88.6788!

Years ago, Mr. Don Waller would invite us Samson Society men out to rural Hinds County on some family owned property right around New Year's Eve.  He'd have a bonfire built, and we'd eat fantastic home cooked jambalaya or red beans & rice.  Due to the holiday, there'd rarely be more than 6 or 8 of us that would show up, and in looking back, that smaller scale crowd did make for a more intimate experience.

I can remember on each of these occasions, Don, with sage-like fervor, would ask us to state some upcoming year goals / milestones that we wanted to meet as individual men, and not unlike most of these types of conceptual exercises which I'd taken part in before, I'd quickly forget about them as the new year rolled around.

Interestingly enough though, this weekend I realized, quite surprisingly, that I'd met one of these goals - if not exceeded it - by a long shot!

It was one of those very personal goals that I'd simply forgotten to care about whilst going about my life, and then out of the blue, I excitedly realized the truth.

Now, I'm not a goal setter.  Never have been.  And that's simply due to my wiring.

But this really made my day.  Thanks Don!

When Those You Love Lose Their Faith In You and Your Abilities

[There's something to be said here too for losing one's faith in himself (yourself), but I'll address that farther into this post.]

My first job out of college wasn't more than 6 months old when I began to sense the sole proprietor losing faith in me.  And it was centered around my personality.

I am not a team player.  Never have been.  As an only child with two 'rents who weren't all that much older than I, I spent most of my time alone as a child, 'fending for myself - at least emotionally.  Too, I've never had a mentor (much to my chagrin).  All this plus my having to privately manage my same sex attraction throughout my life, made me who I am.  That being, independent to a fault.

And this did not bode well with my first architect boss.  Therefore, when we lost our largest client, he was not at all remorseful to let me go.  Of course, for me, it was devastating.  Angie and I were only a few weeks into our newlyweddingness.  But God was good, and within 30 days I had a new job with better pay / benefits and more responsibility.  That was almost 25 years ago.

-------------------------

One of my oldest friends agreed to lunch with me yesterday.  At the end of last year, he walked away ("to take advantage of a better opportunity elsewhere") from a partnership he'd been privileged to be part of.  One where as a business owner, he found himself at the base of a totem pole, always looking upwards to two seasoned businessmen who were 20+ years his senior.  Now, the "to take advantage of a better opportunity elsewhere" portion of the story is what happened publicly.  My old friend had been part of this firm, either as an employee or shareholder, for close to 16 years.  And within my mind, he was a great candidate to buy these men out (upon their retirement), thereby allowing the business to continue forward under his headship, easily carrying on the legacy that his senior partners had established before him.

But that's not what went down since that wasn't what they today had in mind regarding him.

Similarly this week, I had lunch with a client whose partner simply walked out of the firm, taking the majority of the employees with him, leaving behind no real means to carry on with the workload.

In each case, faith in men, their values, and their abilities was lost.  And from there, the relationships (& subsequent partnerships) collapsed in on themselves.

Now, before we talk about the first few sentences of this post, let me zoom in on the particulars.  Because, that's really where the meat is relative to this critical issue.  And when I say meat, I'm referring to the heart of where Samson Society (or something similar to it) might help.

-------------------------

When my institutional employer lost their faith in me back in '13 (I've cited & expounded on this a good bit within previous posts), I seriously doubt I would have lost my footing emotionally / spiritually - perhaps on any level at all - had the conveyance of said change been more respectfully executed between themselves and me.  And this is the rub within these difficult situations, either as exampled above or certainly within something as interpersonal as a marriage or friendship.  How they're precisely handled matters tremendously relative to communicating the change of heart that's about to upend the relationship.

Regarding vocational relationships, men and women in positions of authority can be cruel, but especially when they feel entitled / are "appointed" to be.  So much so that they may feel justified in - however they feel so moved - to deliver their disappointment, frustration, outrage, and on and on during that critical adjudication.  Never once considering or attempting to empathize with the one on the opposite side of the table.

I speak from experience when I say that 'till you've had your heart submerged into a vat of pejorative acid (by individuals you love / respect / trust), you cannot imagine the emotional fallout that may come from such callousness / unprofessionalism / thoughtlessness.  Especially if these individuals are older than you are.  It really all comes down to circumstances.

But on the flip side of that mess, there's hope still.  Healing for me did come.  In droves.  But, it took years for that to be seen through to its rightful conclusion.  And for me, in particular, because of my independent nature, the impact had to be close to nuclear in order for me to be forced to begin at ground zero.  Which leads me to...

