Last year, I was at a club supporting a band I used to mix pretty regularly. Being a Christian inside of the secular music scene is problematic, but outside of my trailer park mouth (cussing), I do pretty good with all the chaos associated with the environment. During the band break, one of the band members came up to me very drunk and started telling me how there were so many women in the club that wanted to give him sexual favors that "it makes my world look like preschool". I laughed it off; it’s not the first time I’ve had some drunk insult me in such a way. As such, I’m pretty numb to it all. Saying something stupid and rude like that just goes with the territory of the club scene. Chances are he probably didn’t even remember it the next day. It’s the world I live in, being the only sober guy in the room most of the time. I don’t usually stay long when things are that crazy. But my business is all about networking, so it is what it is.
Tuesday, February 7, 2023
"Preschool Life" - JR Everhart
His statement did make me stop and think about "my little preschool world". I remember being that guy on stage - drunk and the center of attention. I’ve had more sex with more women than any two men I know, my drunk friend included. Lol. But I willingly walked away from that life to seek sanity. I gave so much of myself to all the women around me that I got lost. I had compromised most of my core values and done things that still haunt me with guilt and shame to this day. I didn’t like the guy in the mirror anymore. Hell, I didn’t even know the guy in the mirror! My life was driven by the next sexual high, and I chased it with everything in me. It was my alter that I worshipped at daily. I had no peace or harmony in my life; it was all about the chase. The ritual of it all.
Nothing got my motor running more than being able to manipulate a woman into my power. Control her and enslave her to my will. I’d play games with them, and make them do all sorts of foul and evil things to prove their devotion to me. I was the worst of the worst. And I didn’t care if they were married to a buddy of mine or was a sweet innocent girl next door. My goal was to conquer her and make her my own. These things are demonic at their core. I was an instrument of Satan's will, and the darker-things-got, the more satisfaction I got from it all. But all this came with a very high price.
I couldn't live this way without God's conviction knocking at my door every day. Even in my darkest times, I could still hear Jesus calling my name. The amount of energy it takes to ignore his voice is exhausting. I hated who I was and wished for death daily. I was entirely lost with no will to change. It took a complete mental breakdown for me to reach the bottom that would become the foundation of my recovery. This process of change was very hard to walk out, and it took months to get up on my sober legs in any kind of measurable way. So, as I stood there in that club watching my friend live out a life I once knew, I had no shame and took no offense to his insult. I’ve worked hard to have my peaceful little preschool life. At least I was single when I was in the darkest days of my addiction. This compadre is married with a son that worships him. And so, the sins of the father will probably fall on the shoulders of the son. It’s such a vicious cycle… God help us all…
Monday, February 6, 2023
Sunday, February 5, 2023
Thanks Silas 2.0 (& 1.0)!
I learned firsthand from Silas 2.0 how critical it is for me to connect (relational accountability) with men who're like me but who also embody portions of my ideal (masculine archetype).
Here are some specifics:
Silas 2.0 embodied a small-town Mississippi vernacular. Being reared therein, his thick southern drawl readily confirmed his upbringing. My roots are somewhat similar, having all my people within the Mississippi Delta town of Belzoni (in spite of the fact that I primarily grew up in the suburbs of Jackson). And for the record, all of these men sound(ed) like Barney Fife when they speak.
Silas 2.0 dedicated himself to physical fitness in order to maximize his sex appeal. This is by no means the norm for Mississippi men. Most are only involved in fitness regimens (if at all) in order to combat their many other unhealthy habits (drinking, overeating, sedentary lifestyle). This was not the case for Silas 2.0. His secondary / collegiate sports experience laid the groundwork relative to his dedication to fitness (as well as his good looks), but unlike so many Mississippi men, it no doubt carried forward into adulthood. I would be shocked to ever see Silas 2.0 not in peak physical condition, whether he's in his early 40s, 50s & beyond.
I too am dedicated to fitness for vanity's sake. Though I wasn't athletic in school, I came to quickly appreciate how it could substantially improve my appearance once I dove in (& established a clear-cut, longstanding routine in my mid-30s).
I've never grown a substantial, statement-making beard and no one (except my drug addicted uncle) within my family of men has either. Silas 2.0 at times had a very short, cleanly trimmed beard, but for the most part, it wasn't there permanently. A beard to me is like a partial mask, and I don't like masks (on myself or others).
Silas 2.0 spoke deeply with a baritone timbre that was impossible to miss. What a dominating voice he had! Because he was as chatty as he was, I always had the pleasure of listening to lots of it (in spite of my ears bleeding at times).
My voice is very unique. I've grown to like its uniqueness (standout), but I much prefer listening to baritone voices like Silas 2.0 had. In fact, they're one of my most favorite things in this life.
-------------------------
As you progress through your recovery, you're going to have the opportunity to learn an awful lot about yourself, how influenced you can / cannot be & why via your relationship with your Silas(es). Over time, that knowledge - inevitably - is going to impact / optimize your choice(s) for future Silases (both consciously and unconsciously).
Silas 1.0, for Rob, was all about me learning how to recover alongside a Silas (process). But he and I were quite different overall. So much so that it didn't take long for me to realize that we'd eventually grow apart (which we most certainly did) no matter how much we invested in each other.
I still have a lovely photo of Silas 1.0 and I (from 2016) next to my monitor on my desk at work. It serves as a reminder of the importance of that very first Samson Society Silas relationship and how groundbreaking it was.
As a sidenote, I have zero remaining photos of Silas 2.0. Instead, my focus has now turned to men who're currently supporting me in kind. In so many ways, it's through images of these that I can best look back and see Silas 2.0 and all the goodness our relationship represents to me both then and now.
-------------------------
In closing, there's one other ideal / attribute for Rob that's manifested itself fairly consistently within my Silas relationships, and that is pursuit. As strange as it may sound, I've never had to ask a Samson guy to be my Silas. Instead, he's (these aforementioned Samson men) in essence pursued me. In fact, Silas 2.0 was bold enough to actually ask me "Do you have a Silas?" out of concern.
How has this pursuit manifested itself?
Through service (towards these men). Lots and lots of service. That combined with intuition helps tremendously.
What goes around comes around. This is moreso true within Samson Society than within any other ministry I've ever been a part of.
Saturday, February 4, 2023
Friday, February 3, 2023
Here's Your Link for Saturday's (2/4) Samson Meeting Host Training
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)