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Wednesday, April 13, 2022
Monday, April 11, 2022
"What If...?" (Mirror Universe)
My first pastor friend was our Assistant Pastor at Lakeside Presbyterian Church. He'd initially served as our church's Youth Pastor, but by the time Angie & I began visiting (with our then two little sinners) Lakeside Pres (around 2009), he'd been promoted. Brandon was / is 3-5 years older than I am, and overall is one of the most handsome Presbyterian pastors I've had the privilege to meet. Were he not a member of the clergy, he'd likely be highly successful either in the public or private sector.
It was just a few months into visiting the church that I emailed this meek man and asked him to share lunch with me. We met at Primos restaurant in Flowood, and it was then that I clumsily, though directly, relayed my story. I also let him know that I needed a friend, and surprisingly, he obliged relative to having that same need. From there, we embarked, and it was quite a supportive relationship for such a time as that (over a span of a few years).
One day, on a whim, I decided to email Pastor Brandon with an imagined scenario to respond to. It involved him encountering a beautiful, seductive woman during a normal pastoral workday (whilst out and about within the community) and her making a subtle pass at him. From there, I waited to see how he might react. (Keep in mind that he was married with two children.)
To my surprise (& a slight tinge of horror), my friend replied to my email within the hour, and his reply was lengthy (5-6 paragraphs) and to the point(ed). So much so that I came away feeling as if he'd been deeply offended by my inquiry. Overall, his reaction was unexpected in its intensity / pervasiveness / tone. After the fact, he and I never discussed this email exchange for I was way too embarrassed to revisit.
In the end, on one hand I regretted having to endure the brunt of his - seemingly out of character - reaction, but on the other, I appreciated learning that much more about him - as my friend - and as a pastor relative to not only what he responded with but how quickly / assertively he chose to respond. My respect for him grew that much more as a result.
There are times when you simply cannot see certain sides of individuals until you back them up against (either a real or hypothetical) a wall, and this was one of those times.
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We've lived in our 'hood for twenty years. Our cul-de-sac contains eleven patio homes, each scrunched up against each other as if they're vying to stay warm(er) than the Mississippi heat & humidity can muster.
One of our newest neighbors is a woman who's a few years older than I. Residing within her abode too is her sweet elderly mom. They've been a delight to get to know, and we're so fortunate to have them. With a number of our other neighbors, they've been over for dinner on multiple occasions in order to share a meal / numerous laughs.
This homeowner has a large dog that mostly stays within her lot's sizable backyard, but on occasion, she lets it out to roam freely. Inevitably, the dog sprints away with the homeowner yelling all the while for the canine to return. I can't say that I blame the pooch for doing this as I'm sure it's instinctual for it to explore the geographical possibilities that lie beyond. Nonetheless, it usually doesn't go too far beyond our cul-de-sac.
My youngest daughter has gleefully watched this homeowner carefully officiate her bitch's recent litter right inside her home. And based on what my daughter has shared, the homeowner even sleeps with the pups inside the "pup tent" within her small living room. The puppies are beautiful and growing fast (I've seen them once), with many already accounted for relative to new homes throughout the state.
Last Friday, (4/8), I was taking the trash cans to the curb when I felt a tinge of panic. Immediately I was faced with the aforementioned neighbor's dog barking at me ferociously (within 10-15 feet of where I was standing).
It's important to know that years ago, I was out running and was bit by a similarly scaled, barking dog whilst making my way through a nearby 'hood. That experience left a marked impression (as well as bite marks).
In response to the dog's tirade, I tried hard to ignore the animal, hoping it would leave my property on its own. All the while, my neighbor is screaming the dog's name from her stoop, two houses down, whilst holding one of the pups.
But then, surprisingly, the dog lunged at me as if she was going to take a bite either out of my arm or side. I reflexively jumped to the side in terror before becoming unhinged emotionally. And when I say unhinged, I mean Mr. Hyde-like unhinged.
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I know now why Brandon responded as he did to my imagined scenario. He was doing it to protect my future, knowing full well how much influence he had over it.
Ultimately, it was him drawing a line in the sand that clearly differentiated - for me - right versus wrong. God's will versus man's will. Righteous versus unrighteous. Playing with fire versus respecting fire (by leaving it in the firebox)
And, he was willing to do this - risking all the while (had I taken offense) - our friendship's continuity.
