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The Recovery Junkie

It's a fact that there're certain men in Samson Society who're only present to appease a spouse / girlfriend, but too, in some of the most unusual (but perhaps not sooooo unusual) scenarios, they're men here as recovery junkies (& then, of course, there's everyone else).  And it's important to know that any of these participation motivators may just imbue some form (if not an awful lot) of recovery within these men which is no doubt a very good thing.  In other words, who cares what the motivator ultimately is? 

I do. 

Years ago, I posted regarding an influential Samson Society newcomer (therapist) who often made (announcing publicly) recovery men's groups analogous to church.  Well, this ain't no church, but for those who force it into that distortion, I'm of the opinion they're too sort of a form of recovery junkie (keep in mind that recovery is medicine NOT booze).

I believe recovery junkies (again, who're not therapists supporting said ministry) typically are / were serial fornicaters / adulterers.  A lot of these men have filed through numerous sexual partners and have either come out the other side a regretful man or are simply playing everyone a fool.  Why is this an important identifier?  An outrageously high number of sex partners equates to two possible motivators.  Either they're a nymphomaniac which isn't at all likely, or they're rifling through folks like one would any other plebeian conquest (guilt-free).  Callousness grows out of the latter.  And I find that recovery junkies can be - to one degree or another - as such. 

What's almost impossible to do well is spot one of these recovery junkies within Samson Society.  And besides, what's to gain by doing so?  But, if you're in a recovery ministry long enough, you'll most definitely suspect them.  Hence, it's interesting to me to honor their inevitable presence with a few descriptors.

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Perhaps it's due to the quantity / platitudes of illicit behavior that sets these recovery junkies up.  Perhaps reaching that plateau literally positions recovery itself as their next "mistress" (I can't take credit for this analogy).  

To circle back to what I mentioned earlier, the most tragic aspect of certain (NOT ALL) recovery junkies is how little recovery actually occurs within their individual lives.  This being in light of their raw dedication to said recovery ministry (attending meetings, retreats, etc.).  

I listened to a portion of a podcast earlier this week that featured what I suspect was some version of a recovery junkie.  In the end, it was his wife who seemingly challenged her husband (twice married to her) therein, and from there, she left (again).  Taking their unique tale into account (that's all one-sided hearsay via said podcast), perhaps they were both - at one time - recovery junkies (who were also making $$$ as a result).

To go back to the church analogy, I can tell you - for a fact - that church pews typically aren't being filled by divorcees.  And the reason for that is because those of us who've never been divorced don't want them there.  This quagmire can set up recovery to become far more to these folks than it was ever meant to be.

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There's "fun" to be had in Samson Society.  That's for sure, but if you're not of the opinion that said involvement within this ministry doesn't ultimately qualify you as a P-E-R-V-E-R-T (with all manner of gravity attached to that word), you may just be moving towards or are a full-blown recovery junkie.  

In closing, what's perhaps a little bit dangerous about these recovery junkies is how influential they potentially can be.  It's important to remember that people are sheep and sheep are low intelligence and very easy influenced.  In line with that is how often sheep look for guidance amongst those who're passionate, compelling (even if their passioned / compelled regarding a distortion) & dedicated. 

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I'll leave you with some bullet points to consider whilst moving through this ministry, in light of you too inevitably rubbing shoulders with some recovery junkies.

-  Over time, illicit behavior definitely becomes easier to admit to (story).  The more you spill your guts, the less messy it seems.  But, when Samson guys hint at a certain slyness to their past travails, know this:  Recovery junkies aren't 100% in recovery for recovery itself.  As such, the gravitas of one's past sin doesn't necessarily ring true with them (as one might expect).

-  Many recovery junkies make no effort to disguise their draw towards the spotlight (of which thankfully there're few within Samson Society), and yes, some recovery junkies will abandon Samson Society fairly quickly because there're so few means to be the center of attention / recognized. 

-  Recovery junkies are quick to leave the "chaff" behind in disgust.  What I'm insinuating here is they're loathed to come alongside "the least of these" (mentally ill, minority, overall ugly ducklings) who just happen to be Samson brothers.

-  Many recovery junkies rarely shut up.  For these, talking incessantly is their modus operandi, for they love to hear themselves twaddle.

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"The No Bull Briefing" - May 2025 Samson Society Newsletter

