Accessing Porn In Utah Is Now a Complicated Process That Requires a Picture of Your Face (vice.com)
Wednesday, May 3, 2023
"Isolated Darkness" - JR Everhart
Sometimes love is lost inside our selfish pride. Sometimes that pride writes checks that we don’t have the emotional dexterity to cash. Sometimes we stand over the battlefield of injured people who suffered at our hands of narcissistic dysfunction, and there’s nothing we can do to ease their pain. The damage is done and it’s so bad for them that they can’t even stomach having one more conversation with. Realizing all this creates pain and suffering in your own life that's intensely personal. An amends only goes so far and has no guarantee of reconciliation. Also, some individuals are so broken from our actions, they will never receive our apologies. Thus, our sincere regret only falls on deaf ears. Sometimes, the damage is final, and you just have to live with the guilt, shame, and paralyzing loneliness that comes with a broken clumsy life. Some things will never be fixed…
But after a time of grieving, this does not have to mark the rest of our lives. You can make room for forgiveness even when you yourself don’t believe you deserve it. It takes time to get to a place of healing and restoration; it is a long hard road of potholes and uncomfortable growth. Many of us hurt so deeply that we welcome the guilt, shame, and suffering because we feel like we deserve it. We subconsciously wish to suffer, as a penance towards the pain we caused our family and wives. But this is a counterfeit sacrifice of Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice for our sins at Calvary. In our sick and twisted minds, we somehow believe that we're expected to pay the price for our transgressions. Yes, we will suffer for the poor decisions we’ve made, but choosing to live in that self-sacrificial state is in direct conflict with Jesus’ work on the cross. A work that God's grace bought for us by his death and resurrection. Choosing to stay down, bathing in that sorrowful / regretful pain is sometimes as addictive as the sin itself. For some of us, that pain becomes our identity and imprints itself on our emotional DNA. It tells you that you’ll never be free of it, and will likely never find happiness again. These are lies of the enemy whose only purpose is to hold you down and rob you of any joy in your life. THIS IS NOT GOD'S WILL!
God is always turning what was meant for evil into good. He is always inside the dark carnival of our lives masterfully pulling his good purpose out of our struggles. Throughout, we must learn to reach out for help and let him love us. Man, that can be hard when we don’t feel like we deserve love anymore. I’ve been there, and always describe my walk with Christ as him loving me even when I didn’t know how to love myself. It’s a process, taking considerable time to open up and learn to love yourself again. Even when you don’t have much of any self-worth left. If we will embark by faith, he will heal our wounds and teach us how to love ourselves again. I’m writing this having walked every road I've since written about. I've lived through long seasons of self-hatred. It’s easy to get stuck there because the enemy is really good at making us see how we deserve this suffering. Sin will always bear witness with our flesh the same way grace and forgiveness bears witness with our spirit. The enemy knows this, and if he can keep you in a flesh-level of thinking, it will always feel like you deserve to be there (stay down). The only way out of this pit is to hijack your focus and start digging into God's word, thereby re-identifying yourself to the Holy Spirit / God's truth. It’s easy to believe you deserve pain when all you can see is the pain you’ve caused others. That’s flesh level thinking. But once you own your mistakes and make amends (to the best of your ability), it’s time to start believing that your past doesn’t dictate / define your present & future. Just because you make big mistakes in the past doesn’t mean you’ll do that again. Especially if you're active in programs that support healthy living.
Learning to love myself again was and is the hardest part of my recovery. I still, at times, get stuck in a mindset of regret and depression. But now, I refuse to stay there. Life is a rollercoaster, and we have to ride it even if we are scared of heights. But there is hope for a better tomorrow so long as we don’t let the shame of yesterday rob us of it. God once spoke to me and asked me why I couldn’t love myself the same way he loves me. Why can’t I be kind and gentle and longsuffering with the mistakes I make / made and just forgive myself the way he has forgiven me? It was a game changing my thought process that lead me to restoration. Choose today my friends, to let go of the pain and step into freedom in Christ Jesus.
Tuesday, May 2, 2023
Monday, May 1, 2023
Sunday, April 30, 2023
Thursday, April 27, 2023
You've Been Active Within Samson Society One Year, Where Do You Go From Here?
