FEEDBACK AND ADVICE Within Samson Society Meetings

"We address our statements to the group as a whole rather than directing them toward any one person. As a rule, we refrain from giving advice to others or instructing them during the meeting, believing that such conversations are best reserved for private moments between friends."

In an open forum like a Samson meeting or a Slack channel, sharing can sometimes degenerate into preaching or arguing. When that happens, men tend to respond in one of two ways: 1) they shut down completely, or 2) they raise the volume in an attempt to be heard. Either way, communication suffers.

Something similar happens when a man is given feedback he didn't ask for, especially if it comes from a relative stranger. He gets defensive, and communication suffers. That's why the Guidelines for Sharing that we read in every Samson meeting apply here in Slack too. If you feel the need to instruct, correct, or rebuke a brother for something he has shared here, please do so privately, through direct message, and then only after asking his permission. And remember: every man is different. What worked for you may not work for him, so please offer your feedback in a spirit of humility.

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"The BattleField Of The Mind" - JR Everhart

There are times when I get so lost in my mind trying to fix all my issues and live up to today’s standards of self-sufficiency.  Long gone are the days of needing a friend.  At least that’s what society attempts to relay to us.  When I buy into this, I isolate and push people away in an effort to never allow anyone to see my junk.  This way, I can wear the same mask of bull butter as most everyone else around me.  “How are you doing?  Fine, I’m fine, the dog is fine, you’re fine, everyone’s fine…”  And onward we suffer in silence, completely alone and with very little hope of actually connecting with anyone on a genuine level.  Even within a societal context relative to “being ok with not being ok…”, many of us are still lost in our heads listening to the lies of self-condemnation.  “You’re never enough, or ever really worthy of love.  No one cares about your suffering, or finds you worthy to be known.”  As a result, we turn our bitterness inward and isolate further. 

I am a larger-than-life personality, and at times, can be a bull in a China shop.  It can be such the burden to bear, walking away from social settings before thinking, “Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut and essentially go with the flow…?”  Believe me, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve laid in bed reviewing the conversations of the day and subsequently tearing myself apart, I’d be a very wealthy man.  But such is life; the enemy’s sole purpose is to be sure we never get satisfaction out of anything.  He focuses on robbing our peace and stealing our self-confidence.  Nonetheless, I march forward, whilst attempting to re-parent myself as an adult child, hoping I may very well someday mature emotionally.  Within that vein, I have seen heaps of measurable growth, therefore I must learn to cut myself a break in order to love myself inside the struggle.  But, it’s very easy for me to spiral into self-pity and eventually self-hatred.  This struggle is real, and it knocks at the door of my heart daily.  I work very hard to not let my heart be ambushed by these toxic ideas.  Self-hatred comes very easy for me, and I’ve had to dig out of that hole more times than I care to admit.  These are the destructive legs that all of my compulsive behavior and bad habits stand on.  I know this and have full revelation-knowledge of the roots of my issues.  But knowledge alone gets me nowhere.  Application of said knowledge is what brings growth. 

And that, my friends, is what the battlefield looks like in my world.  Thanks be to God that he has sent people across my path to guide me out of the dark forest of my insecurities, establishing me at my Heavenly Father's table of strength and wisdom.  My confidence stands on one thing and one thing only - the goodness of Jesus Christ.  The one man that looking into my dark carnival of struggles over two thousand years ago while hanging on a bloody cross.  Scripture says he uttered, ”Forgive them, for they know not what they do…”  See Isaiah 53.  It describes his suffering for us this way: 

“Yet it was our weaknesses He carried; it was our sorrows that weighed Him down.  And we thought His troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for His own sins!  But He was pierced for OUR rebellion, crushed for OUR sins.  He was beaten so WE could be whole.  He was whipped so WE could be healed.  All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.  We have left God’s paths to follow our own.  Yet the Lord laid on Him the sins of us all.

