How The Fear Of God Can Sober Us Up To The Reality Of Chronic Sin

You've heard of people doing a "cleanse" of their digestive system?  As far as I know, they drink some magic elixir (processed smoothie), and from there, they defecate their "past self" down the loo.

I suppose the idea here is some sort of guttural reboot.  I don't know.  It sounds interesting though in concept (though really stinky).

Wouldn't it be interesting if we could do that with our souls?

Perhaps due to the quarantine, we actually can.  Without drinking some gross-tasting magic elixir.

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Chronic sin - especially when it involves other human beings or tangible "landmarks" - is monumentally difficult to break free from under normal, everyday circumstances.  Take for example a man involved intimately with a female co-worker.  Perhaps the relationship hasn't become sexual except within his lustful fantasies, but nonetheless, his flirting with her at work 5 days a week promulgates this sin.  Or a man who meets up discreetly with his lover once or twice a month, unbeknownst to his family.  And finally, the man who masturbates at work behind closed doors as he fantasizes about his fetish whilst viewing photos / videos on his pocket computer.

Relative to drunkenness or gluttony, consider the man who travels by car / plane regularly for work and who serendipitously maps his trip in close proximity to local watering holes / fast-food & ice cream parlors.  Adult bookstores could certainly be treated the same here.

You get my drift.

God wants us in communion with him, and this requires obedience to his commands.  What better way to be reminded of this than for him to interrupt our focus on the routine - family, work, church, and on and on via the quarantine?

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Here's sort of an inverse analogy to what I'm describing here.

My wife, Angie, tripped over her feet in our driveway +/-8 weeks ago.  Unfortunately for her, she then proceeded to fall on her left arm / shoulder, severely bruising it from stem to stern.  From there, for about 5 weeks, she kept this arm completely immobile via a sling, wearing it throughout the day due to the intense pain from the bruising (both internal and external).  About three weeks ago, I began working with her to "re-learn" how to use this previously immobile limb.  This has involved both at the gym and (now) at-home exercises, and wow, has she progressed marvelously!

But this hasn't been easy for her in the least due to two new realities:

1.  How weak / easily fatigued her left arm now is due to its (more or less) complete 30-day immobilization coupled with the severe injury.

2.  How atrophied her left arm now is due to its (more or less) complete 30-day immobilization coupled with the severe injury.

There's been many tears shed by my sweet Angie as I challenge her to lift and stretch with that left arm as she did prior to her fall.  The pain in her joints, in particular, is intense, but each time we do this work, her arm strengthens / her arm's mobility improves exponentially.  And afterwards, she smiles more due to her accomplished good work (which makes me smile too).

It's important that you understand my motivation here in order for this inverse analogy to be utilized to its full potential.

I know the Angie before her accidental injury, and it's the one I want back.  For example, she and I haven't been sexually intimate for well over 2 months (maybe 3).  It's simply not been feasible.  And sex for us is really important, and not just because I'm great in bed (hah!).  As within any healthy marriage, intercourse for us is loads of fun plus it demonstrates our commitment to each other.  Therefore, in light of our circumstantial celibacy, our marriage has felt more like roomies than anything else.  And this is beginning to have a long-term negative impact.

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If you're cognizant to God's pursuit of your heart today, perhaps he's expecting you to exploit the quarantine to its full potential by re-thinking / repenting of chronic sin now that it's so easily identifiable / recognizable to you.

I realize that may hurt to hear, but if it does, you may have a serious problem, my friend.

Nevertheless, please remember that Samson Society is here to help.  Consider getting involved today - especially during the quarantine.  We'll benefit from your involvement as much (or more) as you'll benefit from knowing all of us.

Take the steps to re-think your involvement in chronic sin today.  It may just be now or never.

Refuse to lie to yourself or wear flowers in your hair.

Lagniappe

Recommended Reading From The New York Times

https://dnyuz.com/2020/03/23/the-beautiful-world-beside-the-broken-one/

Bearded Iris

A distinctly masculine flower

Better Off Dread. (The "I Love You" Man)

I wrote here about my attempt to receive encouragement from a prominent, local attorney during a particular low point within the past 6 years.  In looking back on that today relative to the topic at hand (& as I'll speak to at the end of this post), he was in no shape to assist me.  Nevertheless, he was kind enough to try.

