on a regular basis. And for guys who want to learn how to be a better Silas, a four-session Silas Training Program is in the works - just days away. If you are willing to register today as an Available Temporary Silas, go here and click the Register button (be sure to log in first):  https://samsonsociety.com/what-is-a-silas/. It will only take a minute, and the experience may be exactly what you need to take your recovery to the next level. —nate Good Quote (again, thanks to Don) “The right direction leads not only to peace but to knowledge. When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him.”   - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity Now Available on Audible! The book that started it all is now available on Audible. You can order it HERE. Read by none other than Nate himself, you will enjoy this Audible version. It's like hearing Nate tell his story in your living room. In fact, you might consider using it in a small group setting to introduce men (and women) to the tribal story of Samson Society. It makes a great gift for your wife, men you know would appreciate it, your therapist, and your pastor. Here's how to shop AmazonSmile and benefit Samson House: 1. Visit smile.amazon.com 2. Sign in with your Amazon.com credentials 3. Choose a charitable organization to receive donations, or search for the charity of your choice 4. Select your charity (Samson House) 4. Start shopping! 5. Important: Add a bookmark for smile.amazon.com to make it even easier to return and start your shopping at AmazonSmile. Many thanks to those using Amazon Smile - last month we received a check for $416.00! All for simply doing what we normally do. Sweet! Special Funding Note Many of our brothers in Samson Society have taken a significant financial hit during this crisis. Please remember them in prayer. The Coronavirus has taken a toll on Samson House funding as well. Remember us in your prayers as well, and if you are able, consider a contribution to help us help men struggling in isolation.

Walk. Long. Distances.

I attended Mississippi State University between 1990 and 1995.  The extra year was due to the additional (required) architecture curriculum.  The first four years had me taking classes in Starkville on the main campus, and during that time, I lived on campus in two separate dorm rooms.  One was in Sessums Hall and one in Evans.  The roommates I ended up with ran the gamut in terms of personalities, beliefs, temperaments.  It was only during my "4th year" (as we architecture students called it) that I had a roommate who was also a - handpicked - previous friend.

So, I didn't have much motivation to spend time with anyone but myself during idle time (which there wasn't much of outside of coursework), but this was especially true during years 1-3.  Considering that, Starkville isn't anything more than a small Mississippi university town.  Other than a very picturesque cemetery that's not too far from campus, there were no parks, topographical landmarks or such.  Plain, boring, efficient, flat.  These were all words that described where I lived at the time.  Monotonous to say the least.  (Though very safe and efficient!)

So, during my time away from the architecture building (Friday nights and Sunday afternoons) with the exception of football Saturdays (I marched in the Maroon Band), I'd take long walks.  My Friday night walks would usually start in a car lot in town with a frozen yogurt in hand, but my Sunday afternoon walks, in contrast, would begin at the rear door of my dorm building, headed south through a then open field. 

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I wasn't athletic at all during this period of my life despite my youth.  I'd headed to college immediately following high school, but had never played any team sports (band geek).  So, walking was all I really knew how to do in terms of intentional physical activity (other than masturbating!).

And it became a wonderful hobby to nurture.

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Today, I serve a number of business owner clients as their group insurance broker and / or their 401(k) plan advisor.  I enjoy working with business owners, with my primary focus being consulting engineers.  Engineers are the next of kin to us architects, also having endured grueling higher learning curriculums at some accredited institution.  I do, as well, serve some individual clients, but mostly my focus has been on engineering firms.

So, on my clients' behalf, it's important that I keep a pulse on the economy.

To summarize where we're at today with this pandemic, let me be frank.

Economically, our world has officially been frozen in so many sectors.  And this has occurred seemingly overnight.  And the longer the economy stays frozen, the harder it will be to melt it.

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I've written here (I think) about Angie's (my wife) shoulder injury that occurred back in January.  Just a few weeks back, she diagnosed herself as having frozen shoulder.  Essentially, this occurs mainly in women (about 2%) who experience injury that then requires the arm to be immobile (in a sling) for an extended period of time during healing.  Frozen shoulder is a shoulder that won't move but a fraction of what it should / did.  It's as if it's literally locked up.  At first, she thought her arm was broken, but the pain-free movement is there to discount that (along with an x-ray).  Instead, due to the inflammation and aforementioned extended non-movement, the ball joint in her shoulder is literally frozen up.  And believe me when I say, it ain't moving except within a small fraction of her original range of motion.

What's sobering about this reality is it could take up to two years for her shoulder to completely thaw, again allowing her to move it within the full range of motion as before.  Hence, our lives here will look very different 'till that occurs.

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Our economy is exactly as vulnerable to this longstanding freezing, and it's all hinged on how long we as consumers refuse / are motivated to not consume (due to the quarantine).  Each and every day that passes, we become more and more comfortable to our "new normal", and we don't even realize it's happening.

What makes us humans so very human is our ability to adapt to almost any conceivable circumstance. In doing so, we expend an enormous amount of effort (& for this we're often quite self-congratulatory), therefore reverting back to our previous selves / ways / patterns is at times neither appealing nor seemingly worth the effort.

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Two years is what we're up against here - at a minimum.  Both in regards to my sweet wife's shoulder as well as our economic outlook.  Therefore, do yourself a favor.  Walk.  Long.  Distances.  Enjoy the Spring weather either during the day or at night.  Set a course and go.

Remember, though you may feel confined to the blender, you do have an opportunity to walk it out.

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