I spoke with my freshman roommate (Mississippi State University) yesterday, (2/17) for the first time since last seeing him in '91 (we didn't part ways amiably). Having acquired his cell phone # from our aforementioned rental neighbors, I placed a call on Valentine's Day (don't read anything into that one, please), leaving Chad a detailed voicemail.
Later that night, he text messaged the following response: "Rob, got your message. It made my day. Looking forward to catching up...I'll text tomorrow, and we can talk?"
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Chad was / is from South MS. Very small-town South MS. He was outgoing and kind but also terribly homesick throughout our freshman year. He'd leave Starkville early every Friday (if not Thursday evening) and return late Sunday evening religiously in order to maintain as close contact with his family as possible. As such, I was left alone every weekend, and since I had zero friends, it resulted in some depressing interludes (especially during Spring semester when there were no football games to attend).
Everyone on our dorm hall liked / respected Chad. He was affable and confident. Athletically built and driven. Plus, he had this beautiful smile that could diffuse anyone / any situation effortlessly (& he was almost always smiling).
I, on the other hand, being the architecture student / Maroon Band member, in many ways, was the complete opposite of Chad. First and foremost, I was hard pressed to succeed academically without putting in the work required (I was by no means a gifted student). Architecture school catapults its students into the curriculum thereby making very little room for error. And that's on top of a higher-level math + Physics I & II (Year One). Freehand drawing too was a consistent drain, for drawing well (for Rob) takes lots of time / shouldn't be rushed. As such, each week, we had another detailed drawing assignment to turn in for critique (in front of the entire class).
Chad gave me a lot of space to buckle down, but often I'd use any "I'm too busy" excuse to simply avoid having to interact with him socially (going out to eat, having any semblance of fun). And it wasn't like he was a hellraiser by any means (he couldn't afford to be for he was an engineering major). As a result, eventually, he simply stopped making any effort to include me.
Chad knew I had a quick wit. Plus, he was very curious to know me from the standpoint of being a city slicker. And he saw too that I desperately needed friends (like every student) yet wouldn't admit to it (& therefore try / make time for it).
Therefore, there was this tension or barrier between us. A barrier that I silently, pridefully reinforced throughout our time together. Yet, despite this immature tension, he never hesitated to take a stab at pushing through. Never, 'till the very end of that year, did he completely give up on a potential breakthrough.
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There were a couple of guys on our dorm hall that had unsurprisingly singled me out as a target for ridicule. And, whilst looking back, I made it easy for them. My choice of music (as well as the volume I played it) was so very gay.
I realize now that Chad's sincere respect towards me worked as a shield from far more severe ridicule than I received. Specifically, he never acknowledged my uncomfortableness with my body / voice or choose to exploit that in any way (there was never even a hint of mockery). Instead, he simply chose to be polite / respectful / gentlemanly even.
I think too that he knew deep down that if I seemed agitated (which was commonplace), it was due to my frustration with myself / the workload more than anyone / anything else.
He was a very emotionally mature young man. In fact, he was by far the most emotionally mature male, who happened to be my age, that I'd ever encountered at that stage of my life (late teens).
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Yesterday, Chad and I could have chatted for hours. We did text message after dinner repeatedly, swapping stories to jointly reminiscence. There were a lot of lol moments.
Chad's life, beyond our freshman year, mirrors my own in so many ways. He married right after graduating college, has three kidlets (one of which was a happy surprise), and he resides too within his hometown near his beloved family.
In closing, I can tell you that he's not given up on breaking through. I could sense that yesterday throughout our talk. Chad understandably knows me well. And he's absolutely ready for me to corroborate his intuition. That being said, it's brought back a lot of fear as I wonder what might become of this renewed friendship spark if I'm completely transparent as to who I was then / what I've become today.
2025 is going to be an interesting year as it pertains to this unexpected reconnection. I owe this guy a lot. Please pray for God's timing as we continue forward for such a time as this as middle-aged men.
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