Stupid Pleasure Purchases

Stupid is a verb.  It's a decision that's soon to determined as a mistake.  Rob has done plenty of stupid.

As a boy / young man, I gravitated towards identifying myself via my belongings.  I believe this took root in me being an only child even moreso since I had no siblings to speak of (or speak to).  For "only children" have no one within the household to look to (especially older) relative to what exactly a "family's child" is supposed to look like.  So, you end up winging it, and if you're not given much, if any, instruction(s) otherwise via mom and dad, consumerism can take root (here in our western culture).  At least it did for me.

During one particular summer, in between my sophomore and junior years of college, I worked for a local architect here in Jackson.  The year was 1992, and this sole proprietor (& his wife) were doing quite well designing million dollar + homes throughout the southeast.  I didn't necessarily have an interest in residential architecture, but I saw an opportunity to work there come to fruition and I seized upon it.

This couple had an only son who was 5 to 6 years younger than I, and this was one of the first times I'd witnessed (at this point in my life) what that familial paradigm looked like - from the outside looking in.  Their son was in high school but without a driver's license, therefore at times I'd be tasked with ferrying him from place to place around metro Jackson as he was out of private school for summer break.  Therefore, I was able to observe him closely during these occasions.  It was both interesting and humbling taking note of a boy who was also an only.  There were obvious similarities - many of which I certainly didn't want to acknowledge at the time, and thankfully some distinct differences.  Overall, I pitied him, and now that I think back on it, I imagine a number of folks pitied me as well as an only at that age.

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I became a Christian at age 12.  I understood my depravity on a conceptual level, but my identity as a young man was really, really, REALLY negative.  And now that I think about it, I believe the younger man I mentioned above had to have been facing the same negativity.  That too seemed to lump us together somehow despite our age differences.

When you find little value in yourself, at least for me, consumerism can look like an easy fix due to the fact that stuff can seem to serve to decoy others into thinking you're something (as defined by the consumable).  At least, that's the hook I bought into (literally).

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Here, dear reader, is a list (in chronological order) of some of my stupid pleasure purchases, for your reading enjoyment (& yes, I purchased these with my own $$$): 

1.  Omnibot (retailer - Service Merchandise) - $200

In 1985, I was close to middle school and absolutely enthralled with the Service Merchandise catalog that sat - typically - undisturbed within the wooden periodicals rack adjacent to my father's mouse fur upholstered La-Z-Boy recliner.  The electronic toys section was what I gravitated towards within this sacred, telephone directory-sized tome, and it was there that I found my beloved $199.99 Omnibot.

It's unbelievable to me that there's a Wikipedia page in honor of this overpriced gimmick, but whatever.  I'm so ashamed to admit to having purchased this dust collecting, plastic "conversation piece", but thankfully, years later, I sold it online to a similarly gullible boy somewhere in the northeast.

2.   Honda Elite (retailer - North Jackson Honda / Yamaha) - $1,000

One of my best friends in high school won (via a sweepstakes contest at Record Bar) a Suzuki motor scooter.  She was already the coolest teenager I'd ever engaged with, but now, with this awesome scooter (motor-bike), she was off-the-charts cool.

In response, I decided to one-up her by not only purchasing my own motor scooter, but one very black Honda Elite.  And this in turn, gave me the ability to ride around Madison county at no more than 38 mph.  Yes, I said Madison county which is where I lived with Bob & Darlene.  Again, at no more than 38 mph.  It wasn't like I even had access to urban space upon which to ride my glorious black Honda.  I vividly remember riding the back-country roads whilst looking like an idiot and constantly praying for a strong gust of wind to speed me along.  Sometimes, if I was fortunate, I'd accelerate up to 41 mph if the downhill slope was steep enough.  I eventually got to the point where I'd only ride at night.

The icing on the cake though, relative to this free enterprise faux pas, was my purchase of a factory-grade, hideously ugly, iridescent electric-blue cover for the bike.  It screamed "QUEER" louder than anything ever made since despite the emblazoned HONDA logo.  I mean, it literally broke the mold back in 1989 / 1990.  What was I thinking?

My, how envy can ruin your life (& what little reputation you may have). 

3.  55 gallon acrylic corner aquarium (retailer - Petsmart) - $300

I'm ashamed to admit that I was newly married when this was purchased.  Angie and I were residing in an apartment in Ridgeland at the time.  The year was likely 1997, and I decided to purchase this as a birthday present to myself.  Not only did I have no knowledge / interest in fish, but we likely were breaking our lease agreement by having it within our 2nd floor flat.

I'll not soon forget the twice monthly cleaning ritual as I was determined to keep the water crystal clear.  What a huge, glaring mistake, which was impossible to ignore, as we sat in our apartment dining room staring at this chintzy, glowing, never-ending maintenance nightmare.

4.  Coffee table gay erotica book (retailer:  Amazon) - $40

I'm so sorry to have to admit this here.  Please pray for me and my wife.

Every time I snuck a peek of Freeman's black & white book, I was more concerned about the second coming of Christ - at that very moment - then the beauty and sensuality of the glossy photos.  What was I thinking?

5.  Aussiebum swim trunks (retailer:  Aussiebum) - $60

I actually wore these a handful of times to the pool.  Looking back, it's hard not to laugh.  I never imagined swimwear being so uncomfortable and hard to put on, and no, I didn't buy the available codpiece.  I'm now convinced that Aussiebum models have much smaller pelvises than the average man.

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In closing, as Christians, there's no excuse for not staying focused on your identity in Christ.  And for me, If I'm not taking stock (consistently acknowledging) of my sin nature via a support network like Samson Society, I'm eventually going to lose sight of my need for a Savior.  It's inevitable.  Considering that truth, Samson Society is a brotherhood which is awesomely wonderful for an only like myself.  Too, if you / I simply must "invest" in something for your / my own sake (pleasure), why not invest in the very thing that's always working on your behalf to keep you properly humbled as a man?  You can do so by going here.

Thanks for flattering me dear reader by reading.