I just had the most vivid dream of an old farmhouse. The dream ended in the most intimate conversation with God I’ve had in a very long time. I speak to God daily (pray), but haven’t felt his presence like this in a while. It was like he was sitting next to me, and we were talking back and forth like old friends. I was full of questions, and he was full of answers.
In my dream, I was running around this old house trying to escape the trauma I had experienced inside. At times the house was on fire, and I was trying to escape the flames or put out the fire (I had the distinct impression it was the only home I had). In spite of all the horrors and tragedy that it represented; it was my home. Hence, I felt certain that I simply needed to remodel it / fix this or that. But it seemed like the more I tried to "put out the fires" and find some kind of peace, in turn, the more I would find people hiding in the dark corners of the house that had hurt or even victimized me in some way. This then involved me having to fight to get free of them, thereby once again feeling all the emotional trauma that I experienced because of these people. I even found myself crying in my sleep whilst dreaming all this. When I awoke my face was wet. This was a hugely emotional experience for me!
At times inside this dream, I would escape outside and run around the property. I was constantly scanning the house for the next fire to put out or intruder to face and evict. As such, all of this was so exhausting, leaving me with the impression that I was only just barely surviving at all. Therefore, I concluded that I couldn’t keep up with this pace much longer. I finally surrendered by running into the center of this house where the living room was, falling to my knees before God. From there, I transferred to him all of my stress by saying, “Do what you will with this old house, I don’t care anymore…burn it down if you have to…”
At this point God started to speak to me. His response was, "This old house has been your life. It’s filled with a multitude of horrors, moreso than most men have to endure. That being abuse, heartbreak, trauma, disappointment, failure, and your own dysfunction and bad choices. You could have spent the remaining days of your life within the exhausting battle of putting out fires and fighting the shame of it all, but instead, you invited me into your home many years ago and together we have slowly rebuilt a peaceful residency. Here again, just now, it’s me that you’ve run to for help and restoration. I will always answer your cry for help. Your faith in my presence within your home warms my heart. To see my children so convinced that I am good and ready to help them makes me glad.”
At this point I asked God a series of personal questions about my life. He answered everyone, and please know that some of those answers were not easy to hear. But knowing them as truth brought resolution to my soul. It was amazing that even when he was divulging hard truth(s), there were no negative overtones. Instead, his voice was gentle and full of love. You should know though that I truly wanted to hear different answers about certain things, especially regarding my love life. Nonetheless, his truths were easy to hear and accept because everything he said was merely truth in love. There was no accusing nor condemning me. Also, there was nothing stern about his words, and he never mentioned my sin issues or struggles that I’m usually so focused on. It was just a quiet conversation with my Heavenly Father. A Heavenly Father who loves me and only wishes the best for my life. Therefore, this dream / experience has truly confirmed my views about his character and my mental image of him as the perfect emotionally available father. I'm so thankful for him. He was so quick to answer all my questions. No doubt, a loving father wouldn’t withhold information I desperately need to live out a full life.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the more I choose to believe in my Heavenly Father's goodness and gentle loving character, the closer I am to him. He speaks volumes through his word, therefore I love the Bible. I always have. But this experience was a next-level-connection that is hard to explain. I felt for just an instant the very culture of heaven. The accuser was not present, and I was surrounded by love and comfort.
This was a very real experience for me, and I'm hopeful it will resonant within my spirit and in my life for many years to come. Thank you, Lord for being so available to my cause! It’s amazing how much he shows up in my life when I just choose to believe. I'm convinced now that that’s the real fight of faith. Looking past the accuser's lie - that God doesn’t want to be close to such a failure as we are. When, in actuality, he greatly desires to be right in the middle of it all, pulling out purpose from all our problems.
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