-------------------------

In closing, what does it mean to lose faith in oneself?

Regarding the aforementioned experience back in '13, my God took it upon himself to allow me to be crushed completely.  Thrown off a cliff emotionally with no safety net.  From there, the pain was so intense that I was unable to hold onto any hope at all.  Never had I experienced such massive emotional trauma.  I suppose you could say the timing was perfect for Satan to execute a full press in an attempt to do me in completely.  And no doubt, God allowed that.

The heart of these accusations (from the devil) had to do with the lie that I truly was worthless.  As I would weep whilst curled up in the fetal position on our closet floor on oh so many nights, I felt these accusations to my very core.  

From there, it was simply a matter of waiting on the Lord to heal me.  Or to put it another way, be rebuilt with my entire focus being on what he would do within me going forward versus me having to cope with my life with only a conceptual idea of God's healing / sovereign power running in the background.

And my involvement during this critical time with Samson Society was the perfect petri dish / safe haven for this to healing to take place within.

-------------------------

Tonight, I feel for my old friend as well as my client.  May God have mercy on them as he did me.  What an amazing relinquishment of self identity did I experience.  All of which I can only hope for them too.

Lagniappe

Why Do We Sometimes Find Ourselves Mourning / Grieving The Loss Of A Part Of Ourselves That We Should Be Happy To Be Rid Of? / [Who Or What Exactly Is Influencing You?]

Because we're not actually rid of it (to answer my first question).  Especially if the ideals enumerated within that history are celebrated / go viral within our (now digital) culture.

Our lives aren't like a hard drive within a PC that's written over and over.  Who we were and who we are and who we're becoming is a linear narrative.  What's weird is that as an Christian, you'd think this grieving would actually never occur.  Instead, shouldn't we be celebrating?  Nevertheless, the reality is we have memories of who we were in the past coupled with how we once reacted / rationalized / understood the world around us.

But too (and to attempt to continue succinctly answering my first question), we're not necessarily individuals.  Instead, we're part of humanity.  Whatever that means (temperamental point of view / attitude towards fellow man) for each man at whatever point in time he happens to exist within.  Nothing can completely separate us from life, moving forward, on Earth - side by side amongst our neighbors, co-workers, family, and so forth digitally or otherwise.

-------------------------

The culture continues to degrade, decouple, diminish God's relevancy.  It's happening all around us.  And we cannot stop that from happening.  I mean, we can pray for revival, but otherwise it's out of our control within this Fallen world.  Yet, as believers, we are still no doubt part of that collective despite the fact that this remains no longer our true home.

Hence, we cannot (or at least we should not) extract ourselves from culture.  Nothing in God's word lends credence to this approach.  Otherwise, how would we witness?  No story can be told sans an audience.

-------------------------

When I was in college, I spent one summer living with my parents in a rental house here in Jackson.  My best friend from high school was also home that same summer, and as a nice gesture, I decided to detail his car for him.

What I learned from this experience was how impossible it was to overlook the neglect he'd wrought onto his poor car, having now attempted to restore it to its once former showroom glory.  Therefore, I never offered to do this again.  Now, it didn't keep me from riding with him in the car, but I did not ever want to be tasked with being able to see the damage his car had endured and continued to endure day after day.

-------------------------

We see so much about so many people these days thanks to the Internet.  And, I'm not just referring to entertainment, but arguably the very reason the www exists is to provide us with access to an unlimited amount of data on lives lived and living.  Too, you can step farther back and see the same relative to groupings of people, how they behave, what their moral standings are / are not.  Many, many people use this to their monetary advantage online within this influencer age.

For an amateur sociologist like me, it's a fascinating tool / curse, this thing called the Internet.  But, aren't we all becoming amateur sociologist as we search, scroll, post and click?

It's like you can detail every car or a certain portion of every car you see.  Every.  Single.  Freaking.  Car.  Which is insane.  And arguably, completely out of line in how we were meant to live out our lives.

Now, whether or not that online process results in a realistic (of course it does not) pursuit, nevertheless, the process is there for any and everyone who can run a browser to take part in.  We are literally now slaves to the data.

-------------------------

Everyone knows that detailing automobiles isn't normal human behavior because it's really hard work that takes an immense amount of scrutiny and patience to accomplish well.  Washing a car on the other hand, is normal behavior.  Especially if you have some help from your local automated car wash.  It's an 8 to 10 minute job compared to a 3 or 4 hour job.

