January 2023 "No Bull Briefing"

 

THE NO BULL BRIEFING - January 2023

Celebrate 10 Years of National Samson Gatherings with the Samson Summit! In celebration of our tenth national event, Samson Society is throwing a party in Texas with The Place We Find Ourselves podcast host Adam Young.  Adam is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with Master degrees in Social Work (Virginia Commonwealth University) and Divinity (Emory University). He currently serves as a Fellow with The Allender Center, and his approach to therapy has been shaped primarily by Dan Allender, Daniel Siegel, Allan Schore, Pat Ogden, and Bessel van der Kolk. LEARN MORE New Samson Swag Available! Light an inspirational candle while you listen to the latest Pirate Monk Podcast on your Samson earbuds before journaling about walking the path of recovery. All possible with items now available in the Samson Swag Store. CHECK IT OUT A Week-Long Traveling Retreat in England Recovery is not a solo activity, nor is it merely a mental one. This retreat is an opportunity for 10 men to walk together for an entire week along ancient paths in rural England, forming bonds, facing challenges, sharing meals and personal experiences.  In the process we will work our way through all seven stages of the Samson Society’s Path, taking time for deliberate work at each stage.    Space is limited to the first ten men to register. LEARN MORE Meeting Host & Co-Host Virtual Training Do you host or sub a Samson Society meeting? If so, you are invited to join us for a special virtual training session on Saturday, February 4. Whether you facilitate an in-person or virtual meeting, this FREE training with TrueFace President & CEO Robby Angle will dive into what it means to have the heart of a leader and how you, as the meeting host, can confidently take the community of men who attend the meeting to a deeper, more fulfilling level.  REGISTER Support Your Partner's Healing Journey Invite your wife to attend this year's Sarah Society retreat featuring Fight for Love Ministries founder and podcast host Rosie Makinney. This weekend of soul restoration and encouragement occurs April 14-16, 2023, in Nunnelly, Tennessee at a private lodge. LEARN MORE Thank You for Your Generosity! Thanks to your generosity during our end-of-year matching gift fundraiser we smashed our goal of $50,000! Here's a Pirate Monk fist bump for you! Are You a Recovery Coach? Let Us Know! As the Samson Society continues to grow, we are committed to helping men reach higher levels of healing in their journey of recovery. We are wanting to create an in-house directory of recovery coaches for Samson men to use as they seek deeper insight into the barriers and obstacles keeping them from finding freedom. If you are a licensed recovery coach, please let us know. Email us your contact information, credential information, and any other information such as specialized areas of focus you would like included in this directory. I Thought of You Today: A Note to Your Silas/Silee By Andrew As the day begins, the sun rising above the horizon, the first rays of sunlight brightening the dawning sky, I thought of you today. You, who are you? You the one who lives in a far away land, so far that when I climb upon the highest hill and there I stand, the only thing of you I see is the invisible heart of a man whose friendship and love I desperately need. What else is there of you? What do I not know? What should I know as you too, stand on that distant hill looking my way, wondering the same? What else is there of you? This I know. I wish we stood on closer hills so that in the distance you could see me walking towards you and you the same. In that moment of time we would know, we would see the prospect of time that would bring us together for the renewal of our brotherhood, a kinship born of life’s circumstances. As I would begin my walk towards the closer hill, my heart would quicken in anticipation. Upon meeting, the questions would continue to be answered one by one, the question, “What else is there of you that you desire to share of yourself?” We would sit. We would talk. We would stroll through the overgrown path that one once thought of as the one less traveled. It is here that we can ever so carefully unwrap the delicate parts of our hearts that are protected due to past hurts. Upon entering the clearing of the path less traveled we would find that there is nothing more to ask when questioned, “What else is there of you?” because the time spent sharing our heart, the private, sacred parts of our hearts would have been unveiled to one another. It is here that the life’s roadmap designed by God, would have allowed us each to expose the pain but also, I would like to interject, the beauty that we find in life, in our relationship. So now that the rays of sunlight fill the sky and the busyness of life carries many to and fro, oblivious to others’ wants and needs, I want to stop long enough to tell you that I thought of you today. December 2022 Meeting Host & Sub Winner Thank you Jamey Bennett for hosting the in-person Samson Society of Boca meeting! We would like to give you a one-time 25% discount in the Samson merch store as a thank you for donating your time and talents! Please check your email inbox for your discount code. Each month we will draw one name, so be sure to complete the host form online every time you host or sub a meeting to be entered in to the drawing. You receive one entry for each time you host or sub during the month. Regional Retreat Opportunities Planning a regional Samson retreat? Let us know at samsonhouseoffice@gmail.com or drop it on the #upcoming_event channel on Slack so we can help you spread the word! Monthly Resource Corner Each month, Samson Society will promote a resource that you may find helpful on your journey. Feel free to share any podcast episodes, blog posts, books, or documentaries that you find enlightening!  Some of us may be able to pinpoint moments where we experienced harm in our formative years. Others of us may say: “My parents were just doing the best they could,” or “My upbringing wasn’t so bad compared to others’.” The truth is: We have all experienced hurt, abandonment, or disappointment at the hands of our parents or caretakers, whether it was intentional or not. So much of our beauty and brokenness — so much of what makes us human — is tied to our family of origin.  How do we begin to engage with the harm we endured? Are we dishonoring our father and mother if we name the hurt we experienced growing up? Should we just “let it go?” Furthermore, how do we engage the ways in which our families of origin have influenced our stories today? Are we doomed to repeat past patterns in our own lives, our children’s lives, and with future generations? Join Dr. Dan Allender and Adam Young, LCSW, MDiv, as they discuss the often-unaddressed burdens that adult children bear, how to engage the stories of the past with honor and grace, and how to find relief in order to step into the freedom that God has called us to in our own stories. WHEN: Thursday, February 23 (Lifetime Access to Recording) COST: $49 REGISTER Connect with us on social media!