I believe the first item to consider regarding your involvement within this unique parachurch men's ministry is your own personal wiring. Are you at all wired to give of yourself? If so, moving forward with Samson Society (meetings, retreats, serving other men as a Silas, etc.) absolutely will be smooth sailing / no doubt blessed by God. If you're not the giver other guys are, it may be best to consider changing your approach. Also, are you / have you remained comfortable with the format of the meetings? If so, you're in good company. I've been involved in Samson Society since 2014 and the format hasn't changed (though there are a handful of Samson sub-type formats now available). If none of these suits your fancy, there're plenty of other parachurch men's ministries that offer other meeting formats. I'd encourage you to explore those going forward (versus stepping out of recovery completely).
To expound on my first question:
Example: You're the Samson guy who's not shared his (summarization) story with anyone within this community of men (over the course of one year), and you're constantly regurgitating (repeating) your travails ad nauseum relative to your continued plight. And you see nothing awry with either of these facts...
Too, you've not asked anyone for their story / actively worked to honestly befriend other Samson men.
If this is you, you're likely not a giver. And that's okay. Perhaps it best that you consider moving on in order to make room for someone else. I'm of the opinion that Samson Society is primed for men who give freely of themselves.
I realize that may sound harsh, but this community isn't a good fit for every man. Plus, timing is everything. Hence, you may not be positioned as of late to give.
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Secondly, considering your "giving spirit" (we're making that assumption going forward), now that one year has passed, what can you now do / feel prepared to do relative to utilizing that giving spirit (on behalf of the community) that you could not have done at your outset?
Example: You recognize where you're at with your own personal recovery enough to "branch out" and engage with new and fresh Samson groups (face-to-face / virtual). Or, you choose to support Samson Society by facilitating a group. Or, YOU BEGIN FINANCIALLY SUPPORTING SAMSON SOCIETY VIA A MONTHLY GIFT.
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Thirdly, you obtain a Silas.
I myself didn't obtain my first Silas 'till 16 months into my Samson Society involvement (though I began serving as a Silas very early on).
There's a lot of chatter about arbitrarily choosing another Samson guy to be your Silas at the outset, but it's malarkey. I wouldn't attempt that approach.
Silas relationships are built solely on attraction. Attraction between Samson men is built on respect. Respect is a broad term. Men usually respect each other based on aspiration / shared interests & goals. It takes time for attraction to be recognized as distinct combined with time to muster the courage to ask another man to be your Silas. Now that one year has passed, it's time to do just that.
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Fourthly, you need to take stock. If you started this journey by challenging yourself to attend (90) Samson Society meetings in (90) days or somesuch, that's all well and good. But now that one year has passed, you need to stop and think about what your needs are going forward.
Because Samson Society is jam-packed with Type A extroverts, you're likely going to hear plentiful amounts of commentary regarding "what you need to do next", but this is all horseshit. There's no set order of operation within this ministry. That's why it offers so much continually (& on repeat).
Perhaps it's time for you to throttle back on meetings? Maybe it's time for you to write you story. Perhaps it's time for you to attend the National Retreat, begin actively listening to the Pirate Monk podcast, reading recommended books, attending an Intensive weekend. And on and on...
Take stock.
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Lastly, and this one's depressing to cite, you've got to stick with your guns relative to why you're here (you're here for your recovery).
Samson Society has a sister org dubbed "The Sarah Society". Modeled after Samson Society, it was established to serve wives of Samson guys. Unfortunately, it's been rife with interpersonal conflict (gossip) that's impacted its effectiveness.
Having been a part of this community of men for one year, you've now officially "been around the block" with a posse of broken men. You've met with them weekly (sometimes on more than one occasion), therefore you know them & their situation quite well (particularly considering the personal content). You may have even traveled to an Intensive weekend that many of them too were a part of.
Lots and lots of good 'ol fashioned together time!
And this can breed the temptation to "cross pollinate" (gossip) between Samson friends. Do not fall into this trap.
As your mother once said, "If you don't have something good to say about someone, don't say anything at all." And to add to that, don't be divulging details (without their explicit permission) about other men's stories to other men. Instead, stay focused on the man - at hand - and his story, his needs, like one of many sub-folders on your desktop.
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In summary:
1. Are you a giver?
2. What are you equipped to do now versus where you were at a year prior?
3. Obtain a Silas.
4. Take stock of your recovery.
5. Avoid gossip / tribalism / falling into a Samson clique of guys (this is not middle school)
Wednesday, April 26, 2023
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