Back around 2007, I befriended an Aussie via the magic of the Internet. Scott & I hit it off immediately, and the friendship endured (with fervor) for +/-18 months (it was an email bonanza as we were both fervent writers).
One of the curious admittances that Scott made to me was his willingness to traverse "over hill & dale" (many kilometers) to have his haircut. Scott was quite scrupulous about his looks, admitting to wanting to achieve "maximum appearance appeal" 24/7/365. It's important to note that the barber he utilized, he was very sexually attracted to, and as such, especially enjoyed the noteworthy "tactile special attention" he received (perceived?) therein.
Overall, (according to Scott) this barber was not at all bashful about touching my Aussie friend (around his head and neck) with just enough delicacy to telegraph that perhaps there was moreso there than just a professional rapport. Was this intentional? And if so, what exactly served as the motive therein for doing so?
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Back in the early 2000s, I found myself working side by side with a number of young architect interns who just happened to be female. One young lady ended up - last minute - on an ad hoc design team with Rob, and once we met our (fast approaching) deadline (we were working on construction documents for a large scale collegiate educational building), I chose to give her a "thank you" note for her hard work. I singled her out in this regard because this was her first large-scale project team effort to be a part of, and she was female. I had enough firsthand knowledge about women to know that they LOVE handwritten notes. So that's how I chose to communicate my sincere thankfulness.
I distinctly remember leaving the small envelope in her office chair after quitting time one day, and every day afterwards, our relationship was never the same.
I could see this clearly in her eyes whenever she and I interacted (post-"thank you" note).
Never again did I attempt to express my professional thanks in this way WITH ANYONE. I became deeply regretful relative to my naive stupidity.
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My barber is around age 60. I have been a patron for decades. The haircuts are exceedingly affordable which I particularly like because my hair grows FAST. In all honesty, I could get my haircut far more than I cyclically do (& no doubt improve my aesthetic consistency).
A number of years ago, my barber's middle child attempted suicide, and due to the various self-inflicted (gunshot) wounds dramatically reduced his quality of life. Eventually, this child died (quite young) as a result of these wounds, but the death was drawn out / very, very slow and as such, agonizing to endure (for he and his family).
My heart broke for my barber. To witness the horror / endure the trauma of seeing one of your children both execute this move / live with the physical ramifications was so, so sad.
Not long after this child's death (it was a private funeral that few individuals were made aware of), I wrote my barber a letter expressing my condolences whilst offering up an overview of my story (my barber had alluded to some personal trials this boy had endured during his childhood). Apparently, this letter was very well received. Enough so that it even sparked some follow-up dialogue (regarding Rob's story) between the two of us, and I was grateful for this.
It's important to note that my barber has unabashedly stated that my letter is "tucked away inside the Bible" where it can be re-read often.
Wow and yikes. That was not my intent.
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Over the past 3-4 times I've had my barber cut my hair, there's noticeably been a more unguarded approach to my barber's interaction with Rob. Especially as it pertains to physical touch. Now, barbers are like surgeons. Their job is to touch their clients (albeit with tools in hand for the most part). But, when you've experienced a longstanding pattern with said barber, and that interaction begins to shift to more intimate and less professional, that's bothersome. Especially when you know you're fulfilling a need (close, longstanding friendship) for / alongside that person.
In response to all this that I've shared up to this point, let me stop here to announce the following:
One of the most important attributes of my job is NOT HAVING ANY COLLEAGUES WHO AREN'T BIO FAMILY.
I work alongside my parents. Eventually, I'll be hiring an employee, but for now, it's simply the three Turners.
I like the safety therein.
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In closing, when I last had my haircut, my barber's touch (whilst rinsing out my hair, post-haircut) wasn't professionally executed. Instead, it was moreso tender and delicate. And because the hair washing sinks are in the "backroom" of the barber shop, there was no one else with us as this occurred.
Am I cursed to become Aussie Scott in this regard? Was I simply reading too much into this / imagining things? Those are pivotal questions in my mind as of late.
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