One of the interesting caveats he shared with me that day, towards the end of our calendared juncture, was a simple prayer request.  And that was that I pray he'd soon overcome his ongoing sense of dread.

This particular emotion being divulged didn't shock me due to the fact that this man had endured tremendous emotional pain years prior.  Pain which he no doubt faced head on; so much so that he regularly addressed it formally through speeches given to churches, youth gatherings, etc.  What did take be aback though was his willingness to divulge this to insignificant me.  It was certainly my privilege.  So I prayed then and there, though I had no real understanding of what exactly I was interceding for.

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So what is dread?  Firstly, it's not a word you hear very often.

In my mind, it's a low frequency, negative emotion, for sure, and I believe it can be a result of enduring an impact that's done extensive damage to the (emotional) system itself.  Not unlike when you bust your eardrum and it simply never heals up properly resulting in that incessant ringing.

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As their only child, I observed, with much anxiety and confusion, my parents' marriage implosion when I was in 4th grade.  During that time, I watched my father's then youthful emotional health / demeanor short circuit, and frankly due to how young I was (considering my perspective), I suppose it either amplified or perhaps severely incapacitated his ability to process emotion from that point forward.  The best way to describe it is he went ape shit on us (justifiably) in a big way and the broken - claustrophobic / at times catatonic - end result (going forward) is all I've really known through my teen and adult years.  Really scary stuff for a young boy to witness, if I do say so myself.

Having been privileged to work with my dad now for the past 6+ years (me being in my late 40s and he in his late 60s), I have observed a very important detail about him that I believe speaks more specifically to what dread actually is.

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Dread is linked explicitly to irrational fear, and as a result, interpersonal trust is almost impossible to default towards.

In fact, to return to my analogy, if dread is like an incessant low frequency soundwave, then a sickening, relentless fear is the source of those sound waves.  And I'm not speaking of the kind of fear that's addressed Biblically.  That's rational fear.  This is something of another ilk, though it can certainly be erroneously categorized as the same (by the ignorant).  Subsequently, have you not experienced it (& believe me you don't want to), it's impossible to relate to.

Back in '13, our pastor in Cleveland, MS met with me the day prior to us departing to return here to Jackson after I'd lost my job.  It was a Monday, therefore he was exhausted from his church obligations the day prior, and therefore didn't care to necessarily meet.  Nonetheless, I was considered the exception due to our past history with both he and the church.

He listened with bleary eyes as I summarized my entire story for close to 45 minutes, but it wasn't 'till the tail end that he began to sober up to where it was all leading.  From there, I believe, the Holy Spirit impressed upon him to share this difficult bit related to irrational fear and how prevalent and intrusive it can be (even towards the pastorate).

Tim described to me his disdain for making hospital / home visits to parishioners who were cancer patients.  He talked about experiencing feelings somewhere between despondency and angst when with them.  So much so in fact that he'd often seek to avoid them altogether which, of course, brought on terrible shame.

Pastor Tim was essentially in bondage to the fear of either himself or someone he loved becoming a cancer patient just as these were, and he felt powerless against this mindset as it prohibited him to do his job well to those he looked after within his congregation.

I remember thanking him for sharing from his gut on that bleak September day.  And I must say, it's taken me quite some time to come to grips with the gravity of what he actually shared.

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A quick sidenote:  One of the most bizarre "managerial techniques" that I've seen employed whilst dealing with what I've described here is a guarded aloofness.  I feel it's important to mention that before I conclude with the hard part of this post.  Call it a weirdmo intentional detachment.  I see it as a coping technique for sure.

So, here we go.  What is the point of this post?  What's in it for me?

Nothing at all.  Instead, my plea to you is as follows:

Have pity on these folks.  Honor them by being patient.  And don't fall into the trap of thinking it's you yourself that's part of their problem.  As a friend, this is not too difficult to manage, but as a spouse / child, it can be quite difficult to keep this mindset in check due to the fact that you have other frames of reference (at times) serving to confuse matters (for yourself and for them).  That being said, there will be times when you must remind them of their own irrational feelings, but I find that really depends on their need - in real time - to be heard authentically.  When it comes to friendships, this unfortunately can spell doom.

