I truly enjoy hosting a newcomers' meeting on Saturday mornings. To initially hear these men's stories and how they came to take their first steps into our community is such the privilege. As such, I feel so moved to offer them specifically some advice going forward.
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My oldest daughter is in relationship crisis. And it's with her first romantic relationship. At the same time, her best friend since high school is (for all intents & purposes) getting engaged (to be married) today (they're the same age, both seniors in college).
Crisis in my daughter has bred a distinct maturation towards her faith in tandem with some unexpected reaching out to her parents for advice / solace. And just so you know, my daughter's romantic relationship crisis is forcing her to face her longstanding discounting of (me) her father's lifelong issues. Hence, it's made for an interesting twist.
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Crisis is the ideal place a Samson newcomer finds himself. In tandem with that, are usually others (spouse, girlfriend, friends, parents) the newfound Samson brother loves / cares for. My advice - embrace it and use it to motivate.
From there, attend meetings in order to learn about your brothers' stories. Listen intently. Learn / be inspired / challenged by them. Never see them as less than yourself. And absolutely never, ever see yourself as anything other than their equal (even if they choose to elevate you to some degree or another). Besides offering a listening ear, actively pray for them and the details surrounding their lives. Ultimately, get as involved in their lives as you feel will benefit both you and them in accordance with The Path. This involvement will run counter to the destructive patterns that brought you into crisis.
As quickly as possible, establish guardrails on your access to whatever it is that you're in bondage to. If it's salacious digital content, drugs / alcohol, utilize proven approaches (some of which will cost $$$ / feel isolating) to protect your crisis self from fallbacks. In kind, lean into your Samson brothers for support therein.
Let go of wanting to feel / present yourself to the world as "normal".
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Find men - all manner of men - you're platonically attracted to within Samson Society and pursue them as friends / brothers in Christ. Allow that love for them / received by them to heal your heart over time (as God works in and through them).
How exactly to see this through?
Make yourself vulnerable by divulging your feelings / needs regarding yourself and towards them specifically. Share openly about where you're at in your recovery. It will foster / encourage an exchange that may very well serve as foundational fodder for deeper and deeper friendship.
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Each of my five years of (MSU) architecture school saw my particular class saddled with designing some semblance of a museum. I have to believe that our professors simply refused to coordinate our studies semester-to-semester, year-to-year therefore museum projects were unfortunately doled out on repeat (culminating in our 4th year competition project being a new state of MS art museum sited in downtown Jackson).
As such, by the end of my five-year architecture school career, I had a tremendous amount of confidence therein with that project type (as well as a whole lotta repetitive disinterest).
2-3 years into my actual career, I was given the opportunity to design a library. And then another. And another. The process became easier as time went on as the repetition (& mastery) set in. But I never grew (as) tired of that building type. Why? Because these were actual built projects.
Eventually, most projects did grow somewhat repetitive as the process itself never changed in spite of the shift away from drawing to computer modeling (BIM).
From there, I began administrating (though no longer designing) to-be-built projects all across the state exclusively (via my position at the state of MS). And I loved this work.
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The stakes are no doubt higher when you're designing projects that will be constructed / change / add to the built environment. It's like moving from fantasy to reality via your relationships. Sound familiar?
For me, within my recovery journey, Samson Society presented an opportunity to engage in reality / with real men and their stories, but doing so within a controlled environment that's conducive to fostering brotherhood. Those men, over the past decade, are too many to count. For each is equally an asset within my journey (each representing a steppingstone, if you will).
Today, I host a newcomer meeting as somewhat an administrator, if you will, though not in the least as an overseer / direct report. For as we all know, there's none of that in Samson Society (which keeps it from playing out like a religious / recovery cult).
The journey, for me, within this ministry has some resemblance to my career as an architect. I've only begun to see that.
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In closing, engage with this community to meet your needs (serving yourself well) within your individual recovery. As such, you will find that disappointments and frustrations (& you will no doubt run headlong into these) are greatly minimized simply due to how closely you're focused on your day-to-day journey.
