For Tenured Samson Guys, Church Can Seem Awfully Saccharine

Being reared in a megachurch (First Baptist Church Jackson) with the pedigree of a Huckleberry Finn, I simply stood back in awe of the spectacle, masses and outstanding preaching.  As a teen, I was there during the late '80s when Dr. Frank Pollard (Senior Pastor) was in his prime (during his second appointment there).  We attended both Sunday mornings and evenings, giving nary a second thought to driving all the way from humble (back then) Madison to downtown Jackson twice (+/25 minute car ride) on The Lord's Day.

Church provided teen Rob (only child) with so many good opportunities to be cared for by adults who weren't Bob and Darlene.  Therein, I was lassoed in by the gospel at the tender age of 13.  In many ways it was religiously idyllic.  Especially considering the setting being Mississippi.

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Today, Samson Society provides the caring adults who support Rob, done so at a level (appropriately so) that's far more nuanced and intentional.  

So where does that leave church?

Church, to me, is like going to the Y for a workout or down the Reservoir multi-purpose trail for a run.  It's time well spent, but mostly, it's routine more than anything else.  

Now, we tithe our 10% every month, and I sing in the Chancel Choir for both the Christmas and Easter cantatas, and I will keep doing that.  

But, I don't work hard to make close Presbyterian friends, participate in either the domestic or overseas mission projects or aspire to become a deacon / elder at Lakeside Presbyterian Church.  

Hence, some Sundays can be monotonous and thereby fatiguing.  

But, there is one regularly scheduled church programming event (Fall / Spring) exception to this.

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One of the things I really like about our little community church is Wednesday nights.  And not just due to the food line ("Family Night Supper").  

When I was in late elementary school, Bob & Darlene would bring me to megachurch (First Baptist Church Jackson) for Wednesday evening service, and though the food was great, everything else about it sucked.  

Primarily this had to do with the facilities, which were vast, but on Wednesday evenings, the attendance numbers were miniscule compared to Sunday mornings.  Hence, the megachurch building felt daunting and frozen due to its emptiness.  

As such, their formality was amplified that much more.  

After that singular year (1985?), we discontinued attending Wednesday megachurch services because none of us liked it one bit. 

Fast forward to today, and there's no doubt that Lakeside Pres' facilities are on the opposite end of the spectrum.  They're not even, by definition, modest.  Haphazard is the best descriptor I can think of.  Yet, in so many ways, it's a perfect reflection of the community it serves, and this is due to the fact that the Reservoir area is such the Hodge Podge free-for-all / redneck resort paradise of the Jackson Metro.  

Today, Wednesday nights at Lakeside Pres are typically jammed packed with middle to upper middle-class Presbyterians, easily stretching the seams of the '70ish facilities.  It's borderline raucous.  And I like that about it because it doesn't - in the slightest - reek of church.  Plus, there are even a few occasions where Bible studies are enacted, following dinner, that are well worth the weekday evening invested. 

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My wife, Angie, isn't involved in The Sarah Society (a women's equivalent to Samson Society), therefore her relationships at Lakeside Pres are (aspiringly) tantamount to the ones I enjoy via Samson.  Therefore, on Sunday mornings, she lingers far longer than I do - after the service - to chat meaningfully with her friends.  Angie's also far more likely to interject prayer requests during Sunday School, and she frequently attends a ladies' breakfast gathering amongst her middle-aged (& a few older) peers.

Angie loves Lakeside Pres.  In fact, were she forced to choose between it and her husband, I'm pretty sure she'd choose Lakeside Pres.  

And that makes me really happy because I believe church today is mostly geared towards women and meeting their spiritual needs.  In conclusion, finding one where my wife feels communal makes me one quite content Samson guy.     

Stand Up For Yourself. Samson Society Is A Selfish Pursuit. As You Mature In Your Recovery, Optimize Your Approach To Said Recovery.

You are loyal to no one within Samson Society.  This is not a fraternity or a men's club.  Samson Society isn't a discipleship group or a men's Sunday School class.  It is a community of men seeking recovery, and you are responsible for taking full advantage therein relative to your specific recovery.

