Why Social Connections Are the Ultimate Form of Self-Care (msn.com)
Monday, May 23, 2022
Saturday, May 21, 2022
Let's Talk Samson - "Hyper-Independence"
Note from Stephen: Over the next few weeks, I will be sharing some short posts titled "Let's Talk Samson..." The following post below originated from the Samson Society Facebook page. Specific permission was obtained from the Samson Society in order for the Jackson Mississippi Samson Society blog to re-post and share the contents. The ideas and thoughts presented here originated via the Samson Society's Facebook Page, and permission has been granted to share both ideas and images via this blog. At the end, I will add my own personal commentary and reflection; these will be presented in bold, italic lettering to designate my personal views as they pertain to the original posting. ~ Stephen
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Children who
experience emotional or physical neglect learn to replace the deep craving for
connection with "not needing anyone."
It's an instinct to self-protect and is an effective
coping tool to survive an unsafe and/or painful environment.
Hyper-independence numbs the deep craving for love and
connection. It takes the pain of rejection, abandonment, sadness, and grief,
and transforms it into a perceived self-confidence:
▪ "I don't need anyone."
▪ "I can do this on my own."
▪ "Why let you in? Everyone eventually
leaves."
When we’re used, betrayed, or disrespected, it’s easy
for us to create the belief that we can’t rely on anybody else. We don’t want
to feel that pain ever again, so we protect ourselves by believing we can walk
on this world without the help of others.
This mindset leads to:
▪ taking on too much
▪ saying no to help
▪ having trouble with delegating tasks
We may think being on our own is much better than
letting people in, but what we’re really doing is closing ourself off to life.
This is why community, such as the brotherhood of
Samson, is vital to our journey of recovery, healing, and just "doing
life."
Stephen's Commentary:
I am not a fan of social media and partake of it sparingly. I am a very private person, and I thank the good Lord every day that I grew up in a day and age when social media wasn't even a word that existed in the vernacular of Americans. Still, social media does have its moments and it also has certain areas in which it demonstrates usefulness. One particular way that I have found social media to be useful is via the Samson Facebook page. A few weeks ago, I came across a post that stopped me dead in my tracks. Quite literally, it stopped me dead in my tracks and caused me to have to sit down and pause for a few moments. Very few things that I have ever read online have pulled a sucker punch on me like this post did. Many thoughts raced through my mind at once: "This is me...this is who I am...Whoever wrote this looked right through my hardened veneer into the depths of my soul...They get it...they understand...maybe there are others out there like me..."
I have always been a "hyper-independent" person. Until I read this Facebook post, I didn't realize that there was even such a term to describe someone such as myself. Through the work I've done over the past 6 years via Samson, I have been able to re-trace the steps back through my life to see exactly when and where I started down the path of becoming "hyper-independent." Prior to Samson, I didn't know how to begin this process, nor would I have even cared to! Being a "hyper-independent" introverted person is very painful at times. Even though I can be an extroverted-introvert (ambivert) at times, the "hyper-independence" within me still reigns strong. "Hyper-independent" is perhaps the strongest over-arching character trait that is present in my life.
Being "hyper-independent" is DANGEROUS. Being such a person usually means keeping everyone at arm's length. As a husband and father, "hyper-independence" still, at times, causes me to be withdrawn and emotionally unavailable to those who need me the most...my family.
Being "hyper-independent" is EXHAUSTING. Being a chameleon in order to demonstrate a wonderful "outward" appearance while often struggling internally is both mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Being "hyper-independent" is extremely LONELY. A few weeks ago, my son was very sick, and was hospitalized for a week in the local children's hospital. My wife never left his side and spent the week in the hospital with him. My days consisted of working half days and running back and forth to the hospital during the remaining time to take care of my family. At night, I was at home caring for my three dogs. Aside from a few people we told, I did not reach out to anyone. Even though I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained by the end of the day, my "hyper-independence" caused me to not reach out to anyone and struggle alone with my fears and my thoughts. It was a rough week.
Being "hyper-independent" is not who I want to be. Above, I have included a screenshot of the original post. The words I have highlighted in yellow describe me. That is Stephen. And I need help moving past that. But my "hyper-independence" assures me that I do not. I need people who will continue to convince me of the need to abandon my desire for "hyper-independence." ~Stephen
Children who experience emotional or physical neglect learn to replace the deep craving for connection with "not needing anyone."
It's an instinct to self-protect and is an effective coping tool to survive an unsafe and/or painful environment.
Hyper-independence numbs the deep craving for love and connection. It takes the pain of rejection, abandonment, sadness, and grief, and transforms it into a perceived self-confidence:
▪ "I don't need anyone."
▪ "I can do this on my own."
▪ "Why let you in? Everyone eventually leaves."
When we’re used, betrayed, or disrespected, it’s easy for us to create the belief that we can’t rely on anybody else. We don’t want to feel that pain ever again, so we protect ourselves by believing we can walk on this world without the help of others.
This mindset leads to:
▪ taking on too much
▪ saying no to help
▪ having trouble with delegating tasks
We may think being on our own is much better than letting people in, but what we’re really doing is closing ourself off to life.