SUPPORT@SAMSONSOCIETY.COM WWW.SAMSONSOCIETY.COM

Recommended Reading

 What I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 40, According to 12 Men (fatherly.com)

Who Should You Share The Gospel With In 2023?

 The Toughest Conversation I Don’t Regret (thegospelcoalition.org)

Find A Way To Exploit Hope(fulness) As A Means To Strengthen Your Resolve To Choose Something Other Than Porn

My favorite attribute of my oldest daughter is her choosing to be hopeful.  She's wired opportunistically / positively, and it's infectious, and this certainly points her in the direction of her forecasting to be as such.  When you first meet her, her positive wiring might come across as trite, but it doesn't take long to realize that she's working her grey matter towards being a genuinely hopeful young lady.

This has worked in her favor relationally as a college student, particularly as it pertains to accruing friends.  Her cohorts gravitate therein in response to her more (seemingly) adult-like point-of-view (versus the stereotypical pessimistic adolescent).

Our other two daughters are optimists too, though it's most pronounced within our youngest (middle schooler).  As such, she's quite the anomaly as a tweenager (having become somewhat of an outlier as a result).   

Overall, I'm firmly resolved to thank God for their positive bents versus one that leans negative / pessimistic.  That being said, keep in mind that I'm biased in this regard for I too am an overall opportunistic / positive individual.  And you can blame my parents for this (they modeled it / passed it down).

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A handful of Samson guys that I / I've regularly chat(ted) with aren't the optimistic-types.  I actually find this refreshing and uniquely contrastive.  But what I am beginning to observe is how demanding their temperament can be relative to them compulsively turning to lust to emotionally placate / regulate.   

For an example, I offer the following (this scenario is based on hearsay):  Negative feelings encroach in response to doing some run-of-the-mill (psychological) assessment work and from there, reflexively - compulsive sexual sin pacifiers are feverishly grasped at.  

This is just one example of a negative (temperament) feedback loop.  And frankly, I do believe it's quite a tough one to rewire, particularly as a loner. 

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All this begs the question:  Can a melancholy Samson guy counteract this temperament?  More specifically, can he rebel against his emotional instincts long enough for him to choose to drawdown the necessary hope to directly combat his circumstantial kneejerk lustfix?  And can this leeching be sustained rhythmically enough - over time - for him to remove himself out his fatalistic rut?

Inquiring Samson minds want to know... 

Let's make an attempt at defining what hope is firstly before speculating further.

Hope is a feeling that's earned via intellect (mindfulness, if you will).  As such, I believe, it's much harder for dumbass people to experience it in droves.  Intellect powers sharp memories (both good and bad).  Memory is key to feeling hopeful as it serves as a framework relative to the (potential - in tandem with or opposite to) future.  

Compulsive behaviors such as drug / porn use "clog" / "cloud" the brain's synapses (proper thinking ability), and this is akin to making a person dillweed-like.  Therein, they lose their proper framework (smarts).

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Here's a specific example of how drug-use can steal one's ability to instinctively choose hope.

In 2012, a prominent local (Jackson Metro) attorney's son committed suicide.  Now, you must know that I have no reason to not believe wholeheartedly that this boy was also akin to choosing hope (sprungboard off of a positive mindset) as much or more as my aforementioned oldest daughter.  He was one of three boys, but unfortunately, he'd turned to both selling and using drugs whilst living / working out west (gap year post high school).  His prominent parents, in response to his heart-rending death, chose to take part in a speaking tour where they read his suicide note, indirectly warning audiences across the region of the dangers of drug use (whilst beautifully interweaving "Armor of God" scripture).  It was massively courageous on their part to give so freely out of their pain and suffering.

Thank you Taggarts!  (Some of my local heroes of the faith.)

One of the most interesting statements their son made within his suicide note had to do with his pre-suicidal mindset.  He noted the contrast between how drugs had noticeably diminished his intellect (primarily memory) in light of where he had been (pre-drug use).  From there, he renounced any hope of seeing his prior intelligence return.  This fatalistic assumption fostered his hopelessness which led to his suicide.  

And that was pretty much the gist of his hopeless letter.  A letter, again, written by an optimistically tempered, overall positive-minded young man who just happened to make some poor choices relative to drugs.

It's important to note that many professionals believe that chronic porn use can affect the brain similarly, particularly if it's coupled with masturbation.  

And that's what makes it and drug use notoriously difficult to see beyond / out of.  A number of therapist tagline this the "shame cycle".

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Once again:  

All this begs the question:  Can a melancholy Samson guy counteract this temperament?  More specifically, can he rebel against his emotional instincts long enough for him to choose to drawdown the necessary hope to directly combat his circumstantial kneejerk lustfix?  And can this leeching be sustained rhythmically enough - over time - for him to remove himself out his fatalistic rut?

Attraction is key.  Whether you're within an in-patient facility or working through a recovery program like Samson Society.  You must find yourself attracted enough to someone (who's far enough into their own personal sobriety) to trust them with your heart.  From there, their hope can transfer to you, effectively counteracting your persistently hopeless state of mind.  

What might impede this from happening?

-  Sometimes attraction is never given an opportunity because recovery colleagues aren't considered worthwhile enough (up to snuff), or simply the group itself is privately labeled a "freakfest".  

-  Clinical depression has reduced the man's outlook to nothing but intrusive emotional pain.  

What promulgates / perpetuates this attraction process?  

-  Spending time together on a regular basis.

-  Asking really good questions (cross referenced).

All the while being vulnerable.