This image was posted on a friend’s Facebook wall today, and when it came across my feed, it hit a nerve. I feel like I’ve spent so much of my life masquerading off into the dark carnival of pleasure and excitement to only find myself lost and unrecognizable. I’ve spent years of my life chasing validation and comfort, to the point that I've laid my own freedom at the altar of selfish pride and arrogance. I’ve hurt those I loved, destroyed relationships that I - to this day - regret and wish I could restore. I’ve stood on soapboxes of prideful declaration, convinced of my own wisdom, whilst speaking the words of a fool. Over and over again, I was moving through the valley of the shadow of death, all the while in sight of heaven's gates. Countless times rescued by a loving savior only to wander off again, repeating the cycle of failure ad nauseum. In and of my own self, I am only worthy of death and judgement.
But not once in all those years of rebellion and pride did Jesus show me any frustration for my behavior. He only stood and wept as I turned my back on him, marinating within my evil ways in lieu of a transformative life of healing. Nonetheless, it only took one small cry for help, and he always came running. Dealing gently with me as he helped me dig out of whatever pit I had imploded into. Over and over again, his graceful embrace saved me from myself. I’m so thankful that his ways are not like our performance-based ones. That we are validated by his work on the cross and not our clumsy walk through this dark and dying world. To think that he has never been mad or harsh with me is testament to his eternal goodness and grace.
The consequences of my struggles in this world weigh heavy on me at times. Sometimes it feels like it’s more than I can handle, and that I’m helpless to fix all that I’ve broken. But even in these times of self-loathful mourning, he reaches into my world to say, “give me those heavy burdens. Take up my yoke and see that it is light and easy to carry…” I’m so unworthy of such kindness, but that never stops him from running to my rescue and restoring my soul.
