Just how differently (if at all) do you think about / view the world / people around you if you have / do not have (either/or) a college degree? What if your Silas has zero higher education / a college degree but you do have a college degree (or multiple college degrees) / don't have any higher education? How might those opposing demographic descriptors impact your friendship? Knowing what we do of Christian men who find themselves in crisis, Samson Society may very well fit the bill, yet every man is unique. As such, there is no categorical recipe for men to both find themselves within crisis and in turn, step into our community. It is welcome to all. But over time, their demographic will no doubt become a part of their Samson Society narrative. And this is a good thing because that's in line with the spirit of transparency that our community is built upon, but over time, that (specifically demographic) narrative will predictably pigeonhole this man into his specific group.
On a related note, the differentiator between an in-person and virtual Samson Society meeting experience is how much more efficiently those present will find their specific narratives being fleshed out within the in-person format. And this is simply a result of the au natural human-to-human connection, and how prone men are to effectively relate when they're physically present with each other.
My experience with the questions I've posed above harken all the way back to 2014. This is when I first stepped foot into a Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society meeting as a college educated, professionally licensed freak (my story attests to this). At that time, I was more defeated and ashamed than I'd ever been. And just as isolated as I'd found myself one year prior when everything around me began falling apart (job loss due to breaking IT policy at Delta State University).
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Relational tribalism, amongst men of the same demographic / educational background, can (I'm using the word "can" in lieu of "will" because I'm only privy to my own experience) sometimes develop and thrive within the Samson Society. Especially, I would argue, within the Samson Society. And I believe this is due to how prone Samson guys are to being loners. Hence, as such, individual men who gravitate towards isolation may not garner nor divvy out a trustworthy approach - no questions asked. Instead, there tends to be much less of an agnostic relational outlook in spite of the free enterprise verbiage spelled out within the Samson Society charter. Now, relational tribalism, in my opinion, is an extreme form of simply relegating oneself to a specific clique. Considering that truth, be forewarned of how quickly it can set in, efficiently working in favor of a distinctly inbred approach to community.
So we have two factors that I find tend to consistently subdivide the Samson Society community.
1. demographics
2. Samson guy's comfortableness with a specific outlook / state of being (individual isolation) which is prone to subjugate him into cliques (sub-grouped isolation).
I'm going to focus going forward on item number 1 because I'm fascinated by it.
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Five or six years ago, our now present-day church, Lakeside Presbyterian Church, formally voted out (removed) their then Senior Pastor. At the time, we were not members of the church. Instead, we were back at First Baptist Church Jackson (which is where Angie and I grew up and were married). I'd sensed this Presbyterian ouster would eventually come to pass, therefore instead of riding out the emotional / relational rapids at our local community church (Lakeside Pres), we made a discreet exit (back to FBCJ with the hope of an eventual return).
Immediately prior to Lakeside Pres' then pastor's formal ouster, a group of twenty or so families began discreetly rallying around this man, for they saw the writing on the wall. They did so to the point of working with him to seed an entirely new church for their collective. And that did occur, thereby that new church(split) was eventually dubbed "Reigning Grace Church".
Within a few years though, "Reigning Grace Church" imploded. Then the disgraced pastor (& his wife) returned to his roots on the east coast (which is where they came to Mississippi from).
I remember writing this man a short "thinking of you" note (upon his termination from Lakeside Pres), acknowledging the tremendous humiliation involved in a forced termination. Though he and I weren't at all close, I couldn't help but sympathize. For as I referenced earlier, just a few years prior to this schism, I'd been terminated from Delta State University in the most heartless, unprofessional manner conceivable (to me).
I would have never taken the time to write this note though, had I known what was about to transpire in the form of "Reigning Grace Church".
The "church split" that occurred came very close to shuttering Lakeside Presbyterian Church completely. For the church body was already tremendously sad over the procedural hurdles they'd had to go through to decouple their stubbornly complacent pastor. This combined with the recent loss (by suicide) of one of their most accomplished / beloved elders earlier that same year made Lakeside especially vulnerable for such a time as that.
But God sustained this small Reservoir community church through this supernaturally, and today, it is better for it relative to its steadfastness in furthering its local church mission - only.
What's of interest though regarding this "Reigning Grace Church" startup's unforeseen demise has to do with the mundaneness of the item number one listed above - demographics, and the critical role it played therein.
The subset of Lakeside Presbyterian Church families that "rebelled" by decoupling themselves from Lakeside Pres - in protest to the Senior Pastor's termination - were no different demographically than those they left behind. As such, I would argue, their new church faced a great deal of difficulty developing it's own identity / purpose apart from the mothership. Too, the "Reigning Grace Church" chose to locate within an adjacent county / city (Madison) which was demographically decidedly different than Rankin / Reservoir area (where Lakeside Pres resides).
