Recommended Reading

‘In Faithfulness You Have Afflicted Me’ | Desiring God

Recommended Listening

Honoring The Mother Ship's (First Baptist Church Jackson) Cherished '70s / '80s' Pastor - Dr. Frank Pollard - 3/05/78 transcript

 

Recommended Reading

A Wife No Man Would Want: Lessons from the Hardest Marriage | Desiring God

Electricity

Platonic attraction is like an electrical current between two guys.  Considering that, pride (& subsequently envy) will short circuit that charge instantly.

To expound on that last sentence:  if you aren't 100% thankful to be in this other guy's life, and as such, have the spotlight completely on him and what he brings to your life, that electricity between you two will diminish.  As such, eventually, it may very well cease, and if you're like me, the friendship will be difficult to maintain from there because...  

I'm of the opinion that dutiful friendships are for everywhere else but Samson Society.

A warning:  pride births posturing between men.  And I'm not referring to natural pecking orders when I say pride.  I'm referring to those subtle feelings that you're all-in-all better (smarter, wiser, faster, sexier, etc.) than the other man.  In opposition to that is envy which is pride's kissing cousin.  And we all know how envy works.

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As Christian men, we cannot deny our roles as Christian when we're serving other men platonically.  As such, this is our foundation as Samson men.  It's what binds us together - with always the goal in mind to recover.  Because recovery aligns us with Christ and his will for our lives whilst allowing us to see clearly who we are as his adopted son(s).  

I mentioned in an earlier post, my youngest daughter, Laura, and I screened the 2017 film Jungle.  Midway through that film, there's a scene between two of the main characters (young, adventurous men) where one reassures the other that "their friendship will not be impacted by their present (dire) circumstances".  He goes on to say that "everything will return to as it was before" (once their situation has returned to normal).  As you're watching this, there's no doubt that these lies are being spoken out of decency and politeness.   

And we Christians do this reflexively because it's hard to admit to attraction diminishing / ceasing altogether (circumstances being what they are).

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In closing, I'm of the opinion that electricity between Samson guys is an indicator of potential compatibility.  

Pay attention to it.  You may have identified - emotionally - a Samson guy who's garnering the goods needed in regard to motivating change IN YOU.  (Change is hard.) 

"Faith It 'Till You Make It" - Mr. Max Morton

That is the philosophy I lived under most of my life. I was weighed down by the expectations of others and desperately seeking acceptance and validation by my performance. Driven by my poor self-image I lacked confidence in what I thought I was supposed to be or know or do. So, for the most part I faked it. 

This was long before “Fake it ‘til ya make it” was a slogan, but I was the poster-boy for this ideal. I wasn’t sure what “making it” entailed, so I just continued to fake it, hoping that someday as I stayed ahead of being found out for the fake I really was, I would somehow make it–whatever that meant.

Where I didn’t know what to do in a certain situation, I faked it. When I didn’t know what others were expecting me to know I faked it. In my relationships, in my work, in my relationship with God, I faked it. You know what this made me? A fake.

I hid my authentic self from others for fear that they would reject me when they found out who I really was; what I didn’t know; what I couldn’t do. I really wanted people to accept me and validate me, but I thought I had to achieve this standard that was impossible to achieve, at least to my way of thinking, and living.

I also hid my authentic self from God. Deceived into thinking I could somehow fool Him I pretended to be someone I really wasn’t, as if He didn’t already know. I tried to serve Him to gain His good graces. I tried to live up to others' expectations of what sort of Christian I should be thinking that this would give me favor with Him. I really wanted His acceptance, and to feel His pleasure with me.

As I journeyed down the road of recovery, I began to discover that there were people, broken like me, who would allow me to be my authentic self. They accepted me in spite of my failures, my facades and my (insert F word of your choice here) -ups. As I began to get more and more honest with myself and share this in a safe environment, I began to receive healing from God. I slowly began to realize that the acceptance I sought I already had. He began to show me His pleasure with me as I cautiously lowered my mask and shared my broken self with others.

