"The No Bull Briefing" - June 2023 Samson Society Newsletter

 

THE NO BULL BRIEFING - June 2023

Join Us for a Texas-Sized Party! In honor of our tenth national retreat, Samson is throwing a party! Join us the first weekend in November for our annual retreat, featuring The Place We Find Ourselves podcast host Adam Young. When: November 3-5, 2023 Where: Sky Ranch in Van, Texas Bunkhouse spots are $350 Group Discount available! Bring 4 guys who have never attended a Samson retreat and receive 50% off your registration fee. Bring 8 and come for free! When you share about the summit to friends, be sure to tell them to list your name on the registration form under the field "I'm coming to the summit with." We will take care of the rest. REGISTER July 5 is Silas Appreciation Day  Give your Silas a shout out, a giftcard to their favorite store (Starbucks, Home Depot, Amazon, etc.), a special something from the Samson Swag Store, or just a personal "thank you" call to let him know how much you appreciate him being your traveling companion. Don't have a Silas? The best way we have found is to start attending meetings, then commit to the same meeting each week to develop relationships with the men there. Find a guy who you seem to connect with in that same weekly meeting and ask him to be your Silas. Aaron Visits The Addicted Mind Podcast In a world that often feels dark and heavy, Aaron reminds us of the importance of love, fun, and understanding the “person and work of Christ” in Christianity. They discuss the need to balance work and self-reflection with joy and play, and how slowing down can help us cultivate a deeper sense of self. Aaron also shares his thoughts on the power of language in shaping our identity, as well as the usefulness of tools like the Enneagram in understanding our natural tendencies. Don’t miss this engaging and insightful conversation with Aaron Porter, co-host of the Pirate Monk podcast. LISTEN Virtual Meeting Host Informational Meeting If you host a virtual Samson Society meeting, we highly encourage you to join us Tuesday, July 25 at 7 PM ET for an important informational meeting to discuss updates and steps to validate your meeting as an official Samson Society meeting. The meeting will be recorded for those who are unable to attend since vital information will be shared. REGISTER Slot Car God By Jaimie When I was little I had a slot car track. If you don’t know what that is, it was a plastic race track you put together piece by piece. It had two lanes on each piece that snapped together forming a raceway to battle an opponent head to head. One of the things I really enjoyed about this was configuring the track. If you had more than the base set you could come up with some fairly unique tracks to traverse your little electric cars through. As long as the track was all connected it would function correctly because this completed the circuit…no pun intended. Once the track was installed you would plug it into an outlet for power, connect a controller that regulated the electricity that pushed the little car that sat on the metal strips. These metal strips served two purposes, one providing electricity to power the tiny engine inside the car and two they were magnetic so they held the car on the track…in theory. My brother and I would race these cars for hours sometimes. We would try to find the sweet spot on the controller where we were providing enough power to propel the car, but not too much because that would make the car fly off the track. Truthfully, there were times we would see how far off the track the cars would go too, sometimes causing them to break. I had an epiphany recently while talking with some guys. I said that I used to view God as a cosmic being waiting for me to fly off the track like that little car. He was there waiting to tell me what I did wrong and how to get back in line, aka back on track. The reality is that He was and is the electricity in the track and I can either take the controller and try to do it myself to regulate the power or I can hand him the controller to guide my life through the twists and turns on the track in His perfect way. Not just to win the race, but also to enjoy the experiences along the way. You see I found as much joy and satisfaction in repairing a crashed car successfully as I did in racing them and beating my brother or dad was just an added bonus the few times it happened.  Trust the Heavenly Father completely to provide the power necessary to stay on track. He’s not waiting for you to fail, He’s waiting for you to give Him control so you can succeed and maybe even beat the course record. Now when I think about or do fall off the track I see God picking me up examining me for anything broken and  lovingly placing me back on the track to continue the race. Subscribe to Samson House Beginning on June 1, 2023, Samson House will be offering a low-cost subscription to all members of the Samson Society. This subscription is not mandatory. As you know, there are no dues or fees for Samson Society membership. Samson meetings — online meetings as well as local ones  —  will always be free. However, resources and services that up until now Samson House has made available at samsonsociety.com will be moved to a subscribers-only Samson House website, along with new resources. We are asking ALL current members to subscribe to SamsonHouse.org (use password NoBullBrotherhood to access this website) at the modest monthly rate of $7.95. We will be grateful if you can commit more, of course, and whatever you contribute above the small monthly subscription amount will be fully tax-deductible. JOIN SAMSON HOUSE Regional Retreat Opportunities Planning a regional Samson retreat? Let us know at samsonhouseoffice@gmail.com or drop it on the #upcoming_event channel on Slack so we can help you spread the word! Come enjoy the community, honesty and vulnerability of sharing your story with other Samson brothers who are looking to connect and heal. The cost for this retreat is $425. This price includes lodging for three nights, excellent food and beverages, training materials, an opportunity to hear other men’s stories, as well engage your own story in a safe and attuned way. For more information, contact Chris Inman at chris@np-recovery.com REGISTER LEARN MORE Monthly Resource Corner Each month, Samson Society will promote a resource that you may find helpful on your journey. Feel free to share any podcast episodes, blog posts, books, or documentaries that you find enlightening!  Fight Pornography As a Healing Church The Church has a choice. It can ignore the problems of pornography because they are too unseemly. It can chastise, rebuke, and cast out, which sends more people into hiding. Or it can lead people through a grace-filled process to the foot of the cross, where strongholds are crushed and where stronger servants arise.  The Healing Church, written by Samson member Sam Black, cuts through the confusion.  Discern how porn undermines ministry in your church. Understand how porn affects men and women differently and how to help them.      Discover how generations of Christians are becoming more comfortable with porn.      Learn why sex isn’t the real problem in pornography. Find out how to effectively deal with pornography while spending less time counseling.  LEARN MORE Connect with us on social media! DONATE