The No Bull Briefing The Monthly Newsletter of the Samson Society May 2025

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The Captain's Log: The Culture Behind the Fall-It's Time We Talk About Character Dear Brothers, In a recent Facebook post, Chuck DeGroat lamented about another fallen pastor, another scandal, another cycle of confession, sabbatical, and eventual re-emergence — often rebranded with a book or a new platform centered on redemption. And Chuck’s right: it’s time we talk not just about consequences, but about character. And to do that, we have to examine the culture we’ve all participated in, a culture that elevates pastors to a pedestal they were never meant to stand on. There’s an unspoken (and sometimes very spoken) assumption that the man behind the pulpit is holier, closer to God, more sanctified, less susceptible to the same struggles the rest of us face. We often treat pastors as though their seminary training somehow immunized them from sexual temptation, compulsive behaviors, or the ache of loneliness. And tragically, many pastors absorb this pressure too. They come to believe that to be seen as trustworthy spiritual leaders, they must hide their own humanity. This creates a dangerous silence, particularly around issues of sex and sexuality. When we expect leaders to perform holiness rather than embody wholeness, we drive them into hiding. We strip them of the permission to be real. And in that dark corner of secrecy and shame, isolation grows, and with it, the very behaviors we fear most. But what if we created something different? What if the pastor on the stage was no longer elevated above the congregation, but recognized as one of us, fully human, fallible, with both shadows and light? What if churches became places where empathy and curiosity replaced judgment and fear? The culture of silence can only survive when we refuse to look each other in the eye and tell the truth. This doesn’t mean that consequences disappear. When power is involved consent becomes complicated. Boundaries must exist. People must be protected. The harm done by pastors in positions of power is real, and accountability must always accompany grace. We must hold the tension: all have sinned and fall short, and some sins carry communal consequences that must be honored for the sake of justice and healing. But we also must face the system that breeds this fear. The pastor afraid that telling the truth about their compulsive sexual behavior will cost them their livelihood is not unjustified; in many churches, confession does mean exile. And so we’ve created a system where silence is rewarded, and honesty is punished. That fear drives pastors deeper into their compulsions, and the cycle continues. The answer is not more scripture memorization or longer hours in prayer closets. It is not flogging or performative repentance. It is the long, grueling, grace-filled work of telling the truth, about trauma, about coping, about shame, about unmet needs, about what it feels like to be a man (or woman) in ministry trying to be enough. And it is the work of a congregation willing to listen without flinching. When pastors can stand up and say, “Me too. I know what it's like to struggle. I’m not better than you. I’m with you.” then we will begin to see real healing. The fall won't be so far when they’re not standing on a platform built on illusion. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll stop falling altogether, because they’ll no longer have to pretend they’re not human. I think Chuck DeGroat and others like Dr. Andrew J. Bauman would agree.

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Experiencing Matriarchal Disrespect? Consider Sending A Measured Response (& Don't Back Down)

When my oldest daughter was an infant (she's 22 now), I wrote a letter to my mother letting her know how disrespected (by her) I'd felt as a new dad.  There'd been an incident at my parents' abode.  My wife and I had brought my parents first grandchild (my now 22-year-old) over for a visit, and it was during this after church lunch that a statement was made (by my mom, directed at me).  Her off-the-cuff adjudication was way out of line and therefore pissed me off to no end.

I had never experienced disrespect as an adult - to this degree - from my mother (I was 30 years old at the time).  Her words cut like a knife into my heart, especially so knowing they were said amongst the entire fam.

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I vividly remember how terrified I was to confront my mom regarding this.  For I knew her well enough to know that she would refuse to concede, and thereby quickly (& very easily) pull my father into the mix (posturing).  And from what I recall, that did occur.  I heard from him not long after the letter was mailed in an attempt to convince me that I'd stepped way out of line by sending it. 

Whilst looking back, I'm so glad I chose to put my thoughts & feelings in writing to her versus attempting to '"talk it out".  For neither of my parents (back then) were at all experienced listeners (able to listen sans becoming emotionally charged).

As punishment for speaking up / standing my ground, my mother shunned me for 3-4 months.  She refused to look at me or even acknowledge my presence whilst in the same room.  Oftentimes, when we were within close proximity (sitting adjacent to each other in church, etc.), she'd quietly weep.

As this ridiculously juvenile behavior of Her's drug on, I became more and more certain that I'd done the right thing.

Eventually, she apologized (in writing) to me for what she'd said to me months prior.  

From what I recall, she dropped a letter off at the architecture firm I was employed at.  This was a pleasant surprise.  From there, she returned to behaving normally around me.

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There's nothing more important to men than respect, but it's especially important therein when new territory is being charted (life circumstances).  

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Ever since late 2013, I've been working alongside my parents within their small business.  In fact, a few years back, I actually purchased said business from them (they still work most days within our shared office space).  As such, my relationship with my mom has flourished due to the fact that we work really, really well together both respecting each other equally.

Nonetheless, a few weeks back, I once again found myself having to stand up for myself / my family, and yet again, it ultimately had to do with her disrespecting / mistreating me with her words.  But this time, she wasn't unfairly judging / shaming me as a father.  Instead, she was overstepping by sharing intimate details regarding her ongoing tumultuous relationship with her oldest brother (who's my 93-year-old grandmother's primary caregiver).  

As such, this ultimately led to me demanding some physical distance between my uncle and my family (wife / daughters) versus simply continuing forward with the status quo (as if nothing physically threatening had ever happened between him & my mom).    

Disappointedly, my mother (& father) is using the exact same reactionary techniques as she did 22 years ago when I stood my ground then.  It's like déjà vu.    

What's sad to me - primarily - this time around is the fact that these folks are in their early 70s.  As such, time is of essence (precious), taking their ages into consideration.

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Have you heard the adage, "When momma's not happy, nobody's happy?"  It's sort of a cutesy saying 'till you've lived it.