Also, it's okay to keep your distance.  You don't owe your time or allegiance to this individual.  Nonetheless, you can sure do a lot of good if you'll commit to pray / be available, and this comes by loving them well (and telling them this often) through your own rationale view.

To loop back to the beginning of this post, I vividly remember being escorted out of my prominent attorney friend's impressive office, having voiced a short prayer of relief for his condition.  And I felt so fortunate to now have honest knowledge of where he was at.  Considering that occasion though, it wasn't 'till today that I'm truly standing in awe of how impactful negative life experiences can actually be. 

From there, he & I never spoke again.  And I understand, looking back, why that was the case, although at the time, I certainly did not.

You're Invited To Join Us On Thursdays at 6 PM - Jackson, MS Samson Society Zoom Meeting

Thanks to Mr. Lance Bowser, we had our first Zoom Samson Society meeting last night at 6 PM.  How awesome to have this tech available!  It was enriching and really humbling to see men from our 5 local groups come together via Zoom.  Dare I say, reunion?  It certainly felt like it.

Contact Mr. B. for more info regarding how to join in the online recovery Thursday evenings at 6 PM.

August 22, 2017 - Mr. Nate Larkin & Dr. Tom Moucka paid us a visit.

Suffering Vicariously

I was suffering tremendously when I first stepped into Samson Society.  Shame was my constant shadow.  It was impossible to shake, therefore no amount of "living life" diluted it to any degree.  (I cannot emphasize that enough).  Hence, had a precedent been set personally relative to drug / alcohol use to "drown out" that (or any other) deep seated pain, I have little doubt that would have complicated things that much further for me.

That was August of 2014.  Sometime in October of that same year, I was elated to be serving as a Silas.  For those of you that know me, I'm not at all shy, therefore soon after reaching out to a new guy (who stepped through the door a few months after me), he and I were off and running.

What I wasn't expecting, nor was prepared for, was the emotional weightiness of walking within another man's shame / emotional turmoil vicariously.

I'd had no training as a counselor / therapist.  I was an architect, for pete's sake!  Therefore, my listening / querying this younger man resulted in me venturing into the unknown week after week, and what I found was I WAS NO WHERE NEAR EMOTIONALLY EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THIS WELL.

Therefore, I simply did the best that I could each and every time we'd chat.

In looking back, what was important to that man (based on what I observed) was the following:

-  I listened well.
-  I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
-  I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
-  I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
-  Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.

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When you're in the thick of it as a Silas - serving another man / men, emotional exhaustion can crop up.  If you're like me, I consider it such an honor to serve men, therefore you'll trudge forward regardless.  That being said, some guys - new ones in particular - may "overattach" to their first Silas.  And this is to be expected due to the level of intimacy that's quickly established.  Eventually though, most men who believe firstly in Samson Society itself (and this is key) will expand their horizons relationally.

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What keeps men away from Samson Society is being expected to do what I've described above. 

Here it is again:

-  I listened well.
-  I obviously cared enough to listen (versus just holding the phone to my ear).
-  I never once pushed his call to voicemail (always on relational standby).
-  I always prayed for him before our dialogue concluded, asking specifically for prayer requests.
-  Never expected an opportunity to be directly ministered to in return.

Today, men who are willing to step up and lend their ears are needed more than ever, but be forewarned.  There is nothing easy about it.  No pay.  No benefits.  And (this is the kicker) absolutely zero guarantee that the friendship will be long-term.

So, in other words, there's nothing at all in it for you Bubba.  Except Christian obedience.  Which, I would argue, is what all of us need moreso than anything else.  Because through obedience comes sanctification, which is the ultimate end goal.

Recommended Reading from Ms. Margaret Phillips

https://mailchi.mp/31951122beb5/margarets-musings-onthe-latest-wave-to-hit-the-church-game-of-thrones

2020 Samson Society Retreat. Something To Look Forward To.

Registration link can be found here.  Highly recommended.