The more I did this the freer I became. Much to my surprise, I discovered that my vulnerability to share my brokenness not only set me free but helped others. That’s what I had been trying to do all along as I faked it. Now, the pleasure I sought to feel from God I found in my honesty. I discovered He loved me, not for who I could be for Him, not the mighty exploits I could do for Him, but because He loved me. He loves me when I do good, and string together stints of sobriety from my addiction. He loves me the same when I act out. He loves me not because of what I do; He loves me because that’s who He is. He is LOVE. And that applies to me.

Now I have a new slogan to live by: “Faith it ‘til you make it.”

I may not have the answers, I may not be able to do what someone else can do, I will never be able to live up to the expectations of others, but I am His. He loves me and has justified me–declared me to be in right standing with Him just as if no sin had ever occurred. Romans 1:17b says, “The just shall live by faith.” So, I am just, and I shall live by faith. I will “faith it ‘til I make it.” I will believe God for who He is and what He has promised me. I will believe I am who He says I am. 

I am resolved to “faith it ‘til I make it.” 

What does "making it" mean? Success? Getting into heaven? Happy marriage? How do we know when we’ve made it? I believe I already have made it. Knowing this love, living in this freedom, believing Him is all the “make it” I need.

"Letter To My Addiction" - JR Everhart

You entered my life as a 3-year-old child when I was helpless to understand the weight of your actions in me.  You stole my innocence, like a thief in the night.  And then brain washed me into thinking love could only be had through the act of sexual connection.  Throughout my childhood you taught me your evil ways.  The language of sexual manipulation.  You polluted my mind with every form of sexual desire and perversion.  Even in the face of honest change you refused to let go and led me around like a lost little puppy dog always promising satisfaction but never satisfying.  You distorted my phycological development before I even knew what that was.  I WAS JUST A LITTLE KID!  I didn’t deserve the sexual abuse and manipulation I had to live through.  I was an innocent little child just trying to fit into a highly dysfunctional family.  I just wanted to feel special and loved!  I needed that more than anything, and you knew that and used it to manipulate me into doing horrible sex acts for just a flake of attention and validation.  So much so I started pursuing the sexual abuse to feel loved or to feel anything at all.  You had me so blind that I thought I was doing something cool and special.  You told me that pleasing my abusers would make me worthy of love. When all I was doing was giving my abusers exactly what they wanted, and you stood there laughing at me the whole time.  I had no idea that this was laying a foundation of addiction in my life.  I didn’t even realize how wrong all this abuse was until I was in high school.  I thought everyone’s family was like this.  That sex was just a normal way for teenagers to show love and attention to the younger children around them.  I never had a chance to be a kid and develop normal boundaries taught to me by supportive parents.  My parents were lost themselves; how could they ever help me be something them themselves didn’t understand. 

Then I grew up to just turn into my abusers.  Except my victims were adult broken women with daddy issues.  I understood their brokenness well and became very good at manipulating them to pursue me for the abuse, the same way my abusers manipulated me to pursue them night after night.  I was addicted to the power I wielded over them.  I made some of them get on their knees and worship me like I was their god.  That was you in me, I felt it all the time while having sex with these women.  I was a control junkie and loved to make them do things they would never do otherwise.  I became a master manipulator just like you taught me.  I had no idea how to even talk to a woman without laying some foundation of seduction.  I was completely out of control, and you were steering the truck right over the cliff!  I hate you for all that!  I suffered for decades under enormous guilt, shame, and depression because of the things I did while under your control.  I didn’t even identify as a sex addict till I was almost 40 years old. All those years you stole from me…  The best years of my physical life! 

