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Tuesday, December 24, 2024
Do You Fear God?
When I began to realize how deliberately indulging lust was (at the precipice of middle school), this is when I began to truly fear God. Up until then, I had no real reason to fear him, though I did believe he existed and that our world had been / continued to be ordered via his will.
My bio father was an enforcer of rules within our home, though most of those were unspoken expectations that simply centered around me being obedient to my parents' commands (sans any sardonic commentary). As I aged, he understandably pulled back therein (in proportion to my teenage emotional retreat), becoming more and more distant as any sort of active guidepost / leader within my life (he was consistently present / reliably routine).
Therefore eventually, my then new fear of God also morphed into need. That being direction for not only managing my depravity but for my life overall. For my penchant for lust was only ramping up / becoming more pervasive as a go-to private entertainment escape.
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We've had the good fortune to spend some quality time with new friends over the holidays. One of the distinct differences that I've clued into therein is the lack of God fear within these lovely human beings. And as a Christian, this is hard for me to relate to. For I begin wondering, am I more depraved than most, or is this simply tied to me attempting to be God (judge) with or without any true accuracy (or some combination therein)?
I read my Bible regularly. I pray regularly. I enjoy both of these things immensely. Right now, I'm reading through the book of Ezekiel. In fact, I just finished chapter 23. If you've never read Ezekiel 23, it's essentially a brutally descriptive / explicitly pornographic allegory of two people groups / physical places and God's utter disgust with their chronic debauchery (lack of fear).
In tandem with this, I'm undergoing some very intense personal recovery work right here during the holidays. Recovery work inspired by some of Mr. Andrew Bauman's teachings at the '24 Samson Summit.
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In closing, church is really important to me as well. Why? Because of its representation as Christ's bride combined with all the good (that I've experienced) from being involved within a local body of believers. Much of the book of Acts focuses on the early Christian church. If you're a Bible-loving Christian, wouldn't you work hard to find / invest within a local church (even if you're single) that serves you / allows you to serve others well?
I'm certainly not anymore depraved than the average Joe, but I am much more prone to ruminate on this part of myself (I have to believe).
At times, a deep-seated sense of worthlessness has taken root, over the years, as a result of this.
Were I less inclined to follow This Path, I don't believe fear would ever reside within the same sentence as God, therefore I'm very much at peace with remembering my need for salvation and, in turn, how deliberately rebellious my heart can be as any sort of almanac for my life.
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