To circle back to my friend's car and that summer detailing job I did for him, the impact that reality made on me (his neglect) also reflected back on me from the standpoint that this was my best friend.  Therefore, his neglect was categorized as "very personally recognizable", and therefore undeniable - in so many ways.  Subsequently, I felt ashamed and disappointed.  And not just at him, but at myself for not having been able to necessarily do more...either then or perhaps earlier on.  [Keep in mind that at this time of my life, I was quite the car aficionado.]

Now on the flip side of that internal adjudication, staying within that same "very personally recognizable" realm, I also could have felt similarly ashamed and disappointed in myself, but for a whole different set of reasons.  For instance, I may have then considered myself to have been none the smarter for actually "wasting my time" on keeping my own car in tiptop shape.

Do you see the undeniable influence there relative to both time / effort spent and who I'd dubbed "very personally recognizable"?

This influence points us back to what I wrote earlier on.  Here it is again:

But too (and to attempt to continue succinctly answering my first question), we're not necessarily individuals.  Instead, we're part of humanity.  Whatever that means (temperamental point of view / attitude towards fellow man) for each man at whatever point in time he happens to exist within.  Nothing can completely separate us from life, moving forward, on Earth - side by side amongst our neighbors, co-workers, family, and so forth digitally or otherwise.

-------------------------

The Internet, for me at least, can serve as a massive junkyard, but it's one where categorically the cars are organized expertly (thanks to search engines) alongside seemingly unlimited toolsets.  Toolsets which make for easy, almost instantaneous salvaging, study, and research.  I love that.

The problem is exacerbated though for guys like me.  Guys who simply can't get enough of cars.

But that's a sorry excuse.  I've bought into the lie (in more ways than one) that there's no way to actually resurrect the dead or at least a portion of yourself that once was (for worse) living, breathing tissue.  Therefore, I've thought for too long that playing it safe online doesn't really apply to me.  How arrogant I've become!

The Insecurity Antidote / Soul Rending

Matt's video below is an abbreviated version of a man's testimony (his own) that echoes my own, in many ways.  Take the time to listen.
I love what he says here about him recognizing that his faith could no longer be built on his shallow understanding of God, and subsequently, that it took suffering (no doubt suffering which even involved the church) for God to realign his understanding / secure himself faithfully to heaven - so to speak.

We look at Bible character after Bible character, and their stories are no different.  When God desires to work within the life of a man, he'll do the necessary work within to ready him for that said work.  And that's the antidote to insecurity.  Experiencing God's restoration / sanctification via his grace cannot be written off.  It is so personal.  So intimate.  So precise.

From then on, it's like your life is anchored to a concrete slab that's a mile deep.

"You Should See Some Of Those Kids [Samson Guys]." / "This Is Not What I Need."

Many years ago, a close friend at our church (Lakeside Pres) relayed he and his wife's rationale for choosing to put their two children in private academies versus public school here in Metro Jackson.  Due to his vocational proximity to our church's youth group (at the time & years prior), he'd adjudicated / averaged the caliber of public school student of his own accord.  From there, his kidlets were ushered off to both First Presbyterian Day School and then onto Jackson Preparatory School, never looking back.

Angie and I went to private academies as elementary / middle / high school students here in both the Jackson and Hattiesburg Metro, but our three girls do not.  Now, keep in mind that we did homeschool for kindergarten and 4th grade only (our oldest two daughters).

-------------------------

Mississippi is brimming with sexual sinners.  For all the potheads in California, we have the sex addicts / "lovemongers" here in Mississippi.  Mostly, this illicit behavior is fornication amongst the black population, but within the rural areas of our state, it's just as prevalent amongst whites.  Sex is the language of love, so to speak, in Mississippi.  Our motto here is, if you happen to be bored, go find someone to fuck.  And what fuels this is the vacuum of honest, thorough sexual education - across the board (from parents - emotional point of view, teachers - pragmatic point of view, church leaders - spiritual / Biblical point of view) - available to children / young adults here in the Magnolia state.

Fornication fosters pregnancy but especially amongst young adults due to how risk averse they are.  Pregnancy, amongst whites, fosters marriage (which are usually short lived).  And from there, the offspring are thrown into the emotional gutter as they watch their families - completely out of their control - fall apart due to divorce.  Children having to cope with not only the stressors of childhood but also the trauma of the emotional gutter many times end up with tremendous scars.  Those children, if they stay here in Mississippi, will eventually as adults, (thankfully) find themselves in an environment that's much easier than most (economically) to sustain oneself within.  But unfortunately, adults who were reared as children within broken homes are at a higher risk of also ending up introducing their children to the same toxicity.  Therefore, many times, it creates a viscous cycle of emotional gutter living - for Mississippians.