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My Very Personal, Explicit Spring 2023 Creative Writing Sabbatical - Rob's Dysregulation Remedy

A Samson brother introduced me to (in early 2022) the concept of brain dysregulation whilst regularly attending (well over one year) a very well-attended virtual Samson meeting with him alongside.  This brain dysregulation idea centers around the brain becoming asymmetrical (imbalanced).  As such, the side that's out of sync needs some serious attention.  Having little use for this idea then, I paid it little attention, until...

For Rob, my eventual dysregulation occurred on the right side of my grey matter earlier this year.  Hence, I felt a deep-seated need to dream / fantasize / escape reality.  My easy access go-to therein to satiate these needs for such a lopsided brain would normally have been porn / salacious imagery.

Around mid-March, another Samson brother asked to share a dictated (voice memo app) "fantasy story" he'd written which centered around he and his spouse (who at the time was emotionally distant due to his recent difficult confessions) and her responsiveness to his sexual needs.  

This explicit creative writing exercise fleshed out his then desires for her and his marriage in spite of its / their current desecrated state.  As a result of reading this, I became incredibly inspired, and not only via the captivating story itself but the ongoing healing result (right brain flexure).

Hence, I began my own creative writing spree (in lieu of writing posts here).  This explains my absence.

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Three stories were generated as a result.  The first's plot focused on a private, paranormal relationship between my uncle and I when I was between the ages of 12-15; it centered heavily on this 20+ year older man and his positive masculine influence as a result of said relationship.  And though the story involved sexual overtones, it was by no means written to titillate.  Instead, from the perspective of a young teen boy (based on my recollected childhood), it put words / thoughts on the page addressing then private shame related to very typical adolescent / pubescent angst.  This tale was written in five distinct chapters. 

The second story was simple and fast.  It fleshed out a fictional friendship between myself and a young man who I've only known at a distance over the past few years.  

The third story ended up being my opus.  This one had thirteen distinct chapters with a heady epilogue.  I'm still coming off of the high that resulted from this distinct, very personal tale being generated.

In essence, it involved me being befriended by a Christian college student (graduate school) during my senior year in high school.  This older man I barely knew from my teenage years (working at Chick-A-Fil).  No doubt, I had deep admiration for / attraction towards him from a distance.  In order to properly flesh out his character, I grafted a recent Samson friend's persona over this guy, and as a result, the character and subsequently narrative gained tremendous legs.  

