Sledge was his Internet pseudonym. It didn't take but just a few days before he divulged his real name, Scott, to me. Scott was a mover & shaker. Brilliant, creative, funny and full of hope and joy. And what made our friendship truly unique was his nationality. Scott was Australian, having lived in Brisbane all of his life.
We became fast friends thanks to "Yahoo! Groups" back around 2008. I'd posted a couple of sentences within a group dubbed G0YS or somesuch, and my post clearly stated my intentionality towards making a friend who could relate to my situation.
Within 24 hours, he responded. We were the same age, evangelical Christians, both same-sex attracted & married to wonderful women with multiple young children.
And though Scott was living (& had been for some time) a double-life (his wife wasn't privy to his sexuality), he found in Rob someone who was living proof that there was another way.
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Yet, I wasn't cognizant of any of this. I'd made that post in desperation. Having never met another man who shared my story, here in Mississippi or otherwise, I was fast approaching making some very poor choices / compromises relative to the faithfulness I'd owned up to via my (then) 11-year-old marriage vows.
Meeting Scott was like a dream come true. I walked on air for months afterwards, and before long, he was telling me he loved me at the end of each phone call / email.
I'd never had another man speak those words to me.
It was surreal, and it meant so much for such a time as that.
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My friendship with Scott soon propelled me to open up about my sexuality with local men. Namely men within the pastorate. And surprisingly, it was well received. "In-person" friendships developed overnight, and from there, I found myself well positioned to truly begin discussing / writing about my issue with gay porn. This was a critical step for Rob that I believe fell directly in line with God's will.
All the while, Scott and I began growing apart, and much of it had to do with his unwillingness to open up to local Aussies regarding his sexuality. I believe too, whilst looking back, that he absolutely (still) enjoyed chronicling his digital travails (online) searching for (illicit) "fun" in the form of "Sledge".
It's important to know too that Scott wasn't completely opposed to normalizing same-sex relationships that involved physical intimacy whereas I disagreed wholeheartedly therein. His position was founded in both sympathies combined with a very liberal / libertarian view of society at large.
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The day that I told Scott (via email) that I was needing a sabbatical from our friendship, he replied - at length - almost immediately. It was such the beautiful sendoff that was full of tremendous grace. From there, I deleted every digital exchange we'd made and moved forward with a thankful heart.
I knew one year sans communication between us would pulverize our relationship, but I was willing to go forward with that knowing that I had become his crutch more than anything else.
It had quickly become apparent to me that one-on-one friendships like the one I had developed with Scott grow surprisingly fast but can also develop their own kind of implied loneliness due to their pseudo co-dependency therein.
After our formal decoupling, my friendships with local men continued to expand / thrive. In fact, I found my first "Silas" just one year or so later. And that relationship sprung forth from both of our individual desires for sanctification (primarily from compulsive sexual sin).
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Fast forward sixteen years to today.
This past January an Aussie appeared within one of the Zoom thumbnails during just another "Brain Changers" Samson Society meeting. And wouldn't you know it, but he too was - no doubt - a mover & shaker. Brilliant, creative, funny and full of hope and joy.
Sound familiar?
This time though, my new Aussie friend is from Perth. I remembered Perth because Scott's best friend lived there (she was an architect).
What's comforting to me regarding this new platonic opportunity is how much I distinctly remember learning from my long, long-distance friendship with Scott all those years ago. As such, I have to wonder, what's God got in store for me now, taking my newfound friend into consideration?
There's something magical about befriending someone from Australia. I mean, it's just cool. But especially so seeing the similarities between the past and the present.
I'm hopeful this one outlasts what Scott and I so enjoyed for those +/-18 months. I'm thinking there's a good chance it will, taking into consideration the baked in Samson community that surrounds us both, combined with the relational seasoning that's occurred within me, in large part due to my involvement within Samson Society.
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