This is why community, such as the brotherhood of Samson, is vital to our journey of recovery, healing, and just "doing life."
Stephen's Commentary:
I am not a fan of social media and partake of it sparingly. I am a very private person, and I thank the good Lord every day that I grew up in a day and age when social media wasn't even a word that existed in the vernacular of Americans. Still, social media does have its moments and it also has certain areas in which it demonstrates usefulness. One particular way that I have found social media to be useful is via the Samson Facebook page. A few weeks ago, I came across a post that stopped me dead in my tracks. Quite literally, it stopped me dead in my tracks and caused me to have to sit down and pause for a few moments. Very few things that I have ever read online have pulled a sucker punch on me like this post did. Many thoughts raced through my mind at once: "This is me...this is who I am...Whoever wrote this looked right through my hardened veneer into the depths of my soul...They get it...they understand...maybe there are others out there like me..."
I have always been a "hyper-independent" person. Until I read this Facebook post, I didn't realize that there was even such a term to describe someone such as myself. Through the work I've done over the past 6 years via Samson, I have been able to re-trace the steps back through my life to see exactly when and where I started down the path of becoming "hyper-independent." Prior to Samson, I didn't know how to begin this process, nor would I have even cared to! Being a "hyper-independent" introverted person is very painful at times. Even though I can be an extroverted-introvert (ambivert) at times, the "hyper-independence" within me still reigns strong. "Hyper-independent" is perhaps the strongest over-arching character trait that is present in my life.
Being "hyper-independent" is DANGEROUS. Being such a person usually means keeping everyone at arm's length. As a husband and father, "hyper-independence" still, at times, causes me to be withdrawn and emotionally unavailable to those who need me the most...my family.
Being "hyper-independent" is EXHAUSTING. Being a chameleon in order to demonstrate a wonderful "outward" appearance while often struggling internally is both mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Being "hyper-independent" is extremely LONELY. A few weeks ago, my son was very sick, and was hospitalized for a week in the local children's hospital. My wife never left his side and spent the week in the hospital with him. My days consisted of working half days and running back and forth to the hospital during the remaining time to take care of my family. At night, I was at home caring for my three dogs. Aside from a few people we told, I did not reach out to anyone. Even though I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained by the end of the day, my "hyper-independence" caused me to not reach out to anyone and struggle alone with my fears and my thoughts. It was a rough week.
Being "hyper-independent" is not who I want to be. Above, I have included a screenshot of the original post. The words I have highlighted in yellow describe me. That is Stephen. And I need help moving past that. But my "hyper-independence" assures me that I do not. I need people who will continue to convince me of the need to abandon my desire for "hyper-independence." ~Stephen
Friday, May 20, 2022
Thursday, May 19, 2022
Honoring The Mother Ship's (First Baptist Church Jackson) Cherished '70s / '80s' Pastor - Dr. Frank Pollard
(Note: I am posting this on behalf of Rob Turner
~ Stephen)
Summit Counseling (First Baptist Church Jackson's proprietary counseling ministry) wouldn't exist had Dr. Frank Pollard not wholeheartedly supported its creation / funding during the '80s.
This ministry was firstly overseen by Dr. Ron Mumbower, and it offered
individuals who were members of the church professional therapy /
counseling within the four walls of the church itself. For a
Mississippi church, this was cutting edge in ministry thinking.
The Jackson Mississippi Samson Society's original face-to-face group,
facilitated by Mr. Don Waller, has always met within the Summit
Counseling suite, which today is located within the First Baptist Church
Jackson Christian Life Center. Don has been part
of Summit (as a licensed therapist) for many years, and his involvement
in facilitating the initial Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society group
speaks to his passion for helping men in crises via relational
accountability (via The Path).
But it all points back to the now long deceased Dr. Frank Pollard, and
his vision for integrating professional counseling into First Baptist
Church Jackson's suite of ministries.
-------------------------
Dr. Frank Pollard was a master communicator, and as a means to honor his
legacy / vision (which we as local Samson guys have benefited from),
we'll soon be posting - once per week or so - transcripts from a handful
of his The Baptist Hour radio
/ TV broadcasts from the late '70s. By doing so, we're hopeful you too
(like us) will recognize the opportunity here. For these transcripts
represent the creme de la creme of Bible teaching of its day.
Therefore, without further ado, here's an introductory piece that
provides both a partial "Table of Contents" and summary of what The Baptist Hour was during its heyday.
Tuesday, May 17, 2022
Timing Is Everything
I received the above photo (this AM) from an old friend who just recently took the plunge / drank the Samson Society Kool-Aid. The text message attached to the image read "New reading material for today".
I cannot underemphasize how humbled I am; for this guy is one of those men whom I deeply respect, having known him for well over a decade.
Be encouraged readers. For brothers in Christ, whom you love, can benefit just as you have via the Samson Society. It's just a matter of timing and your willingness to share your story / invite them in.
Authentic brotherhood awaits - both in-person &/or virtual - for those men who're ready to commit.
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