Thursday, November 18, 2021
Tuesday, November 16, 2021
Monday, November 15, 2021
The (Horny) Christian White Knight / "You Look Like Vice."
The first teenage girl that became infatuated with young (also teenage) Rob did so primarily via telephone conversations she and I had over the course of a few months. This young, very sweet lady lived with her family in Saltillo, MS. We'd met at a winter concert band event (hosted by a MS IHL) over the course of a weekend. She played clarinet as I did, and me being as articulate as I was, we hit it off. Over time, she lost interest, and this no doubt was accelerated by my unwillingness to frequent her repetitive (to me) invitations to awkwardly rendezvous while she was here in Jackson with her north Mississippi family.
Similarly, another girl (colleague from church) also fell (quite hard) for me thanks to Ma Bell, and this occurred despite the fact that this young lady lived in the Jackson area (near me). At the outset of our relationship, Jean would call me from a local hospital (pay phone) as her parents were there visiting a dying relative (I believe it was her great uncle). And this went on for a number of days / weeks, usually late in the afternoon / early evening. I have no idea what we dialogued about for all those hours on end, but nonetheless, whatever it was, she obviously felt "attended to" enough to keep listening.
Me being an only child typically afforded plenty of opportunity & desire to chat it up with these friendgirls. And this was especially the case during my early high school years (before I was frying more & more Chick-A-Fil during my junior / senior years). Too, all of this made me feel like a nice Christian guy.
Angie and I had a long distance relationship while we were dating, and this occurred during my last year of architecture school at Mississippi State University. While she was residing in Shreveport, LA, we'd chat most nights for hours. I loved having this time with her. It was a nice stopgap in light of the miles between us.
My brother-in-law was such the telephone magnate during his teen years that my in-laws installed a second telephone (land)line within their home just for him. I distinctly remember looking Angie's home phone number up within the telephone directory on a handful of occasions, and always taking note of the indented verbiage that read (directly below): Children's telephone....
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During the 2020 National Samson Society retreat, I had the privilege of sharing a meal with a Samson guy who was real-time resonating from a pivotal personal revelation (as a result of one of the workshop proceedings). This man was in his late-50s / early-60s, and he explained to me how he'd been a victim of exploitation for much of his teen / young adult years. Surprisingly, the predator in this case was his pastor's wife (who was obviously much older than he was at the time), and she did her wooing / predatory work always over the telephone (seductive phone sex). This routine went on through his college years and well beyond 'till he reached his early 30s. Yet, it wasn't 'till that 2020 retreat (decades later) that he recognized her predatory behavior for what it really was - predatory behavior.
During this year's National Samson Society retreat, I re-met another guy (who's closer to my age) who shared much more of his story (we only spoke briefly last year) with me (& a handful of other Samson guys who were in our small group). I vaguely remembered him from last year. Nonetheless, he remembered me, and from there he talked in detail about his longstanding issue with "white knight syndrome".
"White Knight syndrome" is the penchant to rescue the "damsel in distress" and as a result identify tremendously with said rescue, and it seems to take root within some men via childhood trauma.
This guy's glamorized identity as a white knight revolved around an experience he had in middle school involving a close friend of his named Ben. Ben asked for help relative to socializing with his "Australian cousin, Kyra" who was here visiting the states all by her lonesome.
This Samson guy agreed to make the effort to cold call fraternize with this young lady, and eventually this ongoing dialogue lead to seductive phone sex between the two children.
In the end, this Samson guy shockingly discovered that all of this hot and steamy middle school phone sex wasn't actually happening between himself and an Aussie named Kyra. Instead, it had occurred between himself and Ben (his close friend) who'd been posing as Kyra all along.
And this resulted in big time T.R.A.U.M.A.
After hearing this, I worked hard to triangulate between my now much more well acquainted friend and my aforementioned friend from 2020 (decades of phone sex with the pastor's wife), and the Lord facilitated that beautifully. That, in and of itself, was super cool.
Fast forward a bit into my new friend's (from this year's retreat) adult life, and you can see how this traumatic, privately sexualized middle school event (between he and his friend Kyra-Ben) powerfully affirmed / poisoned a distortion that took hold of his identity with a vengeance.
Thanks to social media (hurray for social media!), this white knight found himself reconnecting many years into the future with a (actual) female high school friend. He did not disclose this online juncture to his wife, yet his friendgirl from high school did reveal her newly made (re)connection to her husband.
This now adult friendwoman had a number of personal problems (most of which stemmed from alcohol addiction) that this white knight quickly identified firsthand with great interest and compassion. And despite their being geographically apart from each other (he lived in Nashville, her in Atlanta), they managed to eventually rendezvous and have intercourse.
After this occurred a few times, her husband wised up to it and then the shit hit the fan.
According to this knight, all of that occurred +/-5 years ago. Nonetheless, he divulged that he continues to long (obsess) for this damsel. And he wasn't ashamed to admit to thinking of her everyday.
His knighthood demands that he take covert ganders at her social media pages forlornly. As such, there's the opportunity to affirm his validated fantastical identity (relative to her life's continued travails).
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To circle back to my super chatty brother-in-law, his first wife (who's now deceased due to alcohol poisoning) was his damsel in distress. In fact, her entire family needed rescuing, according to him, therefore he gladly stepped up to the plate. And no doubt, this was a noble cause backed by the purest of intentions, but their situation was far more intrinsically dysfunctional than he could have ever imagined.