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I share this with you to hopefully inspire.  There's so much you can do creatively - that doesn't involve lustful thoughts / porn use - to rectify your dysregulation.  For me, creative writing was the tremendous fix I was looking for.  Try it today!

Recommended Reading

With Friendship in Decline, Belonging Is a Powerful Apologetic (thegospelcoalition.org)

"Open Share" - JR Everhart

The more I watch porn the more it leaves me desiring physical intimacy with a real woman.  At the same time, it rubs my face into the shit of my loneliness, leaving me feeling like I’m not worthy of real connection.  I’m single (divorced) and have no one in my life to experience physical touch with, yet touch is my love language.  Without it, I feel empty and detached from love.  I’m so hard-wired from my childhood abuse to translate touch into acceptance and validation that I struggle to enjoy all the other successes in my life.  It doesn’t seem to matter how much money I make or stuff I buy, I still feel empty without it.  So, I find myself in cycles of touching myself and in turn fantasizing therein of intimate moments with my ex-wife or other women from my past that I felt deeply connected to.  Porn lubricates this process.  But sadly, it only adds to the burden of weight I’m already carrying by stacking shame and guilt on top of all the loneliness and depression.  “Oh wretched man that I am…who can save me from this body of death and heal my broken wounds…?"  Yeah, I know… Jesus.  And as much as I truly love him and have dedicated my life to him, I have to somehow live with the idea that he’s never going to be able to lay in bed with me and meet my physical needs.  Yet, I’m trapped in this body that relentlessly cries out for comfort via physical touch. 

I’m so very thankful and grateful for my relationship with Christ.  Honestly, I am.  I could have never made it this far without him.  But I’m still here fighting my flesh for holiness.  I do desire holiness and in tandem, wish to walk in his ways.  Sometimes, I feel as if I’m pretty close to doing that.  But, I almost always fail, finding myself returning to the reliability of pornographic / lustful self-indulgence.  I believe I've walked as close to Christ as anyone could ever hope to, yet even in my brightest hour, there was still a smoldering of lust within the basement of my mind.  I often chose to ignore it, but it was always there, patiently waiting.  Knowing that it was only a matter of time before I fell to its temptation.  This is why the enemy’s accusations resonate.  (It’s because there're true!)  I have done all of the things I’m accused of.  That’s what my guilt and shame are built upon.  As such, our humanity tell us, “I will suffer for what I’ve done and deserve too…”  Therein lies the shame identity I struggle with. 

But I know God's grace is bigger and stronger than my sin.  I fully understand the gift of salvation through Jesus, and not through JR’s good behavior.  But I’m damn tired of fighting the fight and still feeling like I’m unworthy of love and companionship.  I’m tired of being so enlightened and free that I can’t stand to be in the same room with a broken woman.  I’m tired of walking away from first dates and knowing I have no desire to see that person ever again.  I hate the chase, the drama, and the "let-downs" of middle-aged dating.  I’m tired of trying to be a decent person who depends on God and feeling like my prayers aren’t going past the ceiling fan.  The whole human experience is just exhausting, and I’m over here praying for God to open my eyes to life being a gift!  Meanwhile, I’m just ready to cross the Jordan and take hold of my eternal reward.  I’m tired of eating crap salad and not being able to enjoy anything anymore.  When does it all get better?  Where are my blessings that God knows I truly desire? 

Any of this sound familiar? I think it’s a natural reaction to longing for our eternal home.  The troubles and hardships of life just grind us to a nub sometimes.  I’m there, tired and burnt out and in need of a physical touch I may or may never experience again.  I like what the book, The Cure, says about changing our focus from fixing ourselves to just being open about our struggles.  But it’s hard to truly feel comfortable regarding admitting to my sin.  I know in my spirit that it wars against God's good purpose for my life.  But hey, at this stage of the game, I’ll take anything new to try and break free from even 1% of my struggles.  There has to be more to this life than money and loneliness. Thanx for letting me share…  I'm JR.

Recommended Reading

Here's why experts say men need more friends in their lives — and how they can make them | Salon.com

Recommended Reading

No One Who Abides in Him Keeps on Sinning | Desiring God