Neuroticism is defined by a propensity toward anxiety, negativity, and self-doubt. It is often experienced by constantly rehashing worst–case scenarios in your head, and it can be linked to a high level of guilt, worry, fear, and depression.
This just described my entire life! The problem is I have no idea how to decouple myself from these overpowering thought patterns that are keeping me stuck in neutral - unable to move forward with my life. Every time I reenter into the dating scene, I end up over thinking everything, thereby ruining any chance of the relationship growing forward. When I realize this, I end up breaking it off prior to my significant other having a chance to see (up close) how messed up I truly am (and as a result, breaking up with me). And yes, I know there’re layers of dysfunction within that - as described - self-defeating cycle.
Fear is such a huge part of all this.
In all honesty, I’m terrified that if I advance forward emotionally with someone that it will close the door on any chance of me reconciling with my ex-wife. I still love her very much, and I’m heartbroken over our divorce - even after 3 years. I’ve tried to reach out to her countless times, yet she hasn’t said a word to me in three years. Not even a fuck you, or go to hell, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Therefore, I was left high & dry without any real closure. Hence, I try to move forward, desiring the connection and commitment of a woman, but every time I start dating someone I morph into a discombobulated mess and screw everything up. From there, the fall out is so taxing on me emotionally. It just makes me want to never date again. That lasts about as long as the next female prospect knocking on my inbox.
Rereading that last paragraph summarizes the emotional roller coaster that has been my recently lived life. Out - of - emotional - control. The sad thing is, I know I just need to relax, cut myself some slack, and stop over thinking everything. But that’s easier said than done. I’ll be 51 next month. As such, I'm finding myself knee deep in what feels like a mid-life crisis promulgated by all this. Honestly, I'm often dealing with intrusive thoughts like, “I’m quickly getting to old, fat, and gross to actually connect with a woman I’d actually want to build something with. I guess I’ll just have to settle for someone as old, fat, and gross as myself…” As you might imagine, this and spirals into the emotional abyss of madness almost instantaneously. Other intrusive doubts manifest themselves as, “Perhaps I’ll die alone; having settled into my recliner whilst watching Star Wars movies. In the end, no one will have found me for weeks…” This is insane thinking! (Though it’s hilarious to read.)
This is neurotic thinking at its finest.
So where is there hope in all this? TRUST GOD!
It’s the only advice that has any merit to it. At the foundation of neurotic behavior is a lack of trust that God‘s gonna do anything to bless your unworkably difficult situation. Why do we refuse to trust? Perhaps it's due to the fact that we’ve asked God to jump through our hoops this way or that way, and yet he's been unmoved as to his own will. The enemy can use this as artillery to destroy our faith. Neurotic behavior is lubricated by a madcap demand of wanting control when in actuality, it’s a lack of having control over the future that drives us nuts. We want answers, and ultimately, I want love without any risks whatsoever. In essence, I desire (my version of) the perfect woman. A woman that understands and accepts all my craziness within the first 20 minutes of dialogue. I don’t want to wait for anything. I want instant gratification! I feel as if I deserve that by justifiable asking the following, "Haven’t I suffered enough in this world, beaten and abused, heartbroken and alone? Are you paying attention God? Don’t you see how good of a person I am, and how much I deserve to be treated differently than everyone else? Shouldn’t I be allowed to live by a more lenient set of rules than everyone else due to my suffering, abuse, and trauma? And on, and on, and on, the spiral goes. W hen I get like this, I’m reminded of how much I sound like Job. Suffering brings out the the worst in us sometimes, and when life isn’t working as we see fit, then we tend to push God out of the driver's seat like an angry teenager who thinks he knows more about driving at 16-years-old than his father does. Again, this lack of faith is where the neurotic thinking tends to take root.
Simply trusting our Heavenly Father to comfort and heal us is the only way off the rollercoaster! I’ve reconciled myself to this truth a thousand times, but yet I still find myself drifting toward insanity (if I even look at the driver's seat).
Unconditionally / helplessly surrendering these unhealthy thought patterns is the only pathway to peace.
As humans, we are so ill equipped to be able to handle the trauma and the disappointment of this world. It’s only through our relationship with Jesus Christ that we can find any longstanding fulfillment, comfort, and peace. The book of Ecclesiastes is all about that very truth! When reading it, one can easily relate to the neurotic thinking Solomon, yet all the while, he was constructing an argument for unconditional surrender to God coupled with healthy connection with supportive friends. Honestly men, that’s all any of us really have in this world. Everything else is meaningless…
Lagniappe