And just a quick side note here.  If you're dumb enough to not recognize that being reared within a broken home isn't equal to being thrown into an emotional gutter, just ask the children to honestly tell you of their experience and how they've had to cope in order to survive it.

Finally, Mississippi is the cheapest place to live within the US.  Everything here (relatively speaking) is cheap.  Therefore, it takes very little money to survive.  Plus, there are so many impoverished Mississippians (most of which are collecting Social Security Disability) that if you have a decent amount of intelligence as well as a GED, you can actually be (with some providential assistance) quite successful (again, relatively speaking).

-------------------------

Angie and I have three daughters, all from our sole 23 years of marriage (by God's grace).  Our oldest is a junior, middle a freshman, and youngest, a 4th grader.  All of these attend public schools, as I said earlier on.

Our daughters dialogue much about their relational travails with their Mississippi classmates at their respective schools.  Just this past week, our freshman relayed an interesting tale of how some of her missing clothes (out of her backpack during PE class) waltzed into school a few weeks later.  She was aghast to see one of her favorite T-shirts on a fellow 9th grader, and similarly, her gym shorts being modeled by another freshman.

The 4th grader too has tales to share.  Kids who bully by calling names or using profanity.

And too, there's the drug use, or at least what many of their fellow students objectify as such relative to their chosen identity within that regard.  Is it legit?  Who knows.  Acknowledging the fact that (most) teenagers do love to run their mouths.

-------------------------

One evening this past week, having tallied up most of these tales over the past 30 days, I sat the Turner girls down and explained the realities they're being asked to face by being students amongst all the other Mississippi students within Mississippi public schools.

Thankfully, they took both my commentary in stride as well as (once again), their situation(s).  In fact, they wouldn't have it any other way (as if they knew otherwise).

Now, how does this relate to Samson Society?

-------------------------

The biggest deterrent to buying into a Samson Society community is stigma, and in many ways, it's an adult version of the exact same stigma that motivates many a Mississippi parent to eschew public schooling (in Mississippi) for their children.

Often men walk into a meeting, and they adorn their haughty eyes.  Eyes of criticality.  Pride.  Arrogance.  And, it's all downhill from there.

Satan's greatest victory is deceiving a newbie into believing that Samson Society MUST BE ADJUDICATED AS A PLACE WHERE HE HIMSELF CAN BENEFIT EXCLUSIVELY.

And when said newbie determines / decides otherwise, he's out of there.  And this is because he's deceived into believing that it's all about his needs / his healing being met.  Exclusively.

-------------------------

Why do we send our children to public school?

For a number of reasons, one of which is to have them positively influence our beloved Mississippi - for the better.  And no, the Turner girls aren't perfect, but they are fully engaged yet reticent enough to endure whilst giving back / loving well - both their public school teachers and fellow students.

Do our three daughters come from picture perfect homes?  Of course not.  In order to prove that, simply read about their father (me), the author of this SS blog.  Though Angie and I have longevity on our side relative to our marriage, it's no less fragile / vulnerable to our propensity towards sin of every kind.

Public school is hard.  Samson Society is hard.  But both should be because real life is hard - particularly when we're faced with other Mississippian's shit head on.  But, that's okay.  God can and does work in and through those difficulties.

In closing, one sizable differentiator between participating within the Metro Jackson Samson Society and being a Mississippi public school student is there's no parental influence in the background to encourage / motivate you to stay committed.  Therefore, you must rely on God instead, remembering all the while that it's not just about you and where you happen to be at for such a time as this.

Recommended reading from The Gospel Coalition

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/fake-sex-technological-age/

Grateful For The Opportunity!

I so appreciate formal opportunities to present my thoughts on the Metro Jackson Samson Society.  Giving men just enough of my story to hopefully pique their interest enough to follow up, either soon thereafter or at some point down the road.  That's what it's all about, and what makes me super happy.

Most of the time, men don't darken the door of a Samson Society meeting 'till their world is crumbling, or they've had the fear of God put in them relative to the potential of that soon happening.

My next post will address this in more detail.  That being, how we're enslaved to our facades, first and foremost - refusing obstinately to admit to needing help / exposing our true self.

-------------------------

In summary, last night, I presented with my Silas in tandem at a Lakeside men's book study meeting.

I'm beaming today.

There is no personal weapon against Satan's influence / dominion over this world that is more effective / disrupting than your story of grace (whether it involves Samson Society or not).

Therefore, take advantage of opportunities to speak up!