I Dream Of Sodomy

Dreams can really throw a person for a loop.  At least during the entire day(s) following.

Over the past two Saturdays, I've taken each of my oldest two daughters out individually for a run / bike ride.  There's a nature trail about 1.5 miles from our abode, and oftentimes, we make the 1/2 mile loop there too once we arrive.  At the front of the trail is a quiet, spacious pavilion.  It's a perfect spot for a private chat.

It was amazing to me how much more my 16 year-old knew of sex education than my 14 year-old.  For this was my ulterior motive in taking them out with me.  As most of you know, I could talk about sex all day.  It truly is my most favorite topic.  And spending one on one time with my whiny teenagers sans my favorite subject simply wasn't going to happen - at least on these two particular Saturdays.

Both of my girls were shocked at hearing about sodomy.  Just the whole notion of someone being sexual with their anus / rectum freaked them out.  And I suppose this was to be expected due to their being females who're obviously cognizant of what a vagina is designed for.  Therefore, why would you ever think to insert / consider inserting something into someone's butt?

Gross.  This was both of their consensus.

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I sometimes dream about working once again within the field of architecture or being back in architecture school.  These are the kind of dreams that I wake up from and am so grateful they're only dreams and not reality.  But, I must admit they're still somewhat distressing to me due to the fact that the negative emotions they convey / stir up inside of me are very, very intense.  And these are emotional responses that are occurring while I sleep!  Sleeping is supposed to be an emotional respite, is it not?  Perhaps, but not whilst dreaming.

So just a few nights ago, I dreamt that I was sodomizing someone.  I have no idea whom, but man, it was intensely pleasurable within my dream.

And then I woke up and felt as if I'd been harassed by my mind.  For you see, the night before I'd spent close to an hour petitioning the Lakeside Presbyterian Church's missions committee to add Samson House to the church's annual missions giving budget.  Therefore, I felt quite vulnerable and exhausted already, and certainly from there wasn't expecting to wake up from this!

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Many years ago, I attended a State Board of Architecture continuing education class at The Old Capitol Museum in downtown Jackson.  The museum had been recently renovated throughout with some super deluxe, taxpayer-funded interior finishes.  For instance, the bathrooms were gleaming with polished white marble walls / floors.  I remember using the restroom during a break and being shocked to see via the highly reflective polished marble flooring what was happening within the adjacent handicap stall.  And in return, I was equally as creeped out over the fact that everyone else could see me as well!  Stupid architect.

I believe dreams are like this.  The mind, via dreams, provides us with an opportunity to almost step into another reality through this weirdly explicit sensory experience that opens up on its own.  And oftentimes these dreams leave us shocked after the fact because they serve to interrupt our mental routine / thought life.

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In the past, a friend of mine found himself entangled emotionally with a very attractive co-worker and like so many of these relationships, it had matured rapidly over time into something that was much bigger and more distracting than he'd imagined it ever becoming.  He recalled to me vivid sexually explicit dreams he was having that involved her, and this disturbed him greatly as my friend was married with children with no intentions of leaving his family for this pagan woman.

Thankfully, it was these dreams that, I believe, served to shock him enough to realize just what essentially might become were he to continue forward.  Therefore, over time, he throttled back on his investment in the relationship 'till it collapsed entirely due to neglect.

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As you know, my sexuality leans towards homosexual and always has.  Though I've never been physical with anyone other than my wife, I've certainly entertained countless hours of homosexual fantasies within my mind's eye - particularly as a younger man.  So as you might imagine, intense sodomy dreams absolutely put me back into that wretched bathroom stall, leaving me feeling exposed and very, very deviant.

In closing, I've often wondered if some dreams are simply construed within our heads to harass and humiliate us.  Satan is described Biblically as the accuser, constantly throwing our sin / shame back into our faces in order to usher us towards a defeated state.  And man, is he ever adept at doing just that.  How much influence, I wonder, might he have over our subconscious mind while we sleep?

Here's to a good night's sleep tonight.