Therefore, what resulted was him making a huge mistake that ended in much loss, heartache, and tragedy (as I referenced earlier).
It's important to know that there're few men who've known / experienced as much familial childhood trauma as my brother-in-law (at the hands of his parents).
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I've talked in the past about how women desire men to provide security for them, and in turn, men desire respect. The White Knight syndrome, I believe, finds its root therein within this normal sequence of operations. Especially under the guise of nice guy Christianity.
It's fascinating to me how the White Knight fantasy can be elevated to such an incredibly important emotional plateau for both men and women, all the while finding its roots in what men and women truly want / desire out of romantic relations.
But this seems to be especially true when it involves seduction and intercourse (in the form of fornication / adultery).
Within our culture, women aren't to be relegated to a weaker position in relation to men, yet some vilify their naturally identifiable circumstances to their advantage. And, of course, the genders can be reversed as such with the woman being the one riding the white horse and the man wearing the flowing, pink gown. It's uncommon but no doubt possible.
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There're an awful lot of individuals out there who're well positioned to be rescued. Yet, it's best to remember that some of these will deliver the part with no regard for boundaries, perception or recourse. Their one goal may very well be to seduce and entrap (without them even realizing it).
On the opposing side of that truth is the White Knight. No matter his intentions, he's setting himself up for nothing more than some intense orgasms. And those only last for a few seconds at best.
Sunday, November 14, 2021
Silas #1.1
I actually wasn't so sure I would have the privilege of obtaining another Silas, yet I did so today.
I do not simply choose to ask any Samson man to be my Silas. Instead, I wait for God's prompting. And frankly, I'd no idea if God would necessarily prompt, particularly at this time. But he did. And here I am. Partnered with another man. For as long as he'll have me.
What's unique about this relationship is its history. For this man served as my very first Silas back in 2011 / 2012 before I knew the Samson Society verbiage, much less anything of the Samson Society.
Here's the majority of a letter of thanks I wrote to this man back in October of 2018:
"I’m writing to thank you for showing me firsthand just how effective being in community truly is for Rob
relative to sanctification and personal growth. The friendship that we had while you were youth pastor
at Lakeside [Presbyterian Church] represented a period of time for me that literally changed my way of thinking as it pertains
to what men can and should be doing for each other as brothers in Christ. In fact, I would go so far as to
say, without a shadow of a doubt, that my memory of our kind of friendship represents to me today my
most cherished long-term goal in life.
Were it not for your willingness to be authentic during our lunch that day at Jerusalem Café in Fondren, I
seriously doubt that I would be as well versed in the power of community to the degree that I am.
Thank you for taking that risk with me and for in turn giving me permission to do the same with you.
Lakeside served me well by introducing me to you and your family all those years ago, therefore I see
our church as a place of significant episodic good work within the life of the Turners. Today, my family
continues to enjoy worshipping there, and I’m privileged to facilitate one of four Samson Society groups
in the Jackson Metro every Saturday morning on site. In many ways, I do so in honor of my memory of
the support I found during our time together. Thanks again and much love to you and your family."
I wrote this due to my then growing friendship with Lakeside's now current youth pastor, and his willingness to triangulate between our friendship and my / his previous / present one.
To my surprise, my old friend responded to this correspondence almost immediately, and I used that opportunity to encourage him to attend the 2018 National Samson Society retreat. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to do so, but he did attend in 2019, 2020, and this year's. As such, during each of these annual weekend retreats, we were given the opportunity to reconnect. Too, I attended a regional retreat he co-lead back in the summer that also provided opportunity for us to patiently resynchronize.
I have great respect for this brother in Christ, but I'm also humbled to know that he would be willing to provide this service to me (again) all these years later.
The greatest defense / offense I have at my disposal as a Samson guy is my willingness to be vulnerable with my Silas. Particularly when I'm tempted to consume pornography or soon thereafter (post consumption).
Gay pornography is only becoming more and more pervasive, prevalent, mainstream, and customized. I remain just as defeated relative to my sense of deep seated worthlessness. Establishing a healthy, helpful, ongoing emotional connection with my Silas personally works against both of these truths.
Thanks be to God for Samson Society.
Saturday, November 13, 2021
Living Out The Remainder Of Life Sans Bio Brothers / Ushering In Loneliness
My dad's one of four Turner boys, born and reared in the Mississippi Delta. This morning, around 4:30 AM, he became an only child due to his youngest brother, Ted, dying. His older two brothers died in years past, and as such, neither of those two were close to him. It's important to note that my father is in his late 60s, and in perfect health, therefore he's physically well positioned to live decades longer.
I can tell you now that the loneliness he's about to be faced with has the potential to shorten his life span tremendously. And this is due to the fact that the loneliness will more than likely seed depression.
A massive portion of my father's identity has always been tied to his "rank" (as boy #3) within that troupe of Turner men. And that "rank" had the most relevancy in relation to his youngest brother, Ted. I've actually never witnessed anything like it. He served as Ted's "big brother". And he had done so throughout his life. This was a tenured position that no one could touch. Except death, of course.
My father's penchant for nostalgia is unparalleled. This may also play into his despair. Especially whilst traveling through the Mississippi Delta town of Belzoni where he (& my mom) grew up (& adjacent to where my uncle Ted resided).
Today marks the beginning of the remainder of my father's life. My heart aches for him relative to facing his future as an only child.
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