Isaiah 53:4-6 | NLT

I have been abused and literally tortured at times in my life. I have failed at romance more times than I can count.  I have lost everything multiple times.  Very few times in my life have I had anyone do nice things for me that didn’t have some sort of strings attached to it.  But when I read these words in Isaiah, I find a friend like no other.  A man strong in wisdom and gentle in heartfelt connection.  I see a man emotionally available and caring, yet at the same time, a man who's more than capable of standing up in the face of his accusers declaring:  “No one can take his life from him, least he lay it down willingly.”  He was the perfect balance of strength and gentleness.  And he laid his life down for me.  A messed up white trash WV boy who has been broken a thousand different ways.  Continually seeking me out everyday and genuinely loving who I am, junk and all.  He loves me with a love that is not of this world.  I’m constantly amazed as to how he blesses me and comforts me in my darkest hours of struggle.  I pant for him as the deer pants for water on a hot summer day.  In my times of failure and defeat, it’s only his touch that calms my soul, restoring my confidence.  The human experience is hard, there’s no question about it.  And the only pathway I’ve found forward that doesn’t feel like I'm being dragged across the hot sands of sin and doubt, is through Him!  Understanding that this world is not my home is a hard burden to bear, but I know I’m called to help some people along my journey towards my eternal home.  Therefore, I hold my head high and trust that his love is enough for whatever this world throws at me. 

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The Samson Society Multiverse

When I first stepped into a Samson Society meeting in August 2014, there was only one meeting (in-person) for me to attend, and that was the Wednesday at 6 PM CST meeting at First Baptist Church Jackson (Summit Counseling suite).  That in-person meeting is still going strong.  It introduced me to a men's ministry that's changed my life for the better.  

But I didn't stay within that group.  Eventually, I migrated to the Grace Crossing Samson Society group (Gluckstadt), attending there for +/-1 year.  

The initial FBC Jackson group had a particular flavor that was quite therapeutic while the second group I attended was more relational.  Neither group was better than the other, though the contrast opened my eyes to just how different Samson groups can trend.  

From there, I started my own group (Lakeside Pres).  And, of course, mine became somewhat eclectic.  A combination of what I'd witnessed within the previous two, inaugural Jackson Metro Samson groups. 

That Lakeside Pres Samson group continued on for almost four years (2017-2021).  We met on Saturday mornings at 7 AM.  

Two in-person groups spun-off from the one I facilitated.  One in Brandon (39042) and then Pearl.  

I then dived into the virtual Samson Society groups in December of 2021.  "Make Thursdays Great Again" was unlike anything I could have imagined.  It was the Price Is Right version of a Samson Society meeting, all thanks to the electrifying facilitator, Mr. Justin Schwind.  It literally became one of the highlights of my week (Thursdays at 7 PM CST).  And it's still going strong.

After royally pissing off a newbie Samson brother who too was a regular "MTGA" attendee, I made a discreet exit (I did not want - in any way - to hinder his recovery via my continued presence).  I pivoted into "Brain Changers" which meets on Sundays at 5 PM CST.  "Brain Changers" was a familiar return to what the Lakeside Pres Samson meeting (that I facilitated) felt like, all those years earlier.  

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I hear more and more of Samson guys committing to multiple Samson meetings over the course of one week.  Many of these men attest to attending a meeting every single day.  

If you're familiar with the virtual Samson Society meetings, this commitment is doable (there are multiple meetings on the schedule for each day of the week as well as multiple types of meetings - some that allow cross talk, book studies, etc.).  

Why do this?  Why commit to attending a Samson meeting every single day?

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I believe the best answer to this question is as follows:

To directly combat compulsive sexual sin.

What does that mean exactly - compulsive sexual sin?

Compulsory:  Required, mandatory, obligatory

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When you're in bondage to compulsive sexual sin, you need solid grounding / commitment to recovery, therefore a once-a-week Samson Society meeting likely isn't going to suffice.

Let me repeat that:

When you're in bondage to compulsive sexual sin, you need solid grounding / commitment to recovery, therefore a once-a-week Samson Society meeting likely isn't going to suffice.

What's the true benefit of this approach to recovery?

It's twofold.

Firstly, during every 24 hours, you're spending one of those within a Samson Society meeting.  It serves as a recovery datum / opportunity to reset that's difficult to ignore.

Secondly, it forces you out of your own head.  Exposing you to fresh faces each day.  Faces that bring a specific color to the meeting.  Countless, unexpected hues drive away boredom, feelings of repetitiveness.  Think of it as the Samson Society multiverse.

This rigorous approach is highly effective for those who are just "too far gone".  

Think of attending a meeting a day in the same light as prioritizing an hour of exercise each day relative to being in tremendously poor physical health (& therefore on your death bed).  