This is true friendship because it's ultimately hinged on the gospel. Hence, its occupants answer therein to Christ firstly prior to answering to each other. Think of it as a triangle with Christ at the peak.
In closing, had my neighbor's dog berated another neighbor besides myself (a number of which are elderly retirees) last Friday afternoon, someone may very well could have been hurt. The dog is BIG with a LOUD obnoxious bark. This alone is enough to frighten.
Whilst looking back, I'm glad it came my way, and I'm pleased with how I ultimately reacted (& the dog responded). Even if it permanently damages our good neighborly relations, I feel certain our run-ins with her pooch are behind us.
That being said, I'm still attempting to process the unusual intensity of the situation, and how shocking I must have come across to my neighbor! I'm willing to bet a dollar that Brandon, all those years ago, went through the same. (I bet he re-read his email reply to me fifty times, if he read it once, during the days & weeks following.)
Sunday, April 10, 2022
Recommended Viewing As We Embark Into Holy Week
I remember seeing this years ago, and having a good laugh. I'd not had any exposure to The Onion prior.
The fact that Jesus was God in the flesh can be / should be our focus this week. He was definitely selfless and brave, but it's his flesh that made him one of us.
Today, he's just as God in the flesh as he was when he was here on Earth. We know this from the Bible. When he ascended, he didn't leave his flesh behind. Only the Holy Spirit was left.
Therefore today, as New Testament (Gentile) Christians, our identity in Christ is one that's mated to a God in the flesh.
As a man, particularly a Samson man, I can find myself at times having difficulty making peace with my flesh. And it's during these times when I absolutely forget that Christ is no different than I am as the son of God. God in the flesh. Flexing his muscles for the angels.
Tuesday, April 5, 2022
Monday, April 4, 2022
Devilishly Alone Amongst The Throngs
"YOU DO NOT FIT IN HERE!"
My one and only BPO (Business & Professional Outreach) International deer camp retreat experience happened back in February of 2014, and unfortunately, I did not come away feeling known or at all having had an intimate experience with the +/-30 men who accompanied me to rural Holmes County, MS. And that outcome had nothing to do with anyone but me for such a time as that.
For the timing was wrong. Just as the timing was wrong for me to attend the "Sportsman's Night Out" at First Baptist Church Jackson last Friday, (4/1/22) night, but I did it because I wanted to please my dad. And he did come away pleased that I made the effort on his behalf (which put a smile on my face).
The problem therein is I've no idea when the timing is best for me to take part in these type of events. Yet, when the timing is right, they're awesome to experience for I then know myself better (& believe that knowledge as truth).
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When I worked as the Campus Architect at Delta State University back in 2012 / 2013, the timing could not have been worse because at that time, I was not at all well-equipped to see / appreciate my place within that group (of men). Yet, I never would have come to know this had I not stepped into that position on faith, leaving my comfort zone behind (& the same applies to my aforementioned deer camp retreat experience).
What it comes down to is knowing yourself, and for Rob, there have been some distinct seasons (life stages?) where I was completely ignorant therein. Considering that statement though, I must say that I'm thankfully experiencing shorter and shorter blind spots as I settle into middle-age.
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Another sizable factor in all of this is how perpetually focused I can become on the men around me during these (gathered) events / within these settings. And this isn't an enviable focusing on my part (like it was within my youth). It's not that at all. Today, it's more of a silent shakedown, fueled by an energized curiosity, more than anything else.
After leaving this past February's Samson Society regional retreat, I agreed to provide a ride to a new Samson friend (who is very close to my age) from our venue in Gulf Shores to the Mobile airport (for him to catch a flight out later on that day). It wasn't long into our trek that he confidently affirmed my spiritual gifting, having had the opportunity to observe me closely throughout the weekend. I wasn't sure how to feel about this except a bit exposed and sad.
When you're given the gift of seeing inside other men (which I am supremely honored to be gifted with), and your sexuality is schewed towards homosexual desires (versus heterosexual), a distinct outward bias can take root.
That statement represents a big part of my life in a nutshell. And it's why I have so little ability to resist readily available gay porn (moth to a flame). And, at times, it does make me sad. Today is one of those days.
Thanks. I'm Rob.
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