Nobody Hangs Out Anymore: Tips to Have Fun With People Again (insider.com)
Thursday, March 9, 2023
Wednesday, March 8, 2023
Nondescript Samson Guy
The greatest gift I've yet to receive in Samson Society was given to me by Silas (1.0).
Before I make that reveal though, I need to indulge in letting you know that I too had a Silas (0.0). I don't mention him much here, but that friendship was pivotal in me embracing (quickly warming up to) relational accountability (Robspeak) as it's formally made available within Samson Society.
Silas (0.0) is dubbed as such because neither of us were privy to Samson Society during / throughout our close friendship (late '10 - early '12). Yet, we certainly - altruistically - experienced the benefits of a cross-pollination "Silas" relationship in spades. Therein, my brain was "wired for support" from that point forward, queued up beautifully for my eventual plunge into Mr. Nate Larkin's masterwork.
Silas (0.0) and I were very similar blokes relative to our overall outlook / disposition, and I believe this is what quickly solidified our relationship / trust in each other. Too, one of the most curious similarities had to do with what I'll call our masculinity quotients. For neither of us had much at all of that integral manly trait sans each / either of us taking risks (of any shape or form).
But enough about Silas (0.0).
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Silas (1.0) was a rockstar. And so was Silas (2.0) and even, at present (3.0).
In comparison to Rob, these men were kind enough to reach downward relationally to befriend me, but it was Silas (1.0) who demonstrated this firstly. Hence, this was such a gift.
I am a nondescript guy. Nondescript means invisible, for the most part. Yet, I'm not treated as such within Samson Society. And this truth has been most apparent relative to my Silases. For they have been and are men whom I look up to / aspire to be like.
Why is that important?
It provides me with the opportunity to see myself through their eyeballs. Even if it's an occasional glimpse when I'm indirectly affirmed or outright complimented.
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Earlier this week, I reached out to another Samson rockstar (a friend but not a Silas - to Rob - of any ilk) regarding a newly formed virtual Samson meeting ("Brain Changers") he's facilitating on Sunday afternoons / evenings.
This guy had been kind enough to - again, like his cohorts - reach downward and take the time to relay his story to me (at the tail end of last year).
As I was working out last night, I felt a bit of a spiritual pang regarding moving in the direction of that newly formed meeting. That pang intensified earlier this morning whilst remembering my choosing, years ago, to walk alongside a similar (local) Samson rockstar relative to supporting his newly formed (face-to-face) Samson Society meeting. And what a year of fun that was!
Both of these (face-to-face & newly formed virtual) Samson Society meetings are even on the same night / same time (almost)!
Perhaps through this change / commitment, I'll have the opportunity to see Rob with even more clarity. As such, variety truly is the spice of life.
Tuesday, March 7, 2023
Sucking Babies Into Sinks = Slicing Into Rob's Last Nerve
The first time I heard an involved in Christian men's ministry guy admit (to an audience) having impregnated a girlfriend, only then to have her abort his child, became for Rob - numero uno - revolting reveal.
And I believe it has much to do with me being a bastard child myself (who thankfully wasn't aborted).
But these fornication / mother aborting reveals aren't few and far between (within Christian men's ministry). Abortion happens. Often. And deep-seated regret ensues. As such, I tend to just get more and more disgusted / outraged with it. For I consider the practice of abortion to be shockingly barbaric.
Hence, I've come to realize this is one thing I absolutely DO NOT agree should be shared outside of a professional counseling session (where secrecy is "guaranteed"). I just don't want to be exposed to that level of darkness.
And I realize, for some of you, befriending repentant pedophiles is in and of itself the ultimate revulsion. I get / respect that. Nonetheless, from my point of view, murdering children from inside a mother's womb in no way equates.
All that being said, I can't control what Samson guys (or any guy) choose to reveal about themselves or their stories. Hence, I at times find myself between a rock and a hard place with a knee jerk reaction that proportionally offends (Rob the asshole).
Abortion is pervasive yet polarizing. I just don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do with that portion of a guy's story whilst buckling under the emotional weight of said reveal.
In closing, I feel singled out by this. And this also disturbs me that much further. I wonder if there're others out there who feel this topic should only be shared with pastors / counselors / therapists.
Let me be clear: I'm abhorrent to the notion of divulging abortions to anyone but someone who's specifically trained to receive it, therefore if this is either directly or indirectly tied to your story, please don't share it with Rob. I'm not your man. We can dialogue about anything else that you feel so moved to share. Just not that.
"Toxic Desires" - JR Everhart
I can remember thinking to myself, not long after coming out of my first divorce in my early 30’s, that if I could just find a woman that would fulfill all my lustful desires, I’d be happy and never struggle with porn again. My advice in hindsight: Be careful what you internally rationalize. In the end, I wasn't successful in finding just one woman like that, I found dozens of women in that regard - all throughout my 30’s!
Let me explain.
I was playing in a very successful rock band during those years (enough said), and as a result, had no issue finding women that would do anything I asked them to do, anywhere I ask them to do it. It was a sexual dream come true! As a result, whilst looking back, I ask of my younger self: How could I not be 110% satisfied and free of any desire to be unfaithful or look at porn? I’m not going to lie. There was a ton of fun in it all for a season. But when the dust settled, and I had climbed every sexual mountain top I could imagine, I was left empty and alone. Complete satisfaction still seemed just one step away, but every time I’d take that additional step, I'd still feel as if didn’t no-holds-barred scratch the itch of desire for such a time as that.
Out of this grew my self-loathing in tandem with the dark carnival of chaos that was / is sexual addiction.
In the end, nothing COMPLETELY satisfied!
Outside of my sex life, I was becoming bitter and poisoning to be around. When you treat yourself like a soulless animal that's only driven by your carnal nature, it turns you into a soulless animal. You become instinctual and as a result, subconsciously drag everyone around you into the same pit of unhappiness that has now become your life. I will never forget having my eyes opened to all this and how it took me even deeper into despair.
Lust is never satisfied. It’s a simple fact. For it burns inside of a man’s heart at a thermal nuclear level. The only thing that's ever quenched those flames within in my life has been the cool waters of God's Grace and mercy. I realize now that no matter how much sex I have in my life, I will never be satisfied. Based on my experience, once you come to terms with this, you can start unraveling the personal chaos and insanity that you find yourself within. I had to learn to live - in the face of my flesh - constantly crying out for satisfaction whilst refusing to be triggered. I’m still sorting through all that within my life but I’m miles ahead of where I was ten years ago when I started this uncomfortable journey. It’s about progress, not perfection. And I do have much measurable progress to rest within. And I’m thankful for that even in the face of my failures.
In closing, Jesus still invites me to sit and converse with him, and I’ve become settled to the fact that this wrestling against toxic desire is only temporary. As such, thanks be to God, it is a suffering that's as close to hell as I will ever experience. And for that I’m eternally thankful. To God be all glory, honor, and praise!
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