Both of my former Silases benefited Rob primarily via face-to-face meetings.  And (mostly) it wasn't what was said during those junctures.  No, it was simply the time spent together.  Text-messages, telephone calls, etc. did little for me, though I certainly participated as such.  Hence, I'm constrained (relative to meeting my specific needs), and I realize that.  I believe this is why my recovery will never likely be, well, recovered.  Obviously, there's only so much time available to commune with one's Silas face-to-face (that either he or I can stomach).  Especially considering men's typical MO of doing 99% of male-to-male life in groups (3+).

An example of one of the very best "healing" face-to-face "sessions" between my first Silas and I happened in 2016 during the Jackson, Mississippi Samson Society Spring Retreat.  And essentially, that "session" was comprised of me spending time with him alone or somewhat alone.  During this retreat, we shared a room in the gloriously luxurious vacation home where the retreat was held, and though we only had a few private conversations therein, it was simply being alone with him that really mattered.

Why?

I don't really know.  What I do know is it was soothing to be desired enough in that regard.  Plus, it provided a counterweight to the ever-present din of the other Samson guys present.

I'm sure that sounds weird, but it's how I've come to understand myself.  Likely there's something there related to me being an only child.

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My second Silas was wired similarly to me in this regard (he was also an only child).  Hence, our relationship definitely played off of each other, but one thing that was really interesting about him was his sort of secret preference for unplanned face-to-face pursuit.  Now, you need to know that this dude planned out every waking hour of his life, and I suppose me interrupting that needily basically gave him permission to throttle back "from the grind" in such a way that was especially acceptable / appreciated / desirable.  I'm theorizing here.

I do know that his close proximity (he lived relatively close by) also facilitated these last-minute ("Catch me, I'm falling!") junctures.  Having never lived so close to a Silas, the convenience was also positively affirming / comforting. 

The only issue here was there were no regularly scheduled junctures, though I didn't recognize it at the time.

But, learn I did.

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Today, I'm involved in the "Make Thursdays Great Again" virtual Samson Society meeting which is made up of an amazing group of 30+ Samson guys, but interestingly enough, my present-day Silas happens to be local.  

He and I have met face-to-face on three occasions over the past three months, and during our last rendezvous, I asked that we calendar our next two future junctures (which he agreed to).  All-in-all, the plan is to rendezvous at lunch and at a local park (both) once a month.  Therefore, about every two weeks is when we're slated to meet.  

This too is easily facilitated due to how close in proximity we live to each other.  

What's especially curious about how all of this played out is the following: my Silas was only vaguely familiar with Samson Society prior to this past April.  Now, you must know that I have known him, as a distant friend, for well over a decade.  And, I knew of his struggle with lust because he'd shared it with me at the outset of our relationship (+/-15 years ago).  But back then, Samson wasn't an available resource to either of us, and the concept of recovery was irrelevant to either of us.  

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Optimize your recovery in two ways: by making the best of opportunities and being assertive relative to the needs that specifically can be addressed (within reason) via your Silas.  Do this well by learning, over time, as you relate to various men within this community.  Recovery is as much about understanding and reacting to personal dynamics as it is to gaining perspective regarding both where you're at along The Path today and where you're wanting to be.    

Recommended Reading - Never Support Social Media Companies By Using Their Apps. What Started Out As An Interesting Way To Keep Up With Long Distance Family Members, Now Fosters This Repulsive, Cheapened Behavior. God Help Us.

Rise of the Sperm Bro: The Touring Men Fathering Children and Undercutting the Fertility Industry (vice.com)

Lagniappe

Recommended Reading - An Exemplary Essay Regarding Friendship

You Still Need Good Friends | Desiring God

Honoring The Mother Ship's (First Baptist Church Jackson) Cherished '70s / '80s' Pastor - Dr. Frank Pollard - 4/09/78 transcript

"The No Bull Briefing" - July 2022 Newsletter Of The Samson Society

 