The tale of "Reigning Grace Church" isn't unique. Most (small scale) church splits don't thrive. Instead, they peter out fairly quickly just as this one did. And this is due to the churchsplit's inability to successfully separate itself from its historical identity anchored in demographics. Demographics that are comfortably the same to where they split away from. Petty theological differences usually aren't nearly enough to anesthetize the massive emotional scars left to be healed by a church split. As such, their identity as the "rebels" alone often falls way short of what's needed to kickstart the process of penning their own narrative.
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Now, let's look at another example. One that's just as personally poignant but whose ultimate outcome (well beyond the snippet I'm disclosing here) is the reverse of what I've described above.
Two younger men were invited to the Lakeside Presbyterian Church Samson Society (which I used to facilitate) many years ago by a younger, close friend (who was a regular attendee), and it's important to note that this younger friend just happened / happens to not be within my demographic (which was / is really cool). I'd enjoyed (& still enjoy) his friendship for many years, even serving as his Silas for much of that early-on time period.
The two younger men he invited just happened to be within my demographic, at least relative to higher education. I took note of this immediately, and frankly was pleased to have them there - that much more - due to our demographic similarities.
Now let me stop here and interject something of note.
Part of my modus operandi as a Samson Society group facilitator was to offer to dine / have coffee with newbies immediately following their attendance to their first meeting(s). This was one of the primary reasons I instituted a "Sign-In" page for each meeting, requiring attendees to provide their contact info. Therefore, I did just that with these young men. And both eventually agreed to join me. As such, I vividly recall both meals being well worth the time (& monies) spent. The conversation flowed easily between us as I executed my dental work.
Three to five days after I'd had the opportunity to "roll out the red carpet" via my hospitableness towards these young college-educated Samson Society newbies, something very weird happened. In fact, it was about the most unexpected thing I've had happen to me whilst being part of this community.
My old friend (who'd invited these men to the Lakeside Pres group) and a similarly demographic to him friend of both of ours, approached me in order to question my motives relative to lunching with these newbies. This too occurred over a lunch, and I distinctly recall - after this juncture - beginning to question myself. For the frictional situation I now found myself in was both off putting and extremely confusing.
Ultimately, and I just did not want to formally recognize this all those years ago, what I had found myself caught in the middle of was a territorial, disguised as solely platonic, pissing match. A pissing match that I'd ignorantly provoked simply by following a protocol that I'd established as a Samson Society group facilitator.
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The neighborhood that we call home is somewhat demographically diverse (though getting less & less so with each passing year). I believe I've written about that prior. The homes are small (by 2021 standards) and packed in like sardines within a tightly compacted, nondescript setting. Therefore, it's next to impossible to not know - to some degree - who lives where and what they're up to most of the time.
The youngest single family homeowners on our 11-home cul-de-sac have a daughter about the age of our youngest. As they eventually settled into our enclave over the past three to four years (they very much kept to themselves), I began neighborly engaging with the hopes that they'd eventually dine with us. I like to meet people in an effort to extract their narratives (dental work!), but especially from the standpoint of hopefully furthering the gospel via hospitality. Plus, I just felt so moved to minister to this young family.
Unfortunately, this juncture did not occur. And yet again, it was due to my stupidity relative to naively provoking a pissing match over demographics.
In the end, what I reflexively relayed in jest - to our new neighbors (via text message) - was in no way perceived as such (& I cannot emphasize that enough). And from there, it was all downhill (Black diamond). To the point that soon thereafter, I had to call a family meeting in an effort to warn the girls to steer clear of our neighbors in order to avoid any collateral damage.
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I want all three of my daughters to attend college. Even if they don't necessarily pursue a life that's career-centric. Higher education matures individuals. Particularly if you can endure the pain required to complete it.
But, I'm biased. And so is Angie. In the end, there are plenty of folks out there who have a completely different point of view than we do about higher education. And most of those have zero higher education experience. And that's perfectly okay.
The point of this post isn't to argue for or against higher education. The point here is to attempt to begin to unpack the long-term relational complexities involved in bringing all manner of men-in-crisis together within the Samson Society. Men from various demographic backgrounds who are committed to this very special ministry.
It's so interesting to me how despite Samson guys' various religious backgrounds / beliefs, those never seem to subtly complicate things as much as demographics have the potential to. I have to wonder if this is the case in other parts of world where various meetings are hosted.
In the end, I find that it's really, really difficult to maintain one foot equally on each side of the railroad tracks without running the risk of getting run down by the train. And this makes my heart sad. Demographics do play a significant role in synchronizing narratives (bringing likeminded men together) which is the ultimate goal of relational accountability, and it sucks to have to admit to this.
Relational accountability though is the heart of Samson Society NOT the synchronization of every man's narrative.
I would argue that finding relational accountability within a diverse friendship is / will be a far more precious experience, and as such, should be revered / cherished / protected to the nth degree.
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