I was talking to my daughter last night about our mortality. We are currently dealing with a pet that we love dearly who's beginning his final season of life. We are both very sad about this whilst supporting each other as we walk through this season of Teddy’s life out. In turn, we've been speaking about other tough circumstances such as advanced directives and our wishes when we ourselves (myself in particular) reach our final season of the human experience. I made a statement about not wanting to lay in a catatonic state or in a nursing home for years by saying, ”Please, just let me pass on to glory. I barely want to be here now, much less after a life changing episode or terminal illness…” In response, my daughter and I both looked at each other and laughed because she knew exactly what I was referring to. Lexi and I are very connected in many ways in this world. (As I am thankfully with all my kids.) We don't feel as if we're being morbid by laughing about accepted death. We obviously want to continue to live long happy lives together. But neither she nor I have a fear of death. The human experience is hard and full of suffering on many different levels. And even with a positive outlook, you can’t deny that heaven is going to be exponentially better than this life on earth. I desire that! There’s nothing in this world, and I mean nothing, that I’m so in love with here on earth that would make me want to stay here one second longer than God has intended. My life is better now than it’s ever been, but it’s still full of sacrifice and pain every day. My body hurts, my mind rarely rests from the stress and anxiety of our society, and my heart has been broken more times than I can count. And yet, I view myself as blessed in the face of all that. I’m as happy and satisfied as anyone could hope to be.
That being said, there is an underlining emptiness that haunts all of us. No one is exempt from it, and it knows no social boundaries. After ten years of being counseled withing recovery circles, I’ve heard the same stories of emptiness over and over from people in every imaginable stage of wealth to poverty. It’s just part of life on earth. Some live glorious seasons of joy without a thought of hurt or pain. But I guarantee you that underneath all the smiles and material junk they surround themselves with is self-doubt and a sense of impending failure. Those doubts are the thorns and thistles of this world. Some just hide it better than others. The Bible says with much knowledge comes sorrow. In the end though, the more you understand these things, the more you see death as a pathway to true freedom.
It’s genuinely hard to talk about these things without people thinking you’re in some form of crisis or despair. I can promise you that’s not the case with us. We just see life as it truly is - temporary. We are not promised tomorrow, and best-case scenario is that we lived to a ripe old age, surrounded by our loving family prior to passing on to glory in the elder years of our lives. Some aren’t that fortunate; some tragically die in a car accident or from cancer within mid-life. In my mind it doesn’t really make much difference if it happens today or 35 years from now.
My hope in Jesus Christ declares my eternal reward in heaven with him. Where I will never have to fight through the thorns and thistles of this earth's cursed nature ever again. And where I will never wake up feeling like a failure - this is just around the next corner! Not feeling good enough to be loved or being forced to remember the trauma of my childhood - I’ll truly be free of these things! I’ll never have to fight the evil desires of my flesh again, and I’ll never experience another heartbreak. That’s A LOT to look forward to! I love my life, honestly, I do! But when it’s my time, I’ll welcome death like a long-lost friend I’ve missed and desired for decades.
I realize this is a dark topic and some run from these ideas. In my mind, there is no fear of death and I’m 100% comfortable with its arrival whenever that may be. I never forget that with each passing day, I’m one step closer to my eternal home in glory. Fear has no control over me in this manner. I am eternally secure and only wait for my number to be called up. In the meantime, I do try to do some good, and help those in need around me. I’ve never claimed to be a very good Christian. But I do believe, and my heart is focused on being someone God’s glory can shine through in spite of my failures. His grace is sufficient for me. So, until my time here ends, I live each day like it’s my last. I try to love hard, and practice patience with those that are hard to love (which can sometimes be me). That being said, I’m learning to love myself along the way as well.