It's exactly the same tenacious, turbocharged approach.  

For those of you who're in bondage to compulsive sexual sin, be encouraged to intentionally counteract this frame of mind by exploiting the availability of Samson Society meetings - to your recovery's advantage.  You will not regret the time invested / commitment therein.

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"A Calm & Quiet Tension" - JR Everhart

It just never goes away.  It’s always there sleeping.  I can feel it breathing inside me.  It seems as if no matter how much healing and personal growth I experience, it’s still there.  It’s patient and quiet, never rushing in.  Instead, it just waits for the right moment and then plays to any number of my arousal templates.  It’s never made me do anything that didn’t already live in me somewhere.  It only presents opportunity to fail.  Its power is in manipulation and based on lies that only bring death and decay.  That’s why it’s so hard to fight.  I can’t blame it for anything because I am the one choosing to step over the line.  But it never misses an opportunity to remind me of my poor choices.  That is the vehicle these things travel in throughout my mind.  It constantly reminds me of my past failures seemingly eroding my self-confidence.  Not once has it ever allowed me to enjoy any true victory because it’s always telling me I’m still not enough.  This makes it next to impossible to ever truly find satisfaction in anything. 

Nonetheless, I march on - day in and day out - via my faith in Christ's work on the Cross of Calvary, and I do this because there is no faith in me except my own evil desires.  I am broken beyond repair in so many ways.  I’m not saying Jesus hasn’t healed many layers of my dysfunctional life, because he has.  I have some satisfaction in this world in this regard, but it pales in comparison to where I'd like to be.  Heaven calls out for me and on days like today, I feel the distance between my forward-looking heavenly home and this world of death and decay.  I will never be free of this fallen nature until the day I meet my Savior, Jesus, face to face.  Resisting this world is exhausting even whilst leaning into the warm comfort of a loving Savior.  I have as much victory as any believer can hope for, but growing in wisdom only reveals just how little that victory truly is, considering the war against one’s selfish desires.  No matter how far I travel on this road to recovery, I’m still just one decision away from the ditch.  This knowledge does bring more sorrow to the wise and struggle to the addict.  The moment you realize that your flesh didn’t get actually get saved and will always fight against you - to some degree - is the moment the real battles begin.  There is no magic incantation that fixes everything.  No holy remedy that makes all your struggles go away.  There is only faith in the promises of Jesus being entirely enough for the repentant sinner.  Outside of that, there is no hope for any of us.  It’s just another form of control rooted within (y)our own pride, candy coated with self-sufficiency.  But deep down, the fallen nature is still driving.  

The only confidence I have is in knowing I’m redeemed through Jesus.  I’m enough because he is enough.  The rest of life is just about not focusing on the lies and failures that make up our lives.  One purpose of this fallen nature is to keep us humble, walking close to God.  But that road can be full of stumbles and failure as well. 

Thank you, Jesus for doing for me that which I cannot do for myself.  I trust you with all my soul and recognize that the only good found in me comes from you residing within me.  The rest is evil that hides in the dark corners of my fallen nature.  God help me as I navigate through the dark carnival of my fallen nature.  Help me to stay focused on you and quick to repent when I find myself lost in the forest of my flesh.  My only hope is in you and your grace toward my failures.  Grow me Lord, and comfort me along this road of insecurity.  Restore my soul and realign my field of vision toward your love for me.  Strengthen me when I am lost, lamenting the horror of this world, and re-establish me in my walk of faith.  Ignite faith inside my doubts and create a slow burn of holiness in my life that no trial can extinguish.  Plant trees of life where there is no life within me whilst shining your love into the dark corners of my brokenness.  Remind me of the foundational victory that is the pillar my world is built upon.  Open my eyes to your understanding and rescue me from my pride.  Cover me with your wings of acceptance and protect me from the winds of whispering lies that try to steer me back to the faceless darkness that is my fleshly desires.  I belong to you Lord, I am not my own, and I’ve been purchased with a high, high price.  Mold me Lord and restore my soul.  Establish me so your glory can shine even through my failures.  Take what was meant for evil and use it for good.  Humble my pride and soften my heart.  Without you I am nothing.  I belong to you Lord, I belong to you.  In Jesus I believe, amen.