I even preached your gospel of sexual freedom and open mindedness to my daughters which caused unmeasurable pain in their lives.  You promised me validation and acceptance, but only brought me death and decay.  Through your lies, scales grew over my eyes so that I was blind to see the effects of my living on those around me.  You tainted every female I touched with your poisonous doctrine of pleasure.  I controlled them with promises of intimacy and connection when I myself was paralyzed to feel any emotion other than pleasure.  And when I was done with them, I threw them away like the weekly trash.  You ruined my reputation for years and I was blind to it all.  You stole my ability to see right and wrong correctly. 

I gave up so much at the alter of your religion of pleasure.  It cost me 3 marriages, and relationship after relationship.  It made me a horrible boyfriend, husband, father, and friend.  You force fed me shame by the truck loads, and you robbed me of any peace or harmony in my life.  I can’t begin to count the holidays I spent alone because of the destruction you caused in my family.  Yet I chased your empty promises of contentment over and over.  You told me, “all you need is more intensity, more connections with loose women, weighed down by various lusts…”  Every one of those toxic women took a bite out of me until there was nothing left but an empty shell of a man, limping through life like a heroin addict looking for his next fix.  Nothing satisfied, and nothing made your voice of accusations go away.  After decades of torment, you finally broke me down to nothing.  I had a complete mental breakdown and hit rock bottom. 

Even after starting down the road to my recovery, the biggest struggle for years was to not feel like a complete loser with no track record of good.  It’s hard to feel like I have any self-worth looking back at all I’ve done to the ones I loved.  I’ve lived my worst nightmare over and over alone and without anyone to love me.  All I ever wanted was to be with someone that would love me in spite of my junk and not abandon me.  I’ve never had that in my life.  And anytime someone would want to even try and love me, I wouldn’t let them, and would push them away.  As a result of that, I'd end up feeling like I don’t know why people won’t love me back???  It’s insanity in its purest form, based out of your hellish confusion and chaotic tactics to control me.

I HATE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID TO ME!  For the person you made me into.  For the pain and sorrow, you’ve caused me for decades!!!  For making me into someone that would hurt those I loved most.  For all the anger you gave birth to in my life.  For the countless nights I laid wishing for death without the courage to kill myself.  It took half my life to even be able to see clearly enough that I could finally choose to be something different than who you told me I was.  You are a liar and a thief!  A heartless demon from the lowest pits of hell.  I have to live with the shame of my decisions and choices I made while under your control.

Well, NO MORE!!  I have spent the last ten years trying to make amends for all the harm I’ve done to my family, friends, and myself.  The deeper I dig, the more I find, but I am now learning to love myself for the first time in my life and refuse to give you one more ounce of who I am.  From this point forward, I will know my self worth and respect myself for the goodness of God that now shines through me.  You will no longer make decisions for me or dictate my life.  I will seek God's holiness, and when I fall, refuse to believe your accusations and lies of defeat.  NO MORE SATAN!!  Your grip over me is canceled and broken by the blood of Jesus Christ!  I AM FREE!  I am free to choose love over lust, and to choose emotional intimacy over sex.  I choose to believe that I am enough!  That I am a good person with a lot to give this dark world of death and decay.  I will proclaim my freedom to anyone and everyone around me.  I will wage war against sex addiction on every front.  There will be no corner you can hide in that I won’t find you and send you back to hell where you came from. You have no power over me anymore, and you will be defeated by the power of the Holy Spirit!!! 

God, I pray you strengthen me and break me free of this spirit of addiction in every form and fashion.  I pray you continue to open my eyes to truth and establish me as your devout and faithful servant.  Thank you, Lord for never giving up on me.  For calling out to me while I was lost in the dark carnival of my addiction.  For reaching for me even when I was trying to walk away from you. For loving me when I couldn’t even love myself.  Your grace and mercy have saved me a million times over.  Thank you, Lord, thank you so very much!!!  I look forward to the day I enter heaven and can look you in the eye, free of shame, and tell you all about the victory’s I had on earth because of your great love for me.  I am the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus.  To God, and God alone, be all the glory forever and ever, amen. 

Lagniappe