Restoration
Restoration is the action of returning something (me) to a former owner (God), place or condition. When we speak of restoring a classic car we are talking about returning it to its original condition. As I write these words Hurricane Ida is bearing down on the coast of Louisiana and where I live is right in its inland path. I just received a text message from the power company about power outages and when the power might possibly be restored. This is the restoration of place; putting something back in its proper place.
When we think of restoration in recovery we need to understand that restoration is the return to proper ownership, proper place and proper condition. My group uses the verbiage of acknowledging the fact that despite my sin, I am a restored son of the sovereign Lord. God has restored me to my proper owner, Himself. In my sin, I was seeking to call my own shots, live as if I am the master of my own destiny and live only to please myself. If He indeed is my Lord, then He is my owner. My life is owned by Him. I am restored to my proper place; I am seated at His family table where I can eat in peace even in the presence of my enemies. I am restored to my proper condition. God has an original intent that was circumvented when sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden. That intent was that my condition was to be in unhindered fellowship with Him, where I enjoy His presence and His goodness and as I do this, I bring Him glory.
Repurposed
As I walk through this journey of recovery I feel as if I am being repurposed, that is to say, adapted for use in a different purpose. I once sold an antique dining room hutch that I purchased when I lived in England. The neighbor I sold it to at a garage sale told me she was going to “repurpose” it. Instead of using it as a dining room piece, she planned to paint it, cut a hole in the top and use it as a bathroom vanity. What was originally used for one purpose had changed and it was now serving another purpose.
One of the major questions Christians ask themselves is “What is God’s will for my life?” Even non-Christians wrestle with their meaning and purpose in life. When one finds his why he finds his way. At one time in my life I felt like I had a firm grasp of this. I knew that God intended for me to be a minister who served him in pastoral ministry.
My sin prevented me from completing this purpose for my life. As I have recovered I have come to understand that much of the purpose and intent that I understood God to have for me was my own invention and the expectations others communicated to me as it related to my vocation. He lovingly showed me that the plans that I had for my life in ministry were not the plans he had for me. I expected to “do great exploits” for His kingdom. He simply wanted my obedience. My refusal to obey caused him to have to repurpose his original intention. As I have humbled myself before Him I have been met with (to my great surprise and relief) loving correction rather than judgmental condemnation and punishment.
God’s repurposing is not through a lens of disappointment, but infinite creativity. He is not disappointed in me for having to go to plan B, he is excited to find another use for this vessel. I now find that as I am transparently myself and walk in humility God is glorifying himself as I interact with my brothers on this common journey. I find that having repurposed me, He is getting more glory from my life now than if I had “done the great exploits” I thought I was supposed to do.
Re-engaged
My purpose in writing this is to re engage in a purpose I have always known God had for me. I’ve always known God wanted me to write. I never thought I would write about something like this. But a writer has to write about what he knows. My name is Max, and I’m a recovering sex-addict. I like to say I am a porn survivor. But that diagnosis does not define me. Despite my brokenness I am a redeemed, restored, completely forgiven, beloved son of the Sovereign Lord. My recovery journey continues. I have learned to embrace the idea of “progress, not perfection.” I am free, but sin continues to crouch at the door and temptation never rests. Knowing this, and staying aware of it, helps me to be humble and sober minded.
I wish this were not my story, but it is. It is the truth. My ability to re engage in God’s repurposing of my life involves not trying to hide the fact that this is my story. It involves my willingness to be vulnerable and transparent as I glory in my weaknesses, knowing that is where God shows Himself strong. Now that is something I can really engage in!
Conclusion
I hope you have been blessed and encouraged by the sharing of my story. I don’t share it for any acclaim or affirmation, only because I was seeking to obey what God was showing me to do. That is ALL any of us can ever really do that will be of any eternal value. As I seek to re engage my life in His purposes for me I do so living in the humility of forgiveness and the awareness that temptation is ever present. I acknowledge I am on a path to healing, victory and freedom but on either side of this path is “the ditch.” I could veer into the “ditch of sin” and repeat the cycle of shame, guilt and bondage, or I could fall into the “ditch of self-righteousness” on the other side and enter into sin of a different kind altogether. My desire is to stay balanced and walk humbly with one hand in the hand of the One leading and the other hand reaching out to help others learn to follow Him in this path to freedom.
If I can be of any help to you please reach out to me.
You are loved.
You CAN be free.
It is never too late.
Max Morton
September 2021
maxlmorton24@gmail.com
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