THE NO BULL BRIEFING - July 2022

Ask an Expert By Kaka Ray, MSFT, BCN When we are triggered by conflict and become disregulated (sometimes called “flipping our lid”) it is very common for us drop into one of our younger parts. You can quickly assess whether you are reacting from your inner wounded child by asking yourself three basic questions. Read More Have a question you would like answered? Send it our way and we will see what we can find out for you! Join us in Eva in November! We are already at 75% of the total number of men who attended the retreat last year, and we still have three months to register. That's something worth celebrating!  This fall, Roane and Eva Hunter, international bestselling authors of Sex, God, and the Chaos of Betrayal, along with their son, Roe, will present on Sexual Brokenness: A Family Affair. Come listen as they share from the relational perspectives of husband-wife, father-son, and mother-son. To help encourage men to register, we are hosting a friendly competition. At check-in, we will ask guys to list one Samson meeting to represent. The meeting with the most men in attendance will receive the opportunity to purchase an official Samson t-shirt with their meeting logo on it in the Samson merch store! REGISTER Enough! By Jamie, a Pirate Monk Author Sometimes angels are 24 year old guys in a lifted truck smoking cigarettes. Who am I to judge what they do or how God uses them? Okay, I guess you need some back story now. Firstly, I am not mechanically wired. You don't see me checking spark plugs or changing my own oil; not because I don't know how or am unwilling to learn...YouTube has taught me many things. I would just rather have people in my life I know and trust that are professionals to do that. Sometimes, this fact makes me feel like less of a man and I know that. Tonight was one of those nights, but I didn't overthink or dwell on that thought because I'm learning to only dwell on the thoughts and character of the Heavenly Father and He doesn't condemn me for not being mechanically inclined, so why should I? Okay, now back to the smoking angels. My son calls me at 2:00 am and I'm in full REM at this point. He says,” I think I blew a tire!” So I start asking questions to assess the situation and determine if I need to be supportive over the phone or go meet him. I determine I need to go, so I throw yesterday's clothes on and head out the door. I race like a madman to the scene where I see my son attempting to get at his spare tire...did I mention I was in sandals? Don't judge... I was half asleep and footwear choice or grabbing tools was not high on my priority list. Told you...not wired that way! Trying not to completely destroy the poorly managed stereo installation from the previous owner, we eventually get the spare tire out and all the tools "needed" for the job. I get out my heavy duty jack from the truck and a big chunk of wood to chalk the other back tire. We start jacking the car and realize now in hindsight (again sleepy) I should have tried loosening the nuts first, because apparently the last time we had the tires serviced the tech over torqued the tires or we had some rust build up happen. I get some lubricant, spray the nuts...because I've seen this movie before. :) I try loosening the nuts again. I’m pulling so hard that I think I'm going to get a hernia. I’m standing on the wheel wrench! (I think that's the name of it...not googling now) and these nuts do not want to move. I'm out of ideas at this point because I don't have anything in my truck or at home that would help get these off. So, I do what manly men do...call AMA right? Not really, but that's what I did. As I'm calling, these two guys out of nowhere pull up and start talking to my son. He explains the situation and I quickly cancel with AMA because a neighbour or smoking angels in this case have come to our rescue! Cue emasculation now! I could stand there in a stoic man pose stroking my beard and say "You’re able to loosen the nuts because I loosened them first!” but in reality I know only two actually moved. In the end, these young guys helped us do what we couldn't, simply because we didn't have the tools needed...apparently steel toed boots! All men need help at times. Either with tires, emotions, raising kids, loving their wife or even spending time with God. I think we just need to accept the help more willingly and honestly. That is especially true when the help is coming directly from God.  I am enough, when I trust Him enough....so the more I trust Him the better off I am.  It’s 3:35 am. I can hear birds outside and I'm going back to bed thanking God that He says,” I am enough!” Why Men Struggle to Love Workshop Introducing a workshop opportunity presented by Eddie Capparucci and based on the book, Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots. This workgroup is right for you if one or more of the following feels true: - You have struggled with sex addiction, porn addiction, or some other addiction - You find emotional intimacy frightening or seemingly unattainable - Your spouse says you are distant and struggle to connect emotionally - You feel isolated and alone, even when you are in a romantic relationship In this group, you will: - Learn how you became an emotionally undeveloped man - Examine the issues behind your struggle to connect intimately - Begin the process of identifying and overcoming your emotional blind spots - Be introduced to numerous antidotes that will help you on your journey to becoming emotionally connected with others COURSE INFORMATION: A new group starts: · August 23, 2022 · Tuesdays, 8 p.m. EST · 6 weeks, 90-minute sessions (This is Level 1 of 2 Levels) · Facilitator: Eddie Capparucci REGISTER Couple's Trip to Italy Join us October 7-9 for a men's and women's retreat happening about 2 hours from Rome in the Apennine mountains. The American dollar's power in Europe is strong right now and airfare prices have recently decreased making it possible to travel to Italy for around $750 a person. Turn the retreat weekend into a tour of Italy with your spouse for an experience you won't forget! MEN'S RETREAT DETAILS Do you sometimes find yourself acting or reacting in immature ways? Does conflict with your partner sometimes degenerate into childish language or behavior? In this retreat, Nate Larkin and Kaka Ray will explore what it takes to "grow up" into free and fully integrated adulthood, capable of connecting deeply with another person. WOMEN'S RETREAT DETAILS Wildflowers defy boundaries and expectations. They grow in both expected and unexpected places and often thrive in difficult conditions. Like those exposed landscapes, your life may be scorched by the firestorms of loss. Your soul might be exposed to the emotional drought of illness. Your heart could be frozen by the bitter wind of shattered dreams. Walk through a landscape of healing with companions who know both the devastation of loss and the emergence of hope. The task is to study your own story - to listen to the heartache and hope etched in the narrative of your life. And to find the meaning God has written there. REGISTER June 2022 Meeting Host & Sub Winner Thank you Evan Rizzo for hosting the BYOBacon Breakfast virtual meeting! We would like to give you a 25% discount off one item in the Samson merch store as a thank you for donating your time and talents! Please check your email inbox for your discount code. Each month we will draw one name, so be sure to complete the host form online every time you host or sub a meeting to be entered in to the drawing. You receive one entry for each time you host or sub during the month. Regional Retreat Opportunities Planning a regional Samson retreat? Let us know at samsonhouseoffice@gmail.com or drop it on the #upcoming_event channel on Slack so we can help you spread the word! Blue Ridge Samson Society Retreat If you're looking for a place to connect and learn to tell your story, join us for the upcoming Blue Ridge Samson Society Retreat.  Dates: Friday, August 5 (4 pm) - Sunday, August 7, 2022 (1 pm) Location: Blue Ridge, GA Cost: $300 (plus registration fees), which includes lodging, meals and storytelling materials. Registration through Eventbrite What will we do? We will have a great time of fellowship, sharing stories, and building community in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It will be an awesome time to go deeper into what God is revealing in your story. Plus, you get to connect with other men and hear THEIR story to help you process yours. It's gonna be a tremendous weekend of healing together! Email Chris Inman at chris@np-recovery.com if you have any questions. We hope to see you there! Calling men to begin "breaking the darkness" in our lives and in our world by walking and living in authentic brotherhood. The purpose of our retreat is to help men dare closer to Jesus and find freedom in our lives by learning to be ruggedly honest and supporting one another as broken brothers in confidential spaces. The retreat will feature Nate Larkin, nationally known speaker, author or "Samson and the Pirate Monks," and founder of the International Samson Society. Monthly Resource Corner Each month, Samson Society will promote a resource that you may find helpful on your journey. Feel free to share any podcast episodes, blog posts, books, or documentaries that you find enlightening!  Support Samson House Samson Society does not have dues or fees, but we do have expenses, and the summer months are historically low giving months even though our monthly expenses remain the same. Some creative ways you can financially support Samson include: purchasing company supplies through Amazon Smile and designating SAMSON HOUSE as your charity of choice adding Samson House to your church's domestic mission program (ask us how) hosting a Facebook fundraiser for your birthday or just because! (learn how here) Considering how much time and expense we have put into unwanted, unfulfilling habits, many of us have recognized it only makes sense to invest in our own and other’s recovery. DONATE Connect with us on social media!