A sweet, devout Christian lady that Angie and I both love dearly (who also has one of the most affable, sunny dispositions) shared with us many years ago how her oldest son had politely rebuked her for teaching men outright within an adult (couples) Sunday School class at church, and as a result, she then respectfully yielded the teaching to her husband. Whilst ruminating on that disclosure, after the fact, my wife and I both assumed this lady and her spouse had been a fairly young married couple during that time. And I thought that to be particularly interesting, seeing how at that point, they were both well into their retirement years.
If you knew "Miss Mary Jane" (as most everyone calls her) from First Baptist Church Jackson as Angie and I do, you'd see sharp intellect, biting humor, and effective communication skills all emanating from a beautiful soul. Had she been reared say in the 1980s versus the 1930 / 1940s, she'd likely have pursued a profession well in advance of maître d at her husband's Jackson restaurant.
Yet, her Christianity was resolute. Moreso than culture, and absolutely in line with taking into account the importance of her role as the submissive wife - both behind the scenes and within her entire family's sphere of influence.
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At the outset of my career as an architect and as a young, newly married husband, I began keeping a list of women I "thanked my lucky stars" to not be betrothed to. Many of these ladies were married at the time, but my adjudication had nothing to do with their perceived roles as wives (which I certainly wasn't privy to). Instead, it all boiled down to what I deemed as a submissive feminine heart or lack thereof. And in all fairness, I've no doubt there are plenty of ladies (including some of these that I'd qualified) who kept a similar spousal black list (which I too was no doubt on).
Growing up within a household where my mother ruled the roost, I began to question our family's roots of this Biblically backwards setup, and from there, I didn't have to look too far into the past. Both of my grandparents' marriages had an identical hierarchy, therefore my assumption is my father and mother both found familial comfort in each other, even as teenagers, relative to what the notion of committing to each other long term might look like (based on their collective heritages).
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The Bible is clear on the topic of husband / wife hierarchical roles. The apostle Peter wrote about it plainly enough. Therefore, as a result, I believe it can and may very well discourage women, whilst taken into account singularly, and as such may very well do the following.
1. Encourage a number of women to stay unmarried (which ironically is the MOST EFFECTIVE position to be in as a believer for either sex).
2. Promulgate the notion of women staying at arms length from Christianity (which is very troubling), but specifically to certain books / authors of scripture (New Testament / Peter).
Why is the topic of the submissive wife stigmatized here in 2021?
Firstly, let me say this. The gilded / celebrated / elevated notion of marriage is arguably ubiquitous within western culture (other than amongst blacks who conversely elevate singleness over betrothal), therefore as it (marriage) pertains to both the needed respect for husbands and the needed security for wives, direct teachings relative to submission of the female (& deep seated honor of the wife by the husband) is, in my mind, pragmatic and therefore helpful.
But Biblical teaching on marriage is often seen as too much of a polarizing topic for the church to teach / preach upon. As such, many women who find themselves leaning into reaction #1 may very well benefit from seeking to obtain a clear understanding of the Biblical overview regarding the Bible's position. And similarly, those who are in line with reaction #2 likely would benefit from gaining a clear picture of the apostle Peter's specific audience as well as the cultural circumstances of his day.
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Within a Christian marriage, what response should his wife give if her husband demands that she deactivate her Facebook account (after the topic has been discussed between the two)?
A. Her (& his) Facebook accounts are deactivated
B. Her (& his) Facebook accounts are deactivated, yet she reactivates hers the following day
C. Her Facebook account isn't deactivated but his is
Within a Christian marriage, what response should her husband give if his wife demands that he install Covenant Eyes on both his home & work PC as well as his laptop and pocket computer (essentially every device he has browsing access to)?
A. He complies with her request to its fullest
B. He complies with her request partially
C. He tells her to butt out
Aren't those fun questions? Not really fair relative to the direction I've been headed within this post, but designed to make you think about you yourself and (possibly) your own marriage. I believe how you choose to answer these says a lot about your marriage as well as the handling of these specific topics as a couple. Consider them bonus content for you to explore.
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Let's segue now to discussing pagan(ish) marriage. That being one where the governance is either 50 / 50 or where the wife is the head.
I go back to what I stated earlier. Respect and security should be our datums here, particularly as Christians but also as pragmatists. Men typically crave the former and women demand the latter. How do you cross pollinate both of these effectively unless you abide by what the Bible clearly decrees about marriage?
Me not really sure. Especially when you throw in the whole notion of being one flesh (again, as the Bible says). There's just so much practicality here, and for me personally, it just makes sense.
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Earlier this week (likely Tuesday), I made the assumption that Covenant Eyes was somehow interfering with my browser (work PC) whilst attempting to move some data over (very un)seamlessly relative to an important work project I was focused on. Therefore, after working with the IT help desk regarding this online hiccup, I chose to pull the plug on Covenant Eyes by calling their IT help for an uninstall passcode. Over the past 7 years of having Covenant Eyes on my desktop PC, I've only done this perhaps one other time.
By yesterday (I chose to forego reinstalling CE as my work on this project was ongoing throughout the week), I was unable to resist the temptation to look at porn, therefore it didn't take me long to find a handful of gay porn videos that exemplify what turns Rob on. All thanks to the power of Internet search engines.
Yet whilst looking back regretfully on that today, relative to this discovery no doubt chronicling some intensely passionate (key word) gay sex, nonetheless I absolutely found it to be so very forced and abnormal. Therefore, in spite of the passion, the gay sex was in no way representative of those two aforementioned words played out by male / female.
As such, based on what I've observed through the years, gay porn works to simulate straight sex narratives to a tee, but none of it ever translates sans the inevitable distortion.
Here's a quick summary of my viewpoint relative to the seeds of straight sex, with this being my attempt to point this back to what the Bible again states so clearly relative to the roles of wives and husbands.
I see vaginal intercourse is encouraged by the wife as an act of securedness in her husband. Conversely, the husband actively seeks to penetrate his wife whilst feeling her respect / love throughout. And that's a damn near perfectly beautiful picture of Christ and his church.
Obviously, this is an ideal sexual scenario / situation that I've described here, and yes, I do believe those can and do occur within marriage when relational health is at its peak.
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In the end, positioning the husband to lead is a risky approach to marriage hierarchy. And that is a true statement. Men are not perfect, and they're far from saints by default. Were I female, these Biblical appointments alone would likely amount to providing ample fodder relative to Roberta (me) steering clear of ever getting hitched. But, the Bible does clearly appoint the husband as the lead / head, and the church needs to be teaching this truth no holds barred. Taking that role then into account, what can be done to shore up his leadership role? To put it another way, how do we buttress him as such, within such an important role?
If he's a guy like me, he needs to be part of a Samson Society group either face-to-face or virtual. From there, he needs to eventually select a Silas. The commitment he's made to his Biblical marriage will no doubt benefit from it.
As an aside, I did reinstall Covenant Eyes on my desktop PC before leaving work on Friday afternoon, and in tandem with that, I pinged my Silas to become my soon-to-be third Covenant Eyes' Ally. As of this weekend, he's now setup to receive Covenant Eyes' robo-emails on my behalf. Including those which notify when an uninstall code has been utilized. His passion for my holiness will no doubt benefit me as he serves to keep an eye on what Covenant Eyes' consistently reports.
As the Biblical head of the Turner household, I simply cannot rely exclusively on myself regarding Internet browsing. There's too much responsibility baked into the Biblical role of husband / father to compromise.
In closing, if you ever read this, Miss Mary Jane